NO job, NO money, NO BF, NO social life

[Deleted User]

We all certainly do have our ups and downs and things that happen to us externally affect us internally

Having no money sucks , especially if it goes on for a long while and in the winter if you are in a ''heat or eat'' situation and can't afford to eat let alone any treats it does get you down , so nothing wrong with looking for ways to improve your situation whilst not being too hard on yourself in the meantime as yes , sometimes change is sudden , but often inner change is a very gradual thing but its all moving forward which is progress even if you don't see instant results , it's still progress

I often stay in my PJ's for days ( and actually love it! lol ) am not too hard on myself - I do what I feel inspired to do and things DO get done but I don't push myself TOO hard as I am only human and I want to enjoy life even if it's sitting watching a comedy etc like others have suggested

Getting out when you want to and doing things when you are up for it is good too ... I don't force myself on that score either - I know when I'm up for a day or night out and when I'm not and I don't have tons of energy so I want to use it on the immediate things which I can do

So I would say take your time , be gentle on yourself and do what you can do , listen to your inner voice , laugh as often as you can and do what you wanna do

Being single is all it's cracked up to be as in yes a hug is always nice BUT a hug from the wrong man aint really worth it and as long as you look after yourself and get to a place where you are relaxed and content then a boyfriend is just an added bonus , not the main shabang

I am no spring chicken .... I hit 50 this year ( I am a Meetup organiser by the way , so get out fairly regularly ) currently single , not sweating about it , just getting by each day and focusing on the things which bring me joy while trying to take good care of myself too x

pollypenny

What a time you are having, super mum!

You have done a lot with your life, especially bringing up two lads. Now that your youngest had finished his exams you could perhaps do a project together, like the painting you mentioned.

Does your library have a book group? Good, free entertainment and a chance to meet people.

Please don't think I am getting at you, but why on earth have Sky when you are struggling to buy food?

You also mentioned that the council are on your back. I would say cutting unnecessary costs will ease your situation and your stress.

mintymoneysaver

Hi supermum, just wanted to sympathise. your children sound a similar age to mine. I was married for 23 years which ended over a year ago, amicably and for the last year I have absolutely loved being single, socialising, having fun. But just recently I've started feeling lonely at times, and I've woken up this morning feeling totally and utterly miserable. My eldest daughter is away on holiday with her boyfriend, the youngest is planning a summer with her friends now GCSEs are over. I don't think I want another partner, I have an active social life. But suddenly people all seem couply again, or have things to do. I think I've just woken up this morning realising I will have 6 weeks off in the summer, and for a lot of it I will be on my own.

tea_lover

Hi, just wanted to write a quick reply to say if you do ever need someone to talk to the samaritans are brilliant. You don't have to be at teh end of your tether to call them, they're always available.

FBaby

Life doesn't follow logic. Sometimes you work very hard to make it good, and you get slapped in the face over and over, whilst other time, everything seems to go your way with little efforts. What is true for most people though is that to different degrees, everyone has good and bad times and you need to hang on when things don't go your way and appreciate every second of when it is good.

What is really tough is that to get out of bad times, you have to take actions, but to take actions demand energy and that is what we inevitably lack when times are hard. Getting rejected seems to take you two steps back.

Try not to give up, just take things slower so you give yourself the chance to recharge when you feel you've run out. I really hope good things are on their way to you very shortly.

supermum38

pollypenny wrote: »

What a time you are having, super mum!

You have done a lot with your life, especially bringing up two lads. Now that your youngest had finished his exams you could perhaps do a project together, like the painting you mentioned.

Does your library have a book group? Good, free entertainment and a chance to meet people.

Please don't think I am getting at you, but why on earth have Sky when you are struggling to buy food?

You also mentioned that the council are on your back. I would say cutting unnecessary costs will ease your situation and your stress.

I don't actually recall saying I has Sky? But you do have a point.
It is one of those dilemmas, along with a car, mobile phone, contents insurance...

At what point do you give up hope and cancel everything?

Of course when you are working nobody questions why you have Sky or a car or a mobile phone contract. But when you lose your job through no fault of your own everyone is quick to suggest you cancel everything. It's not always practical, some are contracts so even when you cancel you are left with a service you can't use but still have to pay for eventually. This inevitably affects your credit rating, no claims bonuses and availability for jobs.

Sky might not be a necessity but that requires 28 days notice to cancel. I don't have a tv aerial or freeview so don't have an alternative. I could certainly reduce it to just free channels but I guess but I was hoping to get another job in those 28 days...
This also opens the debate for landline and broadband. If I cancelled those then I couldn't call my mother and could not complete mystery shops or access my OU studies.
Ok so what about my car and mobile? Well as a merchandiser it is a requirement to have a car for travelling between jobs (sometimes carrying large cardboard units) and having a mobile for problems in stores, as not all companies provide one. It is the only job I am ever able to get so I feel it would make getting a job harder if I didn't have these.

