How much should grown up children contribute to household

Treevo

lovecake wrote: »

He's not a child though is he?...he's a grown man earning £1200 per month!

And the OP said she doesn't want to make a profit from him. Which should be respected.

pops5588

I think he should at least be paying £100 a month. That's what I have paid my mum since I came back from uni and it sounds like I earn about the same as him. This barely even covers the increase in council tax but my mum won't take anymore because, like you, she doesn't want to make a profit off me. She also knew that when it came to me moving on and getting my own place, she can't afford to help me out. Her way of helping me was by charging me minimal rent so I could save quicker. And now I am set to complete on a house in August! I hugely value that she didn't ask for more from me. I would cook a few meals a week and buy her a cheeky bottle of wine every so often, but that's it.

What concerns me a bit is that your son doesn't seem to feel any kind of guilt at the situation! He won't realise how easy he has had it until it's not there anymore, and it doesn't sound like that would be a bad thing.

Hope it goes ok.

Edit: That being said if he is showing no signs of budging or saving then I think you should ask for whatever it is that you need to be financially ok.

bouncydog1

As an adult he should pay half of the bills for running the household, plus a contribution to food costs. You are now a pensioner with a grown up relative who should be paying their way!

I have a relative who still has gown up children in their 50's living with her and she is still subsidising them due to the low contribution they make to the household! And no comments on that point please as I have made them myself for several years!

You need to be frank with your son and point out that you cannot subsidise him and if he feels that he cannot contribute then you will have to take a lodger to make ends meet.

When DD works in the holidays when back from Uni, we do not charge her any board, but she saves all she earns to help with her additional Uni costs the following term - we don't want her to work whilst at Uni to ensure she can manage her workload so to us this is a sensible compromise.

Catherine_:]

I pay £200 a month, I'm 21 and earn around £850 a month

[Deleted User]

My sister (aged 20) lives in my house and I don't charge her rent because she spends very little time here (works 2 jobs, attends college part time, stays with her boyfriend sometimes) and her money goes into savings along with covering her expenses, including food that she buys for herself (and cooks herself).

As she is being sensible (saving money, progressing at work, attending college) and costs me very little (probably £100 a month max) I see no reason to charge her rent because I don't need the money and she isn't wasting it. If she was just working a dead end job with no attempt to progress and wasted all her money I would charge her rent.

I paid my parents £30 per week from my JSA after I had left education until I got a job moved out (about 8 months later).

**professor~yaffle** wrote: »

£1200 won't get you far in the private renting sector

Depends on where they live. If they're in the north then he could easily have his own "my first flat" type place for ~£450/m which is only just over a third of his salary, which is about the maximum of what someone should spend. Not an ideal situation, but entirely workable.

**professor~yaffle** wrote: »

I did know somebody at work who lived with his parents. He was in his early 30s. I don't know all the ins and outs of their arrangements but I remember him saying that by living at home he'd managed to save up quite a bit of money and that he wanted to buy a house or flat.

I suppose that's where my reasoning comes in that it's better not to charge your children rent, if it's not necessary. God knows it's hard enough for the present generation to get onto the property ladder as it is. They need all the help they can get.

I think it depends on a lot of different things.

If their child is living with their parents to save money and has a goal they're working towards (buying somewhere) it seems reasonable for their parents to be more soft on them (eg: let them only pay actual costs incurred on food etc, small amount of rent) however for the OP her son is not doing anything responsible, he's taking his free housing as permission to spend every single penny he earns and doesn't understand that it's a valuable benefit.

A parent should support their child, they shouldn't enable them. The OP is enabling her son to be extremely financially irresponsible, whereas she should be supporting him into adulthood. If part of supporting him means charging no rent (so he can save) so be it but if it's charging no rent so he can spend more money on shoes and alcohol... that's not good.

happy35

in your circumstances I think your son should be paying a reasonable amount to you, my sons friend is in a similar position and he pays £20 a week towards bills and also buys his own food, toiletries and clothes. He will sometimes get a meal made for him but this isnt expected its more a case of we have plenty its there if you want it.

My son earns £180 a week on a Apprenticeship and pays me £20 a week, I know this isnt much but he is running a car and does save every week. I am fortunate that I am in a position that he can do this but if I wasn't I would have no hesitation in asking for more

patchwork_cat

As Professor Yaffle has said I don't agree with charging rent, but do agree with charging for bills and food ie board. I would take £300 off him and save some, he needs to learn to budget. As a parent you should be used to make unpopular decision for the greater good, you are a parent for life not just 18 years and it is time for another unpopular decision.

£900 a month on entertainment, clothes, car and holidays for one person is a fortune!

**professor~yaffle**

citricsquid wrote: »

Depends on where they live. If they're in the north then he could easily have his own "my first flat" type place for ~£450/m which is only just over a third of his salary, which is about the maximum of what someone should spend. Not an ideal situation, but entirely workable.

True, but that £450 a month could be going towards saving for a house or flat instead of lining the pocket of a landlord. But as you say, the OP's son is frittering the money away and not saving it, so it is about time he started to think about taking some responsibility.

Takeaway_Addict

miss_kc wrote: »

Hi thanks all for the helpful replies. I guess I am trying to get my son to take some responsibility and I do need him to pay something towards his keep. He didn't go to uni although he had my support to go, studied but didn't finish anything. He has been working full time for over 2 years now and takes home around 1200 per mth. I pay all of the bills, buy food toiletries etc and do all of the household chores. He doesn't even buy lunch he takes it from home. He doesn't save but spends every penny on going out and clothes often running out of money a week or two before payday. I will read again what you have all suggested and try and reach a compromise with him so thanks again all x

£400 is more than reasonable. If he were to house share he would get a grotty room for what £250 a month, plus the cost of all food, washing, bills, etc etc etc

£350 as a set amount would make him feel he's won slightly and is set in stone then for you.

He should do it as a standing order the day or two after payday

paulineb_2

How much adult children should pay is between them and the parents involved.

However, if someone is struggling financially and paying for everything while the adult lives a relatively luxurious existence, something is wrong.

How much someone would pay in rent varys from area to area. In the area I live in you can rent a 1 bedroom flat for £300 sometimes less, its not always the case that £250 would only get you a grotty room.

But if the mum is struggling to feed him and pay for the cost of his bills, he should at the very least be paying for his own food and a share of everything else he uses, on £1200 a month he can afford it.

And if he doesnt, perhaps it is time to gently suggest that he should be looking to rent something elsewhere.