Real-life MMD: Should I shop my brother over his scratchcard win?

Valli

DigForVictory wrote: »

And of course, don't lend him tuppence yourself in future. You've just had copper bottomed proof he's a bit unreliable...

and this, too!

Arthog

It seems that the only way to preserve family trust is for him to tell your sister in your presence.
If you tell her behind his back, neither will trust you again. He has put you in a very difficult situation. Tell him that.
As others have said, the truth will out, so he must deal with it asap.

dwrjones87

I'd tell him to tell her himself and pay it back, and if he doesn't then tell her

He's still £200 up

JayD

We lent rather a lot of money to our 35 year old son some time ago to get him out of serious financial difficulties. While we accept that 'loans' to your children invariably mean 'gifts' and we should not expect full repayment, we have seen him buy so many luxury items for himself with work bonuses and pay rises in the years since that it has caused us a considerable amount of frustration. Both because we were concerned that he would fall back into debt again but also because we felt that, if he had sufficient money for such things now, maybe a little bit of any extra cash that came his way should come ours too.

Whilst I would say to an outsider with the inside info you have, that it is not for them to intervene, within a family you are bound to have a sense of loyalty.

So I think if you should try to persuade your brother to tell her - and maybe agree to share the win with her 50/50, with the promise to repay the rest as and when he can. But if he wont agree to do it himself, then yes, you should tell your sister and let her sort it out.

I am confident that your sister will notice his sudden ability to splash out on a treat for himself and will tackle it in her own way but by then, it will probably be too late to recoup anything.

darren_lane

100% yes!

I'm one if 3 brothers-the eldest.
Me and the middle brother both work really hard and are reasonably savvy with money.
The youngest is terrible with money and almost every other WEEK he asks one or both of us for money. Usually between £250 and £1,000.
We always get it back.
But by giving it to him we have realised we aren't helping in the long run.
People need to learn to manage their own money. It's for their own good and sometimes you need to be 'cruel to be kind'

stmartinsdiver

Anyone who borrows money but does not pay it back when they have the chance of doing so (and still having something left over by virtue of an unexpected windfall) but does not do so, does not deserve to have been lent the money in the first place. I would simply tell him that if he doesn't at least talk to your sister and offer to repay the money then he will lose any trust and respect you have for him and risks the same thing happening with the sister if ever she finds out.

HappySad

I would tell him to pay it all back in full and keep the rest. I had this done to me where I lent money and the other person thought they could not afford to pay me back dispute having well deserved trips to the pub plus holidays. I never it got my money back so I now never lend to people.

I would also not to not to ever lend to this person as he will never pay you back. He has a lump sum and in his head he has no intension to ay back which means he will never pay it back.

I would also tell the sister too.

Primrose

Family debts are No 1 moral obligations in my value code. Some may feel it's not your business but I'd be inclined to ask him he doesn't feel a moral obligation to a family member who helped him out in a previous time of difficulty. If he doesn't I'd suggest to him that next time he runs into difficulties he has the decency to refrain from running to his family to bail him out.

tess1758

Maybe not, after trying to jog his conscience, BUT don't you
ever lend him money in the future!!!!

gayleygoo

If your brother didn't want your sister to find out about the winnings, he shouldn't have told you - he can't expect you to keep a secret from her. I'm not sure if I'd tell her outright, at least not right away... let him know that he should be paying her back the full amount he owes, and while you might not "blab" to her about it if he doesn't, you won't be keeping secrets or telling lies for him, and if the subject of money, winnings, whatever comes up between you and your sis, it is completely your decision as to whether you tell her or not. It's not your business to get stuck between your siblings, or to help your sis get her money back, again just feel you don't have to keep a secret.

He might be annoyed with you if you do tell her, but in my opinion that is fairer than her being annoyed with you, when it's your brother in the wrong.

I'm not sure why people are so surprised an unemployed person is buying scratchcards - I'm sure many of us MSE-minded people would have no intention of doing such a thing when we're so struck for cash, but not everyone buys only necessities with their limited income/benefits. It's no worse really than buying alcohol, ciggies, sweets and other random stuff on a tiny budget, which many people do before they consider food, rent or bills. I know plenty of them!