NO job, NO money, NO BF, NO social life

supermum38

matty17r wrote: »

Supermum38 - Sorry to hear about all your problems. Try visiting your local supermarkets at reduced times in the evening. You should be able to get some lovely food at much lower prices to feed your hungry teenagers. I find using this system you get much nicer food than the basic supermarket ranges and for less money and can really look forward to meal times and see how much further you money can go. It can give you a real buzz going to the whoopsie counter and seeing how much you can get for very little money.

Thanks for the message. I have tried this before but I find I am just tempted to buy sweet things or ready meals. I find it much easier to shop in one go, getting just the necessaries, not 5 bag of donuts for 10p each. I have been using my bread machine for the last few days and thankfully, I froze odd bits when I was working so we might just make it.:j

jollymummy

Like others have said read back over what you've done and you will see you are far from a failure. I bet if you read about someone else achieving what you have, you would be impressed by them.

I've had a sh*tty 18 months, my dh lost his job, has been ill, I've been ill, huge money worries and my little lad and putting a brave face on it for him has got me through but I have my off days.

I have found keeping myself busy keeps things in perspective. I don't know what you enjoy, but find some you time,I try to walk or potter about on my allotment every day.

Could you join a book group or evening class - free ones - to meet new people? Have a look on your local council website there are often lots of free events, classes etc. You might even find stuff you could do with your sons.

You'll meet someone when you are busy living your life.

Keep on, keeping on and good luck !!

supermum38

RE: looking for work.

I did register with agencies before but never got offered a single job. I think it's because I don't have 'real' qualifications. I have admin experience but no typing qualification but the ECDL extra. I also have a journalism qualification but don't have the attitude for it. I have years of retail and customer service experience but no supervisory experience, so I don't think agencies will be any help.

I can't do carework, cleaning or work in a school because of my condition but I'm willing to do anything else. I have filled in 3 more applications this week but heard nothing yet.

supermum38

jollymummy wrote: »

Like others have said read back over what you've done and you will see you are far from a failure. I bet if you read about someone else achieving what you have, you would be impressed by them.

I've had a sh*tty 18 months, my dh lost his job, has been ill, I've been ill, huge money worries and my little lad and putting a brave face on it for him has got me through but I have my off days.

I have found keeping myself busy keeps things in perspective. I don't know what you enjoy, but find some you time,I try to walk or potter about on my allotment every day.

Could you join a book group or evening class - free ones - to meet new people? Have a look on your local council website there are often lots of free events, classes etc. You might even find stuff you could do with your sons.

You'll meet someone when you are busy living your life.

Keep on, keeping on and good luck !!

Thank you for another lovely message. You are all so nice.

At one point I was a member of 3 committees but had to give these up as my studies got more demanding. I know that one of these provides classes in computing and photography but I have already done these in full at college!

I should probably explain that I live in a council area and we do have a shopping centre that used to be a hive of activity and is only minutes from my house, but at Xmas the roof fell in and it has been shut since! I used to walk there to the library, market and for whoopsies. I know that it will be opening again soon and the supermarket has been putting jobs up for when it opens. Both my youngest (15-bless him) and I have applied so waiting to hear now.

good_advice

Hello supermum 38. We are all virtual friends on here. Well done for coming for a chat.
Is that you dog? he looks lovely. I bet he likes going for a walk. Our dog does. He seems to know when he is included on an outing. Cannot take him to shops.
I find dog walking gets me out, on my own but still it is a free outing.

I am jobless too so really watch what I spend. I do have a family that works though.

When you are on the Internet, make it a must every day to look @ the freebie page. There is nothing like getting free samples in the post. Sitting down and drinking a tea or coffee from a sample and knowing it is a blessing not on the shopping list.
I have had so many diffrent freebies. Some of my favorites are shampoo and toothpaste. Saves me buying any.....

You have to be bothered! Get up and get dressed. No work means you can ware what you like! Put on a necklace too! even if it is just to put the washing on the line.

Try and start a hobby. It fills the time. I go through phrases.
Beginning of the year, I spent months decluttering and cleaning. A small amount a day. I got rid of the things we no longer needed all around the house and loft. No I do not have a messy house but it felt good to be doing something and giving away the items we no longer need.

You could read and do many crafts with all your time.

Go mad and go on the competition board....

Take cake.

supermum38

good_advice wrote: »

Hello supermum 38. We are all virtual friends on here. Well done for coming for a chat.
Is that you dog? he looks lovely. I bet he likes going for a walk. Our dog does. He seems to know when he is included on an outing. Cannot take him to shops.
I find dog walking gets me out, on my own but still it is a free outing.

I am jobless too so really watch what I spend. I do have a family that works though.

When you are on the Internet, make it a must every day to look @ the freebie page. There is nothing like getting free samples in the post. Sitting down and drinking a tea or coffee from a sample and knowing it is a blessing not on the shopping list.
I have had so many diffrent freebies. Some of my favorites are shampoo and toothpaste. Saves me buying any.....

You have to be bothered! Get up and get dressed. No work means you can ware what you like! Put on a necklace too! even if it is just to put the washing on the line.

