Are some mothers really so stupid?

Mojisola

tesuhoha wrote: »

She had to take her 6 year old son out of primary school because of physical and verbal abuse. Once he gets another school place he will have to go back a year because of all the schooling he has missed.

Going off topic now but there's absolutely no reason why he shouldn't be keeping up with his education while he's not in school.

At that age, there are so many resources available from workbooks to computer sites that even an uneducated parent can make sure their child keeps up with their peer group.

Buick

fabforty wrote: »

Not really a question, as I know that most are not, but the mother on the bus today definitely was. I was on a bus heading through central London today, when a mother boarded with a baby in a pram (probably no more than 3 months old) and two small children (roughly aged about 2 and 4). She parked the pram in the buggy space and as people vacated their seats so that she could sit down she said, 'oh it's ok, we are going upstairs, they always want to sit up top'. She then proceeded to go up to the top deck with her two older children leaving the baby asleep in the pram. Passengers stopped her, saying that she couldn't just leave the baby downstairs and her response was to sigh loudly, roll her eyes and say 'for God's sake, nobody's going to walk off with him are they?' Okay so the chances of it happening are probably slim, but why on earth would any parent take the risk? She got such an ear bashing that she stomped off the bus in a huff, but probably then just left him on a different bus. Stupid woman.

I haven't read the whole thread, but yes, some people are remarkably care-free and laid-back! There are countries and places where you can just park a pram and leave it, but central London isn't one of them!

We had a woman here a year or two ago who was on the beach with her 5 month-old baby. It was a scorching hot summer day and she just left him in the sun all day. The poor little thing ended up in hospital with severe sunburn :mad: People around her kept telling her to get the baby out of the sun, they could see he was burnt, but she just said oh it's ok and carried on with her sunbathing. In the end the Police got called. Some parents can be so thick and negligent.

dizziblonde

With the wheeling babies around in those blooming plastic fish tank cots thing someone mentioned... still in practice in the post-natal ward I was on back in March (and hell would be unleashed if you didn't trundle your fish tank around to go for a piddle). Pain in the backside when the cot is hooked up to two sets of phototherapy lights so you have to either untangle all of them to go pick up your nice inedible hospital food, pray a visitor's there to watch the baby or go without (with the food in question - the more humane course of action).

As for the bus thing - the other two buggies on the bus with me yesterday both tipped at various points in the journey (and weren't overladen with bags from the handles either) from the way they've downsized our buggy spaces so you can only fit strollers in one way, and mine was trying to spin around slightly (it's a three wheeler so tends to do this somewhat) - I don't get terrified of child abduction - but the buggies tipping is a real issue and the major reason I wouldn't be taking the risk.

PinkLipgloss

My son was born in Madrid and (thankfully!) Spanish hospitals allow fathers to stay in the room 24 hours. I was therefore lucky to avoid issues with going to the toilet/canteen etc. However, there was a spacious toilet in my room so it wouldn't have been a big deal anyways.

Having taken my son on the bus on numerous occasions I can concur that prams/buggies tipping over is a REAL issue. Sudden breaking, sharp corners etc all contribute to stability problems. Over and above that I don't feel it's appropriate to leave a baby (or even a young child) in a public place unattended.

I know a lot of people will argue that the chance of a problem occurring is small (I agree with this with regards to abduction, but not with regards to the buggy/pram toppling over) I think the key question we have to ask ourselves is with regards to any risk - "Is it worth it?"

Is it worth taking a risk that your baby could possibly be injured (or various other scenarios) so that your older children can ride on the top deck of a bus? IMO - absolutely not.

Mothers are naturally role models and, as a role model, she should model responsible behaviour (ie not leaving the baby) explain her actions to the other children and have them learn that it's not always possible to get what you want - a valuable life lesson!

Janepig

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

You said you were struggling to think of more than one or two cases, I can easily think of more than that.

I know where you are coming from in respect that the abducter/murderer etc is usually known to the victim etc, I agree, this is true. However, I repeat my question, I still wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my child unattended or with asking some stranger to look after it while I went upstairs etc....would you?

