Why do couples who have been together years split up?

Acc72

I was watching one of those house / relocation programmes the other week.

It involved a couple who were both in their 60's and after being married for over 40 years decided to get divorced - I just thought, how did that happen ?

Lovelyjoolz

Moreover, I've always wondered why couples who have been together donkeys years suddenly decide to get married and then split up before the ink on the marriage certificate is barely dry??

Perhaps they decide to get married to "fix" a relationship that has begun to run into difficulties? I don't know, but it vexes me because I see it happen so often.

Me and OH have been together 10 years this year, not married, very happy and I'm begining to think we've got the right idea!!

pulliptears

When I met OH my DS was 8 months old, there had never been 'just us'. Now DS has left home, DD is nearly 16 and we have time and money to socialise together and enjoy each others company, something we didn't have when we met.

Fortunately for us this is a stage in our lives we are loving, we are both young enough to do what we want to do and have fun together, but I can see how couples get to this stage and suddenly realise they have little in common with each other.

pinkshoes

I think it all comes down to how hard you BOTH work at your relationship. It's too easy to take each other for granted, particularly when you've been together for so long.

Infidelity is a difficult one to get over, although if BOTH had been working hard at the relationship, then perhaps it wouldn't have happened...?

Financial incompatibility is another biggie for relationship breakups, but again, hard work and trust...

I guess it just depends what is more important to you - working hard at the relationship you've got, or moving on to something more exciting.

heartbreak_star

Sometimes the relationship isn't really a relationship anymore. I didn't want to kiss, cuddle or sleep with my ex by the end. I enjoyed his company, but as friends - and I do appreciate what a nice guy he is, I just wasn't attracted to him anymore, and I suspect he wasn't to me either.

Would you be satisfied with that? I wasn't. I couldn't deal with no sex and no affection.

HBS x

marisco_2

There is an infinate number of reasons why people split up. Sometimes a third party can be involved, other times couples grow apart and decide they want different things from life. One or both of them may just not wish to work at the relationship any more and try to rekindle what originally brought them together.

In every relationship that a person has with others; their family, siblings, partner, children, work colleagues etc effort is required to keep things positive and strong. I think really good communication is a key element to succesful relationships. Wanting to talk to each other; whether that be to take an interest in one another, discuss important issues such as finances, work, the children, plans, ambitions, supporting through difficult times or working through problems. A wilingness to listen and compromise is also vital.

Alot of people get bogged down in the day to day routines and responsibilities of life. If they can also make quality time for one another and just enjoy being in each others company and having fun, I think that goes a hell of a long way to keeping their relationship fresh and happy. Valueing each other and not taking each other for granted is important too.

If those things are missing from a couples relationship, it can put a damaging strain on them and could be part of the reason why they eventually decide to split up.

Hardup_Hester

I was married for 25 years, then my ex decided he needed to try wifeswapping, I didn't want to he insisted. We split up.

fluffymuffy

Acc72 wrote: »

I was watching one of those house / relocation programmes the other week.

It involved a couple who were both in their 60's and after being married for over 40 years decided to get divorced - I just thought, how did that happen ?

I think I had an insight into this a few years ago when a relative died. He was a bully and his wife had endured nearly 50 years of being the little woman. If he hadn't had died I think she was just starting to wake up to a possible new life without him. I wonder if that accounts for some of these cases - the woman realising that it's possible to be happier alone, especially in the generation who married in the 1950s because that's what you did.

Maureen43

Hezzawithkids wrote: »

You can never know what goes on behind closed doors.

I second that

troubleinparadise

An empty nest can show up how little you have in common any longer once the mutual task of child rearing has gone, and it ends up just being the two of you, day in, day out....

Having individual and mutual interests can fill that gap, but sometimes it just is that you can't find any mutual enjoyment together any longer. Don't get complacent - a marriage or long-term relationship takes as much effort as in the early days!