Try and start a hobby. It fills the time. I go through phrases.
Beginning of the year, I spent months decluttering and cleaning. A small amount a day. I got rid of the things we no longer needed all around the house and loft. No I do not have a messy house but it felt good to be doing something and giving away the items we no longer need.

You could read and do many crafts with all your time.

Go mad and go on the competition board....

Take cake.

Thanks you for shouting at me! lol

It's true, I am being lazy. My dog is great and does love a walk but won't leave the house in the rain! She is a Staffordshire bull terrier and incredibly strong - so I can't win that one! She never demands walks so I never feel obliged to take her, it's also hard work so my eldest takes her out when he's here, because he knows what it does to me physically. I do take her just not often.

I do have loads to do...I got some file boxes from freecycle and was planning to sort out my over stuffed files of paperwork. I also got some paint from Freecycle to paint my front room (bit at a time) some weeks ago but haven't started. I also need to mow my lawn (in stages) and pot some plants. Hands up! I have plenty to do, just no motivation:(

paulineb_2

Ive spoken a bit on here about the year my family had last year, it was the worst thing I think we have been through in a long time. But you get through. Please believe me having a bf is not the answer. I was on my own for a long time, I met someone last year, he turned out to be a complete idiot. Having the right relationship is worth waiting for.

I suffered from work related stress for a long time, years, many years and the last bout of it left me with severe confidence issues. My gran died in 2010 and in 2011, I went out once. I went from someone who loved going out, to someone who only left the house to work and to see my mum.

Last year after things were sorted for my family, my then boss tried to and then sacked me, I ended up on anti depressants and in counselling. 8 months ago I was miserable, stressed, low.

But even in the middle of all that, I decided that I needed to give myself a right old kick up the backside and start socialising again. I joined the site meet up, Ive been on about 12 meets with them.
I also started saying yes when people asked me to go out for a drink.
I still only go out maybe twice a month but its better than nothing.

Try and get your housing benefit sorted, everything you are entitled to, if you need help, take it, people wont think any the less of you.

Life can be hard at times and its always easy to think that someone else is having a better life, we all have our own struggles.

Im working again (for myself) and even though life is far from perfect and I dont have much money, Im not locking myself away.

And it sounds like a cliche but there are always people far worse off. Make the most of sites such as freecycle, Ive done so in the past, look on here for ways of making the money you have stretch further.

And give yourself a pat on the back instead of kicking yourself up and down.

Cognitive behavioural therapy might help and you can buy books cheaply if you cant afford to see someone, helps change the way you view the world.

supermum38

Thanks Pauline B. I am truly sorry to hear about your suffering.

I believe we have some similar issues. Strees is a major trigger for my depression (and fibromyalgia). I did CBT for the second time last year and even have 'CBT for dummies' beside my bed. I too became agrophobic and unsociable before and just don't want to end up like that again which is one of the reasons I don't want to be on meds.

I have been accepting invites and forcing myself to go out but now money is tight it's going to be difficult. One of my friends and I do lunch alternate weeks at our houses and that has really been good for both of us. Another friend and I have a DVD night. Trouble is thus week they were both on holiday so I've felt a bit lost.

If I'm honest, I wouldn't want to start a relationship now anyway, but I guess I think about more because I'm not busy with work and studies. Saying that when I was busy I didn't feel I had time for a relationship either.

LondonDreamer

I'm not going to comment on the other aspects, as I think others have said everything I would. But I did want to comment on the job applications because this caught my eye...

supermum38 wrote: »

For both jobs I received an email saying "I had been unsucessful but that they were unable to give individual feedback due to the number of applicants." One friend assured me that it is just the number of people applying and that they have 'the pick of the crop'.

Sometimes I think I only get the interview because I tick the disability box?

Your friend is correct, the average number of people applying for each job is insane. I work in a technical field which requires specialist experience. Our last job opening had about 60 applications. As the manager reviewing the CVs, I genuinely had to turn away applicants who could have done the job just to get the numbers down.

Admin jobs (which I read in a later post is your experience) can have literally hundreds of applications each. The fact you're getting to interview is impressive, disability or not, so please don't give up hope. And just FYI, I never knew personal details when reviewing the CVs to decide who to bring forward to interview. So you'd be getting through on your merit, not to satisfy an equal opportunities quota.

paulineb_2

Thank you. Things are ok now, we got through last year in one piece.

Some of the groups I joined on meet up, it costs, but others dont. I joined a walking group. There are probably outdoor fitness groups as well. Lots of the groups on meet up are free.

Im short of cash as well, I do work but Im a freelance fitness instructor and money isnt great so I know exactly what its like to be short of cash.

But theres always groups out there that go walking or do fitness in parks and either free, or low cost, its just a matter of finding out whats on.

And its good you do have friends. Lunch and dvd sounds good.
And dare I say it exercise is also good. I have a friend who has fibromyalgia and I know how debilitating that is, but shes a fitness instructor and teaches classes.

If you cant afford a gym membership have a think about finding a walking group or similar. Theres always good stuff on youtube as well.

Fitness is good for the soul really and there have been times in my life where Ive been too low to exercise but it makes a massive difference to how I feel about myself, my self confidence.

And Im 44, single so I do know what its like to feel like the entire world is in a couple, but its really not like that.

Its just a matter of finding whats good about your life and realising that you actually have a lot more positive stuff going on than you think you do.