Elderly parents and mobile phones - getting them to use or at least call

Humphrey10

On topic:
I've found a very simple solution - I've unplugged my house phone.
I put my mobile on silent so people can't wake me up in the night.
If people eg grandparents are worried about the cost of calling a mobile I am always happy to call them back if they ring me, to avoid it costing too much.

Every office I've worked in has been happy for people to receive personal calls during office hours (within reason - I doubt anywhere would be happy for you to be on the phone for hours gossiping about Eastenders every day!). I really don't know how you could convince your parents of that though.

KxMx

Step-families can be a minefield that's for sure. Especially as in my case one side has rose tinted glasses on and one is realistic. Being in different countries makes those issues easier though!

However I have no qualms about my dad being happy with his wife (as I said to my Nana- his mum- "she makes him happy so that means I am happy") but yes over the years there have been some problems.

Arthien

I've been wondering, would calling your dad a couple of times a week during work hours help? (whether from your mobile or your work phone line). It wouldnt necessarily have to be a long term thing, but it might help him to realise that you can take/make phone calls during work hours if he needs you to.

Other than that, I'd definitely go with the speed-dial option, but I would certainly be concerned if his anxiety is a new issue, and if it seems to be getting worse.

travelgran

I'm posting this from a campsite in Eastern Europe (which is meant to indicate I'm not a technophobe) - but when it comes to mobile phones I have to say that although I use one it's certainly not kept on all the time. The reason - I don't want to be carrying a tag. I don't want to be immediately accessible wherever I am, receiving messages in totally inappropriate places.
On holidays I switch it on once a day in the evening so can pick up a family text if necessary. No-one else has the number. I use a tablet every 2 or 3 days to update and again pick up messages or see what's going on. . At home the mobile lives in the car.
But that's my choice. The family haven't suggested they find it a problem!

Maz

On your home phone, put call divert to your mobile and don't tell him! So, whenever he phones, you can always pick up in or out of work hours.

Itsgottabedone

If the original subject hasn't disappeared entirely ... I agree with those who say that the perceived cost of calling a mobile is a deterrent for some older people.

I have an arrangement with my mother whereby she calls my mobile each morning and after a couple of rings she hangs up. No cost to her; I see she's still alive and we go about our business.

Could you adapt this system for your father, OP? If he wants to talk to you he should call your mobile for a couple of rings, then you can call him back when convenient to you?

tayforth

So! Back on topic at last

OP - my elderly relatives are the same, I sympathise. No advice to offer that hasn't already been given, but I hope that you and your dad find a solution to this problem.

Savvy_Sue

Arthien wrote: »

I've been wondering, would calling your dad a couple of times a week during work hours help? (whether from your mobile or your work phone line). It wouldnt necessarily have to be a long term thing, but it might help him to realise that you can take/make phone calls during work hours if he needs you to.

That sounds like a plan - just in the short term, especially while the OP's wife is unwell, might work quite well.

Might also overcome any "is anything wrong?" responses if that's the way he goes initially when you ring at the 'wrong' time of day ...

My neighbour's son rang me during the day last week, and that was my first thought, that something had happened to his mum! Actually, it's my first thought when ANY of my DSs ring me, because they don't usually do it at all ...

Arthien wrote: »

Other than that, I'd definitely go with the speed-dial option, but I would certainly be concerned if his anxiety is a new issue, and if it seems to be getting worse.

Yup, agree with this.

Robisere

I have a little to contribute here, from more than one point of view.

I am a step-granddad, married my lady (second relationship, best move ever made) when her son & daughter were teenagers. The amazing result was that we all got on so well and became a family almost immediately. 25 years later, I have 4 wonderful grandchildren, I don't call their parents or the children "Step"- anything anymore and have not done since my lovely daughter took me to one side and told me, "Dad there are no steps between us - we are only a hug away."

We have had words, what family does not, we are a bunch of strong personalities, but usually it is my level-headed wife who pulls us together, and we have learned to apologise and "Group Hug" when it gets dangerous. For my eldest G son, I am the only male figure he has been able to relate to, dad went walkabout years ago. They range in years from 19, 16, 14 and 7 and I get a kiss and hug from them all, meeting and leaving. So I do not understand the problems that "step-families" can experience, there is nothing that can be said that cannot be cured with enough love and some give, some take.

Before I met my wife, I had lost my original family due to a marriage breakup which also lost me everything I had and I began again in my early 30's. I lived with my parents, who were 40 when I was born, and i watched my dad and mum go downhill. First dad with cancer, then mum with heart attacks which finally killed her, but between dad and mum dying I met my lady and the two people who became my son and daughter. During that time, I was working, doing all the shopping, cleaning, washing, ironing and running their finances. I had many struggles with their failing faculties, sometimes I thought it would drive me mad. When dad grew so ill, I bathed and dressed him and I sat with him at night until the last night he passed away. The year before that, he had tried to "Grill some eggs" by cracking them over the grill pan, on top of the wire basket. I cleaned it all up. Prior to that, mum had put a heavy wool bedspread in the washer and blocked the filter, then opened it. The kitchen and half that floor, was flooded. Mum also had a habit of leaving her face cloth in the sink with water running, "To rinse it out" That was another flood. They are only two examples, I always cleaned them up. I had two brothers, both much older. The eldest died of cancer a few months before dad. The middle brother did not lift a finger but criticised my own efforts.

Years later, I can look back and wonder how I got through with my sanity intact and you may think that I resented my parents during that time, but you would be a long way from the truth. I loved them you see, and I knew that someday I would perhaps be an older person confused about the changing world around me. Because that is what always happens: the world changes and the oldest amongst us do not always change with it. They cling to a past that was more familiar and safer and try to take refuge in memories, whilst resisting anything that might affect that. I am 68, but I have learned to build and use computers. I am also being taught more about them by my grandchildren, especially by my 19 year old who is a network engineer. But not everyone has those advantages, how much of your dad will your children see?

So please, try to understand that your dad might be in that past world without all the modern stuff you want him to understand. I would also like you to consider that you are his son: is there something in his genetic make up that you might inherit? Might you someday be a frightened, lonely old man, afraid to look the world in the eye then? I wonder too, if perhaps your dad might have the onset of Alzheimer's?

He's your dad. Please do not do anything today that you might regret when he is gone.

CH27

What a lovely post Robisere.