Stressed

pukkamum

P.s my dh was the same with all 3 of my pregnancies, he left me to make the decisions, again, he says as he trusts me to make the right ones, but I have learnt to tell him when I need his input, not expect him to know.

marisco_2

Are you beginning to question why you are in this relationship? If not why not? I mean that seriously. You cannot carry on like this. The constant pressure you are under has been affecting your health. This is especially bad seeing as you are in the early stages of pregnancy.

Your partner should really be stepping up to the mark right now, instead he appears to be behaving like a child himself and leaving everything to you. Is he really so lacking in substance that he cant help you practically and emotionally. Why does he seem to not want this baby or have any involvement with it?

In all honesty for your own sake, I think you need to have a very frank and open discussion with him, and address these issues before you move in with him. I wouldn't be taking that step with anyone who treated me so badly and with such contempt as you are experiencing.

pukkamum

marisco wrote: »

Are you beginning to question why you are in this relationship? If not why not? I mean that seriously. You cannot carry on like this. The constant pressure you are under has been affecting your health. This is especially bad seeing as you are in the early stages of pregnancy.

Your partner should really be stepping up to the mark right now, instead he appears to be behaving like a child himself and leaving everything to you. Is he really so lacking in substance that he cant help you practically and emotionally. Why does he seem to not want this baby or have any involvement with it?

In all honesty for your own sake, I think you need to have a very frank and open discussion with him, and address these issues before you move in with him. I wouldn't be taking that step with anyone who treated me so badly and with such contempt as you are experiencing.

Hmmmm I think this a bit harsh, I'm not sure that he's treating her with comtempt, I think perhaps he doesn't realise there is a problem.
She needs to talk to him calmly and give him the chance to help.
In all likelihood he thinks she is coping as she has coped so well in the past.

butterflylady

I have tried to tell him how I feel, he makes all the right noises but then carries on as before.

He did suggest I go and see a counsellor to talk about things with an independent person. I dont see that I need this plus it's very expensive!!

His attitude is that you can't change things so why stress. Tho he will get stressed over something's.

A typical example is the heating where we live now broke down, he stayed in bed I rang the plumber and came home early from work to let him in. His ex's heating stopped working he rushed round to try and fix it!!!

I think he's still getting over the shock of the baby, problem is he's told me how supportive he was when his ex was pregnant and I do compare with what I get!!! :-(

marisco_2

butterflylady wrote: »

I just feel everything is done to me, out of the left over money we have to get a new car, buy furniture, have a bedroom plastered re decorated. Oh and save some for my maternity leave !!!

I've tried to explain how I feel but he doesn't seem bothered!!

I've tried to order furniture, he'll like but with no input it's difficult!!

butterflylady wrote: »

I feel like everything is down to me, every decision, I feel like all pressure is on my to get everything right and if it goes wrong it'll all be my fault!!

Even decisions about the baby he just shrugs his shoulders and says you decide. We both have children from previous relationships so its not like its new to him!! Just his son was planned and this baby feels unwanted as he seems to have so little involvement with it!!!

I wasn't being harsh. I was saying things as I see them going on these disclosures from the OP about her relationship. She doesn't have to agree with me, she can take from this thread what she feels applies.

Can you honestly say that when her partner is treating her like this he is showing her that he loves and cares for her and wants to be supportive? We all have different ideas of how a relationship should be, but in my opinion the OPs is seriously lacking and I said so.

LannieDuck

butterflylady wrote: »

A typical example is the heating where we live now broke down, he stayed in bed I rang the plumber and came home early from work to let him in.

So your husband was in the house, but you still had to leave work early to go home and let the plumber in? :eek:

butterflylady

Marisco - I don't think ur being harsh, I think I'm struggling to match what I was told with what's actually happening. Now if I was still with my ex I wld have been over the moon with the support I'm getting!!! Lol

Lannieduck - sorry I wasn't clear, he stayed in bed while I struggled to get my children ready for childminders, me ready for work, while contacting the plumber and following his instructions at 7 in the morning in the cold!!

LannieDuck

butterflylady wrote: »

Lannieduck - sorry I wasn't clear, he stayed in bed while I struggled to get my children ready for childminders, me ready for work, while contacting the plumber and following his instructions at 7 in the morning in the cold!!

And you said that was 'typical'?

Tell me again what his good points are?

Mojisola

butterflylady wrote: »

I feel like everything is down to me, every decision, I feel like all pressure is on my to get everything right and if it goes wrong it'll all be my fault!!

I wouldn't accept that behaviour - if OH couldn't be bothered to share in the decision making, he wouldn't get to complain about my choices!

butterflylady

Like I said I think he just sees me as Miss Independent who can deal with everything!!

I've had to learn how to ask for help, tho when I do I think he still secretly thinks I can cope!!

In terms of things going wrong, I'll feel it's my fault, I don't think he would say anything!! I just wanted it to be a joint decision.