6 grand in 6 months - my personal challenge!

cottage_retreatist

hey wantabetterlife!

I think it is a distraction technique -it's weird though - there's nothing in his life I think is difficult - his job is straightforward and he confesses although there are moments where its a bit fraught, most of the time it's mundane, he rarely cooks, doesn't do cleaning or laundry, we have no children, watches what he wants every evening, has his Xbox, his tobacco and alcohol. To me it sounds like an idyllic life!!!

But he doesn't have many friends - he has one who comes to stay with us every few months for a weekend and he spends all his evening and all his weekends sat in front of the tv. He doesn't even come to the market to go shopping with me

I can't quite understand it - i get cabin fever after a few days and always need to do something - hence being on MSE all the time and doing all the budgets! He needs a big fat kick up the arrrrse thats what I say! :rotfl:

but i can never get him to do anything, he's never motivated. Its enough to drive me crazy!!!!!! I've just resigned myself to it but it does worry me that next year we will start trying for children and would I be stuck doing all the chores, tending to the kids and working if we do?

but - the curry was nice :cool:

xx

wantabetterlife

Its definitely a hard one CR...especially when you throw children into the mix...hopefully this would turn into a positive and would actually lift his mood.
I am like you...I cannot understand how people can play computer games for hours on end and stay indoors and not see anyone...I would go Cuckoo...my need to talk is far too great to ever allow it :rotfl::rotfl:.
Glad the curry was nice, we had chilli which was lovely and enough leftover for lunch tomorrow .

HOK3Y

Hiya C-R :wave:

I don't know your OH and can only speak from a little experience. Does he get overwhelmed easily and/or has he felt somewhat shunned socially at some point? It sounds like he is retreating, perhaps trying to regain control when he feels it has slipped and the only way to control his environment is to retreat to home. If he doesn't feel he can handle his life, he may decide not to handle it for a while. It is easier to withdraw than fail. And a conscious withdrawal means that he retains some control - and if he gets fired, well that was part of the plan.......but he got fired on his terms rather than going to work, trying and failing in his position.

I don't know if that is what is going on and I am purely sharing a personal perspective. I wish you love and luck in getting through. Sounds like he needs to regains some self assurance somehow. Xx

cottage_retreatist

hey HOK3Y and wantabetterlife!!

mm, OH likes chilli but I have to say WABL - I'm not a fan of the old red kidney beans!!!!!:eek:

I think it is a control thing - I have to say I couldn't do a psych evaluation on him but he does like to have the appearance of being in control of things and if he can't control things he just tends to ignore them (like debts!!!!) or run away (which he does by getting sacked or moving jobs every 18 months or so). It can be tricky as my personal default is continuity in life, jobs and everything!

Its pisces clashing with taurus there! :rotfl:

I think he has to bring himself through it, like you say HOK3Y - I suppose I'm quite selfish about it as I need him to keep his job even if he doesn't like it so we can battle these debts.

I think maybe kids would ground him - if only for a sense of purpose! Only time will tell - he says he's not ready just yet, but if my promotion is made permanent there is nothing to stop us! We've even named them - hoping for twins - boy and girl (pop them out in 1 go!!!) :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Thrifty_Fashionista

Thank you again CR, Raggydoll and crazy_lady, still single, broke and in debt but feeling a bit better today.

Had a good declutter yesterday and listed some bits to sell.

Now just gotta get rid of this debt and find me a man!!!
TF x

wantabetterlife

Am laughing to myself about the twins comment...my brother had twins five months ago, all I have to say is HARD WORK...your OH will never get to play GTA again :rotfl::rotfl:

HOK3Y

My sister had twins when her daughter was 16 months old. I couldn't stand being in her house for the first year of their lives!!

cottage_retreatist

I'll definitely be inviting you for tea and cake if we do have them then HOK3Y!!!!!

WABL - He'll probably do what I saw on Pinterest once - a dad playing computer games with his two kids but the kids didn't realise for hours their controllers weren't actually plugged in!!!! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

This evening I've had enough I'm going to get OH to call the DCA and yesterday just because I wanted to pay something off I paid off 40 quid form a credit card to increase my monthly amount!! Every little helps?

Even better - got me a free greek yoghurt at Charing Cross Station on the way to work!!!!!!! I love Friday! :j:j

TF - don't race to get yourself a man - they're not always all they're cracked up to be!!!!!!!! Enjoy your debt-busting journey! :T

xx

HOK3Y

Ha! You won't have time to make tea or cake......lol!!!!!

cottage_retreatist

I'll get the live in au pair to do it obviously!!!!!!! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: