Is it fair for me to have another baby?!

bella2121

notanewuser wrote: »

Watch a few episodes of "The Middle". You should never have so many kids that they outnumber the parents.

I love the middle! So funny ha

I say go for it I'm expecting baby number 3 wasn't planned but am so happy I've got 2 boys now having a little girl, I don't think I've ever heard anyone say they regret having there children but plenty who regret not having them

Xx

notanewuser

bella2121 wrote: »

I don't think I've ever heard anyone say they regret having there children but plenty who regret not having them

Oh, I have.

pelirocco

CH27 wrote: »

A third child completely frazzled my friend both emotionally & financially.
Also once all the children were doing activities there were timing clashes etc.
Two to three is a big step imo.

I found 3 easy

4however was very hard...........however I wouldn't change it for the world, am so glad I didn't stop at 2

Robin_TBW

Bigger isn't always better. Enjoy your family as it is. You're happy now and think you'll be happier but what is you're not and things take a little dip? You'll know the reason why and you could struggle more with a packed house, with five people in two bed rooms. Enjoy where you are.

smithyjules

This is just my personal experience so not a judgement on yours op.

Our first baby was a breeze from a great pregnancy, straightforward birth through to being a happy contented little girl (even if she is getting a bit big fir her boots now at 6!;) ). I always wanted a companion sibling for our daughter but my Husband only wanted 1 chid as he was anxious about how a second would upset the status quo.

Roll on 3 years and we decide to have another baby for lots of reasons.

I had pre-eclampsia (not known until 32 weeks) and was unbelievably tired, lethargic, emotional, headaches etc. All things that not only affected my dd but really upset me as I am an outgoing bubbly jump in muddy puddles kind of mummy! Then at 32 weeks I was diagnosed and admitted to hospital for the duration of the pregnancy. This meant leaving my dd and my husband for some weeks. The despair I felt was immense.

Following on from the birth, our ds is a completely different child to our dd. He spent the first 18 months screaming and not sleeping (i'm sure he must have had some pleasant moments as we have photos to show it but I certainly don't remember many!). He is now 3 and of course we love him to pieces. He still has a wicked temper and constantly harrasses his 6 year old sister (we are in a 2 bed) which is a constant strain.

We will never regret having our little boy but my goodness he is hard work and the impact the experience has had on my daughter and my marriage has been tough. I still have guilt for leaving my daughter when I went into hospital.

Had I known before what an impact it would of had we would not have had a second, however saying that we all love him immensely and would not be without him. But I did send Hubby off for the snip asap! When he was all clear of swimmers the doctor asked to remove my coil...I said I'd keep it just in case thanks!

Best of luck with your decision and future but just remember what you do have now ( not meant to come across as patronising!) X

Person_one

smithyjules, have you ever had any counselling to help you with everything you've all been through and the way you feel? It sounds like it might help.

smithyjules

Thanks person one. We have indeed. I lost a brother to cot death when I was younger and had panic attacks throughout my teenage years and then having our family has been an anxious time too with that experience having an impact first on my family as a child sand now too. Counselling has helped immensely both to prepare me to have our first and to keep our marriage together through tough times. Thankfully we always knew it wasn't us as a couple that was the issue just that we both wanted to escape for some relief sometimes! Fishing for my husband once a month (including one night) and a sleepover for me at my best friends once a month is amazing! Our dd goes off to one of her Nannys for a mini break adventure in the holidays sometimes too.

Thank you for your thoughts xx

daisiegg

Having no children yet myself I am probably not qualified to comment but from things other people have said, I think if you feel you very strongly want another child it might be hard to get rid of that feeling. There are three in my family and my youngest sibling is quite a bit younger than the other two - I think my parents only planned on two. However, they always talk about how when we were together as a family, they felt like someone was missing. Not, 'we want another baby', but 'there is a member of our family who should be here and isn't'. Then when they had my brother (after a couple of miscarriages, I may add - I do know it is not as easy as just clicking your fingers and getting pregnant) they knew everyone was finally present and correct. I suppose feeling like that would be very compelling and hard to ignore for the sake of space in your house.

lilymay1

I don't know if this has been mentioned, and indeed OP, you may have some experience of this yourself, but actually getting pregnant again can be an immense challenge for some people and of course, being pregnant does not always end in a a baby (or a healthy baby).

Nobody ever thinks it will happen to them, and you can't live your life expecting it will, but it is something to consider. Looking back, I am thankful that I didn't have any other children when my daughter died. I can only imagine how hard it would have been for a small child to come to terms with what happened.

And as for your question about rooms; no I wouldn't have 3 children in 1 room.

mrbrightside842

I'd look at seeing if we could afford to rent somewhere bigger. 3 kids in a 2 bedroom is a squeeze. Plus it could end up as twins!