NO job, NO money, NO BF, NO social life

supermum38

I'm beginning to wonder why I was even born. The only thing that keeps me going from day to day is my two sons. While they are oblivious to how I feel, I'm glad they do, I always put them first and would never consider taking my life but I've been close before.

I have survived three abusive partners, two controlling marriages and living on the breadline. I thought that was all over a couple of years ago after being made homeless we got a house and I got a job. I started a degree, became a volunteer and started a new hobby. Things were really tough for the 3 years before that and I had a couple of non-commital relationships but when things got better and I got more confident I thought life would get better.

Not so for me. I'm jobless again and still no bf. It is not the end of the world but having been single for a while and doing everything possible to 'put myself out there' I haven't met anyone. I have been on the dating sites for years but don't really believe in them. I gave them another chance recently and after receiving a very positive message arranged to meet a guy. When the day came I hadn't heard from him so text him and he said he couldn't make it-no explanation. I hate being played so when he replied the next day explaining why I chose to give him a second chance. We arranged to meet the next day. Then I got a text saying he wasn't well and going back to bed (on a Sunday). needless to say I did not reply and heard nothing else.

The job thing is really getting me down too. All I do all day now is trawl the internet for jobs and check all the mystery shopping websites. I have been in my pj's for 3 days now and haven't left the house. I would have gone to do my hobby but it is weather dependent and it's not been suitable. My 2 closest friends have been on holiday (seperately) so had nobody to visit. All I have to look forward to is £30+ CTC going into my account tomorrow and trying to work out how I can feed myself and my youngest until Friday next week? I can't even go to do my volunteering because I can't afford the travel.

While I have planned to paint (free from freecycle) and work on my garden, I really can't be bothered. I'm having problems with my housing benefit and the council are breathing down my neck so they may evict me anyway. Even though I have mental health issues and my GP signed me off when my job ended I have weaned myself off my meds and feel much better, so positive in fact I got 2 interviews for two amazing jobs but got rejected. Yes, that really got me down but I pulled myself together and am now even more determined to get a job asap.

I can't help feeling like a failure. In 5 years I have got a job, a home, paid my debts, started my degree, managed to feed and support my sons on peanuts and started a new hobby. All the while I've had to get through Xmas, Easter, other days, all alone with nobody to love me, hug me and praise me, like a partner would. My family live miles away and never visit. I live for my sons but they are teenagers and living their lives now, so don't want to bog them down worrying about me. I've started 2 threads (unrelated) recently just because I need something to occupy me. My studies have eased off for the summer so don't even have that to distract me.

I just don't know what more I can do?

Guest101

Sorry to hear that

Just to say, I met my randomly one night out, no sites or anything. She had 2 kids from previous relationships.

We hit it off, got engaged etc, now have another child together, and a house. All in a very short space of time.

Obviously not rubbing it in at all! Just trying to say that things can change very quickly when you least exect them to!

supermum38

Guest101 wrote: »

Sorry to hear that

Just to say, I met my randomly one night out, no sites or anything. She had 2 kids from previous relationships.

We hit it off, got engaged etc, now have another child together, and a house. All in a very short space of time.

Obviously not rubbing it in at all! Just trying to say that things can change very quickly when you least exect them to!

Thanks for replying and the positive note.:D

I had hoped there might be a random event like yours for me in the last 5 years. It's so hard to stay positive when the years seem to passing by and I'm getting older.

marisco_2

supermum38 wrote: »

In 5 years I have got a job, a home, paid my debts, started my degree, managed to feed and support my sons on peanuts and started a new hobby. All the while I've had to get through Xmas, Easter, other days, all alone with nobody to love me, hug me and praise me, like a partner would.

In my opinion you are about as far removed from being a failure as it is possible to get. Read the above back to yourself and acknowledge all that you have achieved and give yourself a well deserved pat on the back. Understandably being solely responsible for raising two young boys, whilst coping with all the day to day pressures of life on your own is taking its toll on you. Don't continue to try and struggle through, look at ways to ease the strain that you are under.

When your friends return from holiday could you meet up with them and explain how you are feeling? I would hope they would want to be there for you and offer some support. Are your family aware of how you are feeling? If you opened up to them would they come and visit and give you a much needed break. You say that you have weaned yourself off medication that your gp prescribed for you. Did he/she recommend that you do this or did you take this decision by yourself? It may be worth chatting things over again with your gp and taking their advice on this.

