Friend racially abused on the bus :(

Pinkbubbles

Hi
Some background to begin with, I suppose. I am 15 years old and so is my friend S.
Apologies if I don't speak a lot of sense, I'm trying to approach this logically, the events are sort of blurred as I feel very guilty, for not speaking up I guess. Being cowardly.
Me and my friend were catching the bus into town around midday yesterday, the stop wasn't overly busy and we got on to the bus promptly. I think we were the only ones from the stop.
The bus wasn't incredibly full, but every aisle has been accommodated by at least one person, apart from one. I head to this one and S follows.
What I didn't realise at the time was that the man behind was heavily drunk, slurring his words and clutching a beer can. At first I can hear him muttering random words, but they're not legible enough for me to make out. I note S goes red, so I strain my ears, though I don't need to to at this point, as the man launches into some sort of racist spiel.
From what I remember
"If I was prime minister, I'd get rid of these lot, deport the lot of them. For killing that soldier".
Followed by a lot of obscenities, the p word (start of a country), black this and that.
All of these comments aren't made directly to S, but just loud enough for us to hear, and know he's referring to her.
He then launches a personal attack, about S saying that her sort think they are so pretty and pure, yeah right she'd knock off your (text removed by Forum Team) doorbell (unsure what this means, could anyone clear this up?)
referring to the way she is dressed and the fact her hair is covered by a headscarf.
S texts me, guess she is wary that the man may overhear, basically pleading with me to stay quiet, just leave it she doesnt want any trouble and dont even turn around to look at him as you may provoke him, and we will get off at the closest stop to our destination. I text back protesting, and she tells me it'll be her who has to deal with the fallout and if she values our friendship to just leave it.
Another lady gets on, also ethnic and the man launches into an albeit vicious but quiet attack about she's not sitting near me, no effin way. She sits elsewhere, there are lots of seats so it wasn't too much of a problem.
Firstly I assumed he was talking to himself, but I heard the occasional laugh, so I was quite sure he was accompanied by a female. Think they were both middle aged.
The bus is quiet, and there are 2 elderly ladies and a middle aged man are having a conversation. They seem to ignore what's going on, even letting the man into parts of their conversation being perfectly civil with him.
I was quite shocked by this as they seemed well mannered and polite, but it seems nobody wanted to help I guess. Don't know if I'm blowing this out of proportion somewhat.
Truthfully, I was scared and intimidated, doubtful that anyone would rise to our assistance if he did attack her, as they've been quiet since he started. I'm unsure if I'm overreacting, we are both frozen to our seats, and approaching the last few stops, when we get off.
The driver seems to look at us sympathetically, I'm certain he's heard every word.
The man shouts good riddance and starts laughing raucously, i noticed another elderly man near the front also smirking.
S told me she doesn't want to talk about it, talking wont change anything and I'm overreacting basically. I suggest reporting it, she snappily points out we don't even know what he looks like, which is true I was to cowardly too look, in fear I may provoke him.
Sorry for the rambly post, I just wanted to get it all out.
I haven't told my parents, and S hasn't for similar reasons. Our parents are both overprotective and for S having her bus travel restricted would mean giving up her only mode of transport. She doesn't also want to alarm them ,which I can understand, her mum was in two minds about letting her go out, and I'm sure for most mums this would tip the scale.
Our local area is very diverse btw.
Please don't suggest consulting out parents for this reason.
I'm assuming reporting this is out of the question, as we don't have any proof, it was an old fashioned bus so no CCTV I think, anyway doesnt cctv only pick up image?
I suppose I want a little bit of advice about what to do, some perspective and a sounding board.
Thanks for reading

Dunroamin

He was drunk - you're overreacting.

Pinkbubbles

Dunroamin wrote: »

He was drunk - you're overreacting.

Think I may just leave it then, and use this thread as a sounding board. Was a bit shaken about the attitude of the people around us, they seemed to be perfectly happy as it didn't concern them, life I guess :mad:
Isn't there a rule about drunks on buses and drinking alcohol on buses? It's not the first time I've seen considerably drunk people on buses, so I think it'd be fair to say it isn't enforced much.
Thanks anyway

MrsDrink

I disagree with Dunroamin, being drunk doesn't excuse his behaviour. (Especially as your feelings seem to have been validated by the bus driver's sympathetic look).

