9 month old in full time nursery

mrcow

fluffnutter wrote: »

I think it's certainly true that being at nursery will give your child the opportunity to do stuff that might not happen at home. I'm pretty unimaginative and most of Freddie's time is spent in what I call 'unstructured play', i.e. just get on with it Freddie whilst mummy does other stuff I don't really spend an awful lot of time playing with him as such simply because I can't really think of what to do.

That's really sad to read

There are 1001 things you can do with your child. You should make the most of this time. Once they are grown and at e.g. secondary school, you'll lose so much of that precious time together and regret missed opportunities.

fluffnutter

Janepig wrote: »

MIL used to work in a primary school and she used to say that you could tell with the new starters those who'd never been to a nursery or pre-school, and those who had, by the ones who were clinging to their mother's legs, howling, and those who went in happily.

Jx

I think it's more to do with personality. Some kids are just shy or more wary of new situations than others. I don't think there's any evidence that children who are cared for primarily by their mothers are any less able to adapt to school than those who have been to nursery. In fact (not that I'm making judgements about women who choose to put their children in childcare) there's evidence to suggest just the opposite - that those children who've had a continuity of care, particularly with their mothers, are more confident and less demanding than those who haven't.

I think it's not a case of being able to tell who's been to pre-school and who hasn't, rather than people assume who's been to pre-school and who not, find that their assumption is correct in, say, one or two cases, then look no further for 'evidence'. It's human nature to find situations that fit our beliefs rather than look for contradictions. Thus your MIL has seen one upset child who happens to have been looked after solely by mum and QED - all children who don't go to pre-school are clingy. Objective studies just don't demonstrate that.

fluffnutter

mrcow wrote: »

That's really sad to read

There are 1001 things you can do with your child. You should make the most of this time. Once they are grown and at e.g. secondary school, you'll lose so much of that precious time together and regret missed opportunities.

One of the problems that parents, particularly women, have is the ability to be honest about how they bring up their babies and children without fear of not fitting some stereotype of the perfect mother. Women are adapt at sequeing their behaviour into that which is socially acceptable so as not to cause upset and, as a result, feel unable to talk honestly about how they feel. Inevitably this leads to isolation and a lack of confidence in their ability to love and care for their children.

Luckily I'm far too bombastic to worry about what others think but the less time people spend telling others how to bring up children, the more women will be able to enjoy their babies without feeling judged or criticised.

Janepig

fluffnutter wrote: »

I think it's more to do with personality. Some kids are just shy or more wary of new situations than others. I don't think there's any evidence that children who are cared for primarily by their mothers are any less able to adapt to school than those who have been to nursery. In fact (not that I'm making judgements about women who choose to put their children in childcare) there's evidence to suggest just the opposite - that those children who've had a continuity of care, particularly with their mothers, are more confident and less demanding than those who haven't.

I think it's not a case of being able to tell who's been to pre-school and who hasn't, rather than people assume who's been to pre-school and who not, find that their assumption is correct in, say, one or two cases, then look no further for 'evidence'. It's human nature to find situations that fit our beliefs rather than look for contradictions. Thus your MIL has seen one upset child who happens to have been looked after solely by mum and QED - all children who don't go to pre-school are clingy. Objective studies just don't demonstrate that.

I disagree, and I don't think MIL had an agenda either way, it was just something she observed over many years. Personally speaking the "clingy" children I have known over the years have tended to be the ones who have never been in a pre-school setting. That's not to say children who have are never going to get upset going to school. And it's not a dig at stay at home mums (which judging by some of the responses I assume that's what I'm being accused of), because alot of children will go to a playgroup for an hour or two a day before starting school, whether mum is at home or not.

Jx

CH27

mrcow wrote: »

That's really sad to read

There are 1001 things you can do with your child. You should make the most of this time. Once they are grown and at e.g. secondary school, you'll lose so much of that precious time together and regret missed opportunities.

But Fluff is also teaching her child to play independently & allowing him to use his imagination to invent games which is great.
I do agree that children & parent playing together is important but a child does need to be able to entertain themselves.

Spendless

Today as I took my 10 yo daughter to school we started a conversation off about nurserys (school ones and private ones) and I told her how she'd attended a private one for 3 full days a week when I first went back to college. it was news to her, she didn't even remember it and she had her 3rd birthday whilst she was there. Give it a try and see how you get on. If it doesn't work out look for other options then.

dizziblonde

Janepig wrote: »

MIL used to work in a primary school and she used to say that you could tell with the new starters those who'd never been to a nursery or pre-school, and those who had, by the ones who were clinging to their mother's legs, howling, and those who went in happily.

Jx

And before anyone not going back to work gets the guilt nodes tingling at this...

I used to teach reception and I never could. Some kids transitioned easier than others - but I never did find a correlation between their childcare arrangements prior to this. You could tell some things without looking at files - generally summer/autumn birthdays - but never that.

Not all took it to the extremes of a friend's daughter who had been at home with her mum up until then who took one look around behind her and told her mum to go home and make herself a cup of tea though!

Personally if I had to go back to work (economically it makes no sense for me to do so) - I would be looking at childminders instead of nurseries - I just don't like some of what I've seen from our local ones and I think we put kids into too large, too formal settings too young in this country. That's just my personal view though.

Janepig

dizziblonde wrote: »

And before anyone not going back to work gets the guilt nodes tingling at this...

I used to teach reception and I never could. Some kids transitioned easier than others - but I never did find a correlation between their childcare arrangements prior to this. You could tell some things without looking at files - generally summer/autumn birthdays - but never that.

Not all took it to the extremes of a friend's daughter who had been at home with her mum up until then who took one look around behind her and told her mum to go home and make herself a cup of tea though!

Personally if I had to go back to work (economically it makes no sense for me to do so) - I would be looking at childminders instead of nurseries - I just don't like some of what I've seen from our local ones and I think we put kids into too large, too formal settings too young in this country. That's just my personal view though.

Why should anyone feel guilty? I said it was unscientific, it wasn't my intention to make anyone feel guilty. I think your last paragraph would make someone choosing a day nursery feel guilty when it's just your personal opinion. I personally prefer a day nursery setting to a child minder, but that's just me.

There's none so judgemental of mothers as other mothers.

Jx

CherylOB

My daughter went to nursery from when she was 8 months (she's 10 now). She progressed faster than other children her age, in relation to speech and potty training, etc. She did have her fair share of accidents though too. If you asked her about it now, she doesn't remember being there.

I am now pregnant again, and will most likely have to return to work full-time. If this is the case, the baby will go to nursery too. I personally prefer the nursery environment and the fact they are around several adults, rather than just one. I prefer that they have more of a structured day too.

pukkamum

I think my main problem with full time nursery from a very young age (ducking as I type) is that a babies personality and behaviour is copied from the person they spend the most time with.
I have worked at many nurseries and I have seen good, bad and indifferent nursery workers.
Even if I was guaranteed a good nursery worker, it is still my morals, speech and actions I want my child to copy not a strangers.
So many mums think a nursery is a much more stimulating place to be, well yes once they reach the toddler stage maybe but certainly not for a young baby, 2 workers in a baby room cannot give the attention that a mum at home can.
I am by no means saying that working mums are a bad thing, I know many mums have no choice to work, I just think if you have a choice staying at home should be seriously considered and sacrifices should be made.