Admitting that you need some help and additional support in life is not a sign of being weak or a failure in any way. On the contrary it is wise to seek it out in order to help yourself and move forward positively.

nikki11

Hugs to you Supermum, for a start have a nice bath and get out of the p.j's - it does help . Job wise, have you signed up with recruitment agencies?
You've survived through worse and you'll get through this. Can you get in contact with HB and explain you need sorted asap? Feeding wise, have you much in at the min, there is a couple of threads on here that help feeding on a low budget! I know you feel [EMAIL="!!!!"]!!!![/EMAIL] at the moment, but things will get better!

supermum38

My father hasn't visited in 5 years because he says he can't manage the 8 hour journey by coach. When he calls he just talks about himself and never asks how we are and when I have asked for his help in the past he finds some excuse to get off the phone. My mum and I have reconnected in the last couple of years and get on great now. I went to visit her in Spain twice in April. The first with my sons and the second on my own because she knew I was down. We talked about how I could find another job and my medication. The thing is I had two types of counselling last year and came a long way. I know how to cope with my illness and know when I need help. When my job finished I had been attending interviews but constantly being rejected and the stress got to me. I went to see a new GP (as mine has retired) and he wanted to try different meds. For me it was about giving in when I have been so strong but I started them. I felt worse and when I was with my mum, I felt terrible, couldn't even complete my studies and was not very good company. She asked if I needed my meds and I realised I didn't. I can handle the depression and the pain if I keep myself busy so when I got back I started applying for the jobs she suggested and got my hopes up. As I said I got two interviews but was rejected. After the first one I called her and she offered to fly me to Spain again. I told her I didn't think it was the answer. I couldn't leave my youngest while he was doing his GCSE's and I felt I would be just running away. She has gone away with her husband for the weekend so can't even ring her til Monday. I have no brothers or sisters and I was estranged from my father's family as a child. Admittedly the shortage of friends is because of my mental health issues and forming normal relationships.
Now I do know more people through my volunteering, hobby and studies but none of them are friends who I could say all this to.

supermum38

nikki11 wrote: »

Hugs to you Supermum, for a start have a nice bath and get out of the p.j's - it does help . Job wise, have you signed up with recruitment agencies?
You've survived through worse and you'll get through this. Can you get in contact with HB and explain you need sorted asap? Feeding wise, have you much in at the min, there is a couple of threads on here that help feeding on a low budget! I know you feel !!!! at the moment, but things will get better!

Bless you Nikki. Hugs to you too.

I only got my first payment of ESA last Friday £71.70 and went straight out to Lidl's and Asda to shop. I bought basics stuff on offer. I'm actually quite good at this as I had to do it for 3 years before. I've been making bread in my bread machine for 3 days now! Trouble is I'm now on emergency electric and gas but they might last til Friday if I'm careful. I do still have some stuff in the cupboard and freezer but it's hard stopping a teenager from eating everything in sight! My eldest has been home for a few days after a mototrcycle accident but I get no money for him, even though I have been feeding him too. My youngest has finished his GCSE's now and won't be getting his free school meals. I did get a food voucher before I got my ESA payment but don't really want to do that again-I just don't feel I'm that helpless. With any luck a couple of mystery shopping payments might come through by Monday?

I don't think I'm any more depressed than anyone else who would be in my situation I just wish there was something nice to look forward too.

kazwookie

Is there a local food bank near you that may be alble to help you.

Can the older son get a job to help pay his way?

Lou67

I can't really offer any more advice other than what people have said here supermum38, but I just wanted to say that I am really sorry you're feeling this way.

I have also had very very low times, close family deaths, bankruptcy, house repossessed, job loss and many other issues, and it does get to you.

All I can say is it will get better, and at least you have your lovely children, and you're still quite young (38 I am guessing, by your username?) I wish you well, and hope you will feel better soon.

supermum38

kazwookie wrote: »

Is there a local food bank near you that may be alble to help you.

Can the older son get a job to help pay his way?

I did get a get a food voucher before my first payment came through but I have to go into town (cost) to get the voucher even though the food bank is close to me so I have to balance that out.

My eldest actually left in April to work as a live in PGL instructor nearby but as an apprentice (low wage and money reduced for food and accommodation) but he had a motorcycle accident last week and has been signed of for 4 weeks. He will get paid sick pay but needs to save for another bike (only 3rd party) so I can't expect him to pay anything. He is going to his dads this weekend and hopes to stay for a week to ease the pressure on me. He has offered to help but I won't accept as I don't want them to know how bad it is.

supermum38

Lou67 wrote: »

I can't really offer any more advice other than what people have said here supermum38, but I just wanted to say that I am really sorry you're feeling this way.

I have also had very very low times, close family deaths, bankruptcy, house repossessed, job loss and many other issues, and it does get to you.

All I can say is it will get better, and at least you have your lovely children, and you're still quite young (38 I am guessing, by your username?) I wish you well, and hope you will feel better soon.

Thanks Lou. I was bankrupt too but it disappeared off my credit file in January. I still don't have credit cards which would be handy right now but nothing I can do now.

I was 38, 4 years ago. lol

Yes, My boys are great and if I do nothing else, I can say I brought them up myself with no help from their father. I suppose it's the fact that they are close to flying the nest that I feel I should get a good job and can now find a partner, as they don't need me so much.