It might 'rarely be the case', but on the odd occasion it can be, and I just couldn't live with myself. I don't think "Well he/she looked like a lovely person and I thought I could trust them" would wash, do you?

You're doing better than me then because I genuinely can't think of more than a handful.

But no I wouldn't leave my child downstairs on the bus while I went upstairs, particularly not in London, maybe in this locality it would be less of a "stranger danger" issue, but I would be more concerned about the risk of the buggy tipping or something like that.

Jx

pukkamum

Wowzers, I never once said or implied the mother was correct in leaving the baby downstairs on the bus, I was making the point that if she was going to do I would've offered to keep an eye on said pram and being doing so perhaps it would have made her think twice.
I think perhaps had someone said I'll watch the pram for tipping, baby crying etc she would have been shamed into not doing it, her response could have been no it's fine I'll stay here, i hadnt thought of that, and perhaps she genuinely hadnt, instead she was made to look like an awful person in front of the whole bus and got off probably upset and angry and more likely to do it again.
My discussion was about how the situation could have been better dealt with, maybe with kindness and advice rather than anger and vilification.

duchy

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

It may remain unsolved, but the fact remains, she was abducted after being left unattended by her parents.

Until she is found -that is NOT a certainty

barbarawright

Re the OP, prams take second place to wheelchairs on London buses. It's not uncommon for a parent to have to move the pram or even fold it up to make room for someone in a wheelchair. That could certainly have been awkward the mother had needed to come back downstairs.

Paddles

pukkamum wrote: »

So you seriously think that leaving the baby downstairs sleeping in a pram whilst she is upstairs, means she should not have kids?
Jeez I have seen much worse irresponsibility from supposedly very good parents.
Shame on not one person saying as I would have, I'll keep an eye on the pram for you, or will let you know if baby cries.
We are so quick to condemn yet not so quick to offer help, perhaps the other kids had been mithering all day to sit upstairs and she had had enough.

I agree pukkamum, I don't think it's sensible to leave the baby downstairs, but someone could have offered to help and I don't think it makes her the worst mother in the world.

I used to live in a small town in the middle of nowhere that was like going back in time, people did leave babies outside shops - this was less than ten years ago - and so I tried it too. I have to say I was happy and confident my baby was safe, but being a new mum and absolutely tired by time I got out of the shop I'd completely forgotten I had the baby with me and was in another shop before I remembered... I never did that again - although strangely my mum did exactly the same with me when I was a baby, although she actually went all the way home

fabforty

pukkamum wrote: »

Wowzers, I never once said or implied the mother was correct in leaving the baby downstairs on the bus, I was making the point that if she was going to do I would've offered to keep an eye on said pram and being doing so perhaps it would have made her think twice.
I think perhaps had someone said I'll watch the pram for tipping, baby crying etc she would have been shamed into not doing it, her response could have been no it's fine I'll stay here, i hadnt thought of that, and perhaps she genuinely hadnt, instead she was made to look like an awful person in front of the whole bus and got off probably upset and angry and more likely to do it again.
My discussion was about how the situation could have been better dealt with, maybe with kindness and advice rather than anger and vilification.

The anger and vilification came after she responded quite rudely to well intentioned advice. As she went upstairs, a few passengers advised against it - politely from what I could hear - something along the lines of 'I wouldn't do that, anything could happen'. I guess she felt as you said in an earlier post that it was none of their business, and went off on one. I find it quite interesting that you refer to my 'I'm alright Jack' attitude as being what's wrong with the world today but then say that what she chose to do with her child was nobody else's business. The passengers that spoke to her initially could have taken the view that if her child is injured it was nothing to do with them, and left her to get on with it. People did try to help by giving her their seats and pointing out that leaving the baby downstairs wasn't a good idea.

And I'm sorry but the image of the poor victimised harassed mother who had no choice but to sit upstairs and leave her baby unattended, with no help from fellow passengers' sounds great but actually wasn't what I saw.