I personally would be tempted to contact the bus company, as really I would have expected the bus driver to step in. (You have enough details to identify him, the bus time, route etc).

But so you can understand why no-one helped, have a read up on Bystander Apathy.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bystander_effect

pigpen

The bus company are not allowed to have intoxicated people on the bus so report that.. you don't need to give your name or anything just the bus number and if you have your ticket it will say which route and bus it was and the Id of the driver.

You did right not confronting this person, he was drunk and could easily have injured you or you friend. He could have had a knife or other weapon.

I know you don't want to, but this is obviously bothering you a great deal and if you were my daughter I would be very upset you didn't feel I would listen or be supportive. Your mum doesn't necessary have to speak to your friends parents but she could ring the bus company and speak to them.

I live in a very diverse area too, right near the university so there are lots of different people from different countries and cultures and religions.

The problem with alcohol is it means the drunk person doesn't think before opening their mouth so they say things they would normally keep to themselves, it is like a window into their tiny little narrow mind. It also makes them believe they are indestructible.

balletshoes

I totally understand that you're upset for your friend, and that you both felt intimidated. I would too. You did absolutely the right thing in doing as your friend asked, and not interacting with this drunken fool in any way.

In future, if you are in a similar situation, and feel threatened or intimidated in that or any other way, go forward and stay near the driver. Tell the driver (without distracting them from the road obviously) why you have moved to stand/sit near them.

gibson123

Pinkbubbles, there are unpleasant people, this man was drunk, he behaved atrociously, if it wasn't your friend it would have been some-one else. Your friend did really well, she kept you and herself safe by not engaging with the drunk man and you both got off the bus safely. In situation where some-one is attacking you, especially an unpredictable adult is to keep calm and act passive. However after such a nasty incident you can protect yourself further by de-personalising it. This man does not know you or your friend, you do not like him, you certainly do not respect him, so decide not to let his behaviour affect you any more. No-one is at fault apart from this guy, his opinion is worth nothing, move on.

Pixiechic

Sounds like quite a frightening and intimidating situation you and your friend were in.

I agree that you did the right thing by not engaging with him. You just don't know what people like that, in that state, will do.

I would call the bus company, if this man uses that route often, then he may be identifiable if another complaint is made. His behaviour was unacceptable.

marisco_2

I am very sorry to hear about the awful experience yourself and your friend endured. Despite naturally feeling very anxious and concerned you both remained composed and handled this situation with dignity and a maturity way beyond your years. You should feel very proud of yourselves for coping so well, many adults would struggle to deal with things as well as you did.

It is sickening and abhorrent that a grown man got so inebriated on alcohol, that he lost leave of his senses to the degree that he chose to behave in such an offensive and intimidating manner. His foul mouthed opinions ultimately showed him up as an ignorant, racist bigot. He only has to be overheard doing this by the wrong people to land himself in an awful lot of trouble. Something tells me his actions will catch up with him sooner rather than later.

I think the other people on the bus probably felt as uncomfy around him as you did. To respond to him in anyway would have given him the attention and validation he craved. They were treating him like a child and ignoring his repulsive behaviour. The ones that did include him in their conversation were most likely trying to get him to focus away from his rant and defuse the situation.

I really hope that yourself and your friend are okay. If you feel unable to mention this to your parents is there anyone at your school who you could talk this over with? Getting others perspectives on what happened may help you to come to terms with it all and feel safer.

harrys_nan

Def call the bus company and report the driver, most busses have a radio and the driver should have called for the police to come and remove the drunk from the bus.
I'm sorry that nobody thought to help you but people nowadays dont like to get involved. I'm glad you were both ok though even though it must have been scary for you.
Try and put it out off your minds, he was just a drunken idiot who isn't worth even thinking about anymore

harrys_nan

Dunroamin wrote: »

He was drunk - you're overreacting.

How nice are you, the girls were young teenagers for gods sake.