Is it fair for me to have another baby?!

Person_one

Having a family bigger than the 'standard' 4 does seem to make a lot of things more awkward and expensive.

A friend of mine has two at primary school and a toddler. Since having number 3 they've had to get a bigger car, day trips and things are more expensive as a family ticket always means two adults and two children, its harder for any of the children to get much one to one time and now the little one is walking being out in public with only one adult and three kids is fraught! She says she never should have had more children than she had arms, of course she wouldn't actually be without any of them, but i think its been more work than they expected, they felt like old pros but it does bring new challenges.

CH27

A third child completely frazzled my friend both emotionally & financially.
Also once all the children were doing activities there were timing clashes etc.
Two to three is a big step imo.

gingin_2

My friend has that set up and the bedroom issue has been a problem for them. I know that the youngest is still in their bedroom at 4, on a mattress by mum's side of the bed and it does affect their relationship. The also child seems quite clingy, it often ends up that mum sleep downstairs on sofa bed with youngest so that dad gets decent sleep, as he works a pretty demanding job and is often physically unwell.

I just wanted to add that I always wanted 3, perhaps even 4 children, at one time I was desperate for another but OH wasn't and we stopped at 2 and in hindsight I am glad we didn't have any more.

manzanilla

You don't say how old you are. I would leave it a while and think about number 3 in a few years when you have sorted out somewhere larger - a large age gap can work out just fine as you will have more time to have fun with the baby without jealous toddlers demanding your attention.

pukkamum

We had no3 after many many discissions we went round in circles, at one point we decided to but got cold feet and left it for a year.
After a year of more discussion we realised that if we were talking about it so much we clearly wanted it.
We have a space issue but my feeling was would a few years of being cramped matter when we were 60 with 3 lovely children.
Is it hard work, yes, but with careful rejigging of rooms, using all available space for storage, its fine.
I love being a family of five, I feel she completes us as a family, and when they are all snuggled on the sofa I know I did the right thing.
Had I not had her then, she is 2 now, I know that it would have eaten away at me.
She has been hardwork, more noise, less money etc and although we can't afford a foreign hol iday every year we do lots of other stuff with the kids that builds just as many lovely memories and experience.

penguin83

I have just had my third after years of us talking about it (my children are 10, 8 and 8 weeks to give you an idea of how long we thought about it!) We moved into our 3 bed house a month before my second was born and in my head we would buy a 4 bed a few years later and have our third. Obviously things don't quite go to plan and we are still in the same house. The problem we now have is we have left it so long I think there will be too big an age gap for the boys to share.

The baby has slotted right in to our family and it is like he has always been here. He will stay with us in our room for a couple of years and then we will figure out the space issue. We have the option of extending downstairs and making a downstairs bedroom, extending into the loft with a dormer type room or moving.

I am just using the theory that it will all work itself out! xx

jellyhead

We decided not to, in case the third was a girl.

But initially, when I miscarried an unplanned baby soon after having my second, I wanted to try again for third and my husband didn't, so we agreed to talk about it again in 2 or 3 years.

3 years on, he still didn't want another. When my youngest started school I was very broody and I really wished my husband would change his mind. In the end, when youngest turned 7 my husband asked if I wanted to try for a third. Just when the overdraft is at it's worst and youngest is finally mature enough to be forced into childcare against his will so I can get a job.

We've just taken in another teenager, and we have managed, space-wise. It's not ideal, especially with the two teenagers having exams at the same time, and having to take turns to use the kitchen table for homework and revision. Also, the living room isn't really big enough for 5 to sit down, so somebody has to sit on the floor, on a beanbag. Theme parks and days out are more expensive, and travelodge rooms only hold 4.

But it's made me regret not trying to persuade my husband earlier, to be honest. I wish I'd had a third before turning 40 and getting used to unbroken sleep. Even 9 months ago I was so broody it hurt. Now I've resigned myself to getting a job, and come to terms with my desire for a third child that nobody else wanted being a selfish desire.

It was different for me though, because I was the only one who wanted another baby. If you're both in agreement I'd say do it.

pukkamum

penguin83 wrote: »

I have just had my third after years of us talking about it (my children are 10, 8 and 8 weeks to give you an idea of how long we thought about it!) We moved into our 3 bed house a month before my second was born and in my head we would buy a 4 bed a few years later and have our third. Obviously things don't quite go to plan and we are still in the same house. The problem we now have is we have left it so long I think there will be too big an age gap for the boys to share.

The baby has slotted right in to our family and it is like he has always been here. He will stay with us in our room for a couple of years and then we will figure out the space issue. We have the option of extending downstairs and making a downstairs bedroom, extending into the loft with a dormer type room or moving.

I am just using the theory that it will all work itself out! xx

Could the elder 2 share, the 2 youngest share in ours 7 &2 and it's fine, infact my friends girl is asking to share with her sister and they have rooms each!
When I was at home we 3 girls shared the sharing ifyswim and even though there is 10yrs between the youngest and eldest they got on fine.

penguin83

pukkamum wrote: »

Could the elder 2 share, the 2 youngest share in ours 7 &2 and it's fine, infact my friends girl is asking to share with her sister and they have rooms each!
When I was at home we 3 girls shared the sharing ifyswim and even though there is 10yrs between the youngest and eldest they got on fine.

The older two are girl (10) and boy (8) - the boys are number 2 and 3 if that makes sense. They actually shared for years even when they had their own bedrooms as they preferred it!

I was worried about putting the boys together as when DS1 is 13, DS2 will be 5 and I was thinking there would come times when the baby needed to be in bed and the older one might have friends round. I could get round that though by taking the dining table out of the small second living area and putting a couch and TV in there - the older boy could then just use the bedroom to pretty much sleep in.

It will all work out I am sure and then I will convince myself there is plenty of space for number 4! xx

notanewuser

Watch a few episodes of "The Middle". You should never have so many kids that they outnumber the parents.