Stressed

butterflylady

I don't really no where to start but I don't have anyone to talk to in real life, they all think my life is 'exciting' at the minute, while all I see is pressure.

Today is the last full day in my own home, tomorrow I complete on a new house with my partner. We've been together just over a year and living together since the beginning of the year.

I've wanted/needed to sell since I spilt with my ex so it was logical to buy together, due to circumstances my partner isn't putting anything financially into the new house, don't worry my deposit is protected!!

I just feel everything is done to me, out of the left over money we have to get a new car, buy furniture, have a bedroom plastered re decorated. Oh and save some for my maternity leave !!!

Yep I'm 14 weeks pregnant too, with a stressful pregnancy which means I keep bleeding!! And before anyone says anything baby wasn't planned I was on the pill and it took me 2 years to fall pregnant naturally with my DD, the issues are with me so a real miracle!!

I had maybe selfishly hoped my partners family might help financially, with getting things for the house after all he told me many a time that they helped his older brother with a few k when he got his first house. But nothing has been offered I understand that they helped my partner when he was married so its all perfectly fair, it just feels like a lot of responsibility on me!!

As his hasn't got his divorce through yet everything has to go in my name and the extra money has to go into my single account. Just in case!! I've tried to explain how I feel but he doesn't seem bothered!!

I've tried to order furniture, he'll like but with no input it's difficult!!

I have no idea where to go now or what to do, well actually I do I should be dressed and at the tip and then packing but I'm not!!

fluffnutter

Your post is a bit chaotic, but are you saying that you resent the lack of financial input from your partner?

butterflylady

Sorry, once I started it all just came out!!

I feel like everything is down to me, every decision, I feel like all pressure is on my to get everything right and if it goes wrong it'll all be my fault!!

Even decisions about the baby he just shrugs his shoulders and says you decide. We both have children from previous relationships so its not like its new to him!! Just his son was planned and this baby feels unwanted as he seems to have so little involvement with it!!!

alleycat`

It's very possible he doesn't understand a lot of your concern.
You have pretty much everything in your name, he has virtually nothing.

In some ways he might see the risk as his and not yours.
Likewise his parents might not wish to put money into something that isn't, in some sense, "his".

I'm not trying to dismiss how this is stressful to you as, after divorce, moving is probably the most stressful thing you'll do in life.

Third is probably pregnancy so you've gone for the lot in one bite.

O and if i'm anything to go by, he probably doesn't really have an opinion on furniture.

My level of thought on it is something along the lines of, will it last, is it comfy and that's about as far as it goes.

O and not too many cushions that i can't get on the sofa.

paulineb_2

butterflylady wrote: »

Sorry, once I started it all just came out!!

I feel like everything is down to me, every decision, I feel like all pressure is on my to get everything right and if it goes wrong it'll all be my fault!!

Even decisions about the baby he just shrugs his shoulders and says you decide. We both have children from previous relationships so its not like its new to him!! Just his son was planned and this baby feels unwanted as he seems to have so little involvement with it!!!

Any positives in your relationship?

butterflylady

To clarify the house will be in joint names it just the deposit is protected by a deed of trust while his divorce goes through.

I think both him and his parents view me as independant, I was the single parent who bought my ex out of the house, worked and supported myself.

Furniture wise I've tried to get the best I can for the budget available, no sofas unfortunately the one thing I really wanted but I can't get the budget to stretch that far!!

butterflylady

Positive - he's an amazing dad, very good with my kids.

Makes me laugh, can be very supportive.

Pixiechic

I'm not surprised that you are feeling stressed! Moving house is one of the most stressful things to do, being pregnant on top of that and shouldering all the financial burden must weigh heavy on you.

Does your OH try to support you in any other way? It isn't selfish to expect or hope that your OH would contribute something financially but as he seems unable at the present time to do that, does he help in any other way? Is he helping you today?

It's the last day in your old house and a move to a new beginning, new home, baby, finances. Maybe it's all a little daunting right now. Once all this move bit is over and you are settled in your new home, you can look forward to your new little arrival

LannieDuck

You're 'buying a house together', but he's not contributing anything financially? How is he contributing? Are both your names on the deeds?

If I were the only one putting money into a property, it would be my house, not our house.

(Obv it would be different if we were married, or he was a SAHD etc, which is why I ask in what way he's contributing?)

Edit: Never mind - you've answered my questions while I was typing!

fluffnutter

butterflylady wrote: »

Sorry, once I started it all just came out!!

I feel like everything is down to me, every decision, I feel like all pressure is on my to get everything right and if it goes wrong it'll all be my fault!!

Even decisions about the baby he just shrugs his shoulders and says you decide. We both have children from previous relationships so its not like its new to him!! Just his son was planned and this baby feels unwanted as he seems to have so little involvement with it!!!

I think you might have very different personality types. Is he the type to sit back and let life unfold? Doesn't get stressed about much, easy going, spontaneous, doesn't seem the point in planning stuff?

If so, then perhaps you're up against someone who simply does things differently to you. It's not ideal of course, and it would be useful if he tried to meet you halfway, particularly as pregnancy is such a stressful time. But ultimately... you might not be able to change him. Just his personality innit.

pukkamum

My dh is a bit like yours, he likes to leave most decisions to me, mainly, he says because he trusts my opinion and ultimately I will get what I want.
Whilst this works, I too sometimes find the responsibility overwhelming, especially when it comes to finances, at this point I ask for help!
Admittedly this can be in the form of a mini meltdown when I lose it and accuse dh of not caring but he will make the point that I hadn't told him I needed help.
Talk to your oh and let him know you need help.