So when do you give up and get rid of them? You know you'll never be able to just go and get them again because your credit is affected and you'll have to wait for that first wage.

supermum38

Thanks minty moneysaver, tea lover and Fbaby for your kind words.

Of course, I know there will always be good and bad times, but it just feels like the bad times have continued for a long time.

It all started 8 years ago when my second marriage came to an end and i ended up homeless and penniless. I found a home with help from my family, got 2 jobs and moved on. I had to go bankrupt and moved again but was still working, then troubles began with the kids father. A 2 year court case where he wanted custody, and another redunancy, a series of mystery illnesses, medical investigations and finally a diagnosis. Next an issue with ESA (2 appeals) and problems with DHB (went to ombudsman). Won both ESA appeal and DHB but only after I was evicted. Kids father changed his mind, still refusing to pay maintenance, so ended up homeless, penniless and jobless for 3 years. Finally got a home, job and paid all debts with money back from ESA appeal. Started studying with OU, volunteering and started new hobby until redundancy again, got a job straight away until redundancy again this April. In all this time I had two casual relationships. Neither had promise as they waltzed in and out of my life at their convenience. So in all, nothing serious in over 7 years.

I feel like I have tried my hardest to sort out my finances, improve my job prospects, do the best for my kids and cope with my condition.
Where is my reward?

pollypenny

Supermum, you have a Sky upgrade on your signature, as a £100 M&S 'freebie'. Hardly free. How much does Sky cost you?

Paying for Sky is nothing like paying for contents insurance (sensible) or a car (probably a necessity).

You'd still have a TV with loads of Freeview channels.

To worry about putting food on the table and having trouble with a landlord while paying out for Sky, and an upgrade at that, is mad.

paulineb_2

supermum38 wrote: »

I don't actually recall saying I has Sky? But you do have a point.
It is one of those dilemmas, along with a car, mobile phone, contents insurance...

At what point do you give up hope and cancel everything?

Of course when you are working nobody questions why you have Sky or a car or a mobile phone contract. But when you lose your job through no fault of your own everyone is quick to suggest you cancel everything. It's not always practical, some are contracts so even when you cancel you are left with a service you can't use but still have to pay for eventually. This inevitably affects your credit rating, no claims bonuses and availability for jobs.

Sky might not be a necessity but that requires 28 days notice to cancel. I don't have a tv aerial or freeview so don't have an alternative. I could certainly reduce it to just free channels but I guess but I was hoping to get another job in those 28 days...
This also opens the debate for landline and broadband. If I cancelled those then I couldn't call my mother and could not complete mystery shops or access my OU studies.
Ok so what about my car and mobile? Well as a merchandiser it is a requirement to have a car for travelling between jobs (sometimes carrying large cardboard units) and having a mobile for problems in stores, as not all companies provide one. It is the only job I am ever able to get so I feel it would make getting a job harder if I didn't have these.

So when do you give up and get rid of them? You know you'll never be able to just go and get them again because your credit is affected and you'll have to wait for that first wage.

I got rid of my TV when I was skint, I didnt look at it at giving up hope, I hardly watched it. Anything I watch now I watch on Iplayer

I think to be honest if you are having trouble with rent or housing benefit, Id certainly give up the sky package, its about prioritising.

And no, if you were working it might not be a big deal and yes people do pass comment.

But keeping the roof over your head is the biggest issue. If you can get a freeview box for a fraction of the price and still continue to watch Tv I think thats a better option, for now.

paulineb_2

supermum38 wrote: »

Thanks minty moneysaver, tea lover and Fbaby for your kind words.

Of course, I know there will always be good and bad times, but it just feels like the bad times have continued for a long time.

It all started 8 years ago when my second marriage came to an end and i ended up homeless and penniless. I found a home with help from my family, got 2 jobs and moved on. I had to go bankrupt and moved again but was still working, then troubles began with the kids father. A 2 year court case where he wanted custody, and another redunancy, a series of mystery illnesses, medical investigations and finally a diagnosis. Next an issue with ESA (2 appeals) and problems with DHB (went to ombudsman). Won both ESA appeal and DHB but only after I was evicted. Kids father changed his mind, still refusing to pay maintenance, so ended up homeless, penniless and jobless for 3 years. Finally got a home, job and paid all debts with money back from ESA appeal. Started studying with OU, volunteering and started new hobby until redundancy again, got a job straight away until redundancy again this April. In all this time I had two casual relationships. Neither had promise as they waltzed in and out of my life at their convenience. So in all, nothing serious in over 7 years.

I feel like I have tried my hardest to sort out my finances, improve my job prospects, do the best for my kids and cope with my condition.
Where is my reward?

What reward are you looking for? As I said in a previous post, it has to be the right relationship.

Ive been made redundant, Ive had my difficult times and yes sometimes you think my life is just rubbish and when will it end.

But as another poster said, you need to start giving yourself some credit for what you have done

And let go of the past, its done. You cant change it, all you can do is move on.