How much should grown up children contribute to household

lovecake

I agree he should be paying something to make him realise that things in the 'real world' do not come for free - he will get a shock when he moves out otherwise. When I lived at home and was working full time I paid £250 a month and I earned between £800-900 a month. I thought this was totally reasonable and never argued it. I thought my friends that were paying less than me were 'spoilt rotten'! Lol! I even managed to save for a holiday abroad with my friends and paid off my £1900 overdraft in just over a year. I have been in my own home for 7 years now and to this day I am the best with my money out of the majority of my friends - they are always asking me for money advice - and I thank my Mum and Dad for that.

But, if he is reluctant, then do as others have suggested. Get your bills out: Gas, electric, phone, broadband, TV licence and any SKY or cable package, contents insurance, add up your food/toiletries shopping over the course of a month and then divide it by members of the household. If it's you, your partner and your son show him how much a third of all this would cost and I bet he will get a shock and be happy to pay you what you are asking! Let us know how you get on!

Edit: sorry just re-read that you are a single parent so I would show him what half would cost - not a third. I'm not saying you should charge him half, but he should know what he is costing to the household and will probably make him realise that what you are proposing he pays is totally reasonable. He is a grown man after all and at 22 and in full time work there is no reason why he should not be contributing to the household (housework, doing the shopping etc. as well as financially!)

paddy's_mum

miss_kc wrote: »

Hi thanks all for the helpful replies. I guess I am trying to get my son to take some responsibility and I do need him to pay something towards his keep. He didn't go to uni although he had my support to go, studied but didn't finish anything. He has been working full time for over 2 years now and takes home around 1200 per mth. I pay all of the bills, buy food toiletries etc and do all of the household chores. He doesn't even buy lunch he takes it from home. He doesn't save but spends every penny on going out and clothes often running out of money a week or two before payday. I will read again what you have all suggested and try and reach a compromise with him so thanks again all x

There should be no "try" about it! He is freeloading in grand style, and you are helping/encouraging him to do so. He isn't even grateful, is he? When did he last bring you an unasked-for cuppa or run the hoover round the place while you were out shopping or mow the lawn to save you having to do it?

It is way past time that you put your foot down and insisted that he show himself to be a man, one who pays his own way instead of being a parasite off his own mother.

If he throws a strop or forces a monumental row, then it simply reinforces that you have raised a spoilt brat, one who needs to be made to grow up and be fair minded.

If he threatens to leave, take him up on it - he will very quickly discover the real facts of life and want to come back.

Take in a lodger in his place - you'll have a fair share of things paid for and someone who will at least appreciate all that you do and provide.

If you do nothing and continue to be his downtrodden host, you will teach him nothing but further selfishness. A future daughter-in-law is going to love you for his bloodsucking ways ...

I know that confrontation can be difficult and I know that you don't want to hurt a beloved child but he is very wrong indeed to expect you to keep on sacrificing for his benefit. Small children need that but not hulking great wage earning men! Good luck.

**professor~yaffle**

Treevo wrote: »

Work out what he costs you and then it should be that.

I don't generally agree with charging children rent, but if you really need the money this ^^ seems to be about the best option.

Bennifred

paddy's_mum wrote: »

There should be no "try" about it! He is freeloading in grand style, and you are helping/encouraging him to do so. He isn't even grateful, is he? When did he last bring you an unasked-for cuppa or run the hoover round the place while you were out shopping or mow the lawn to save you having to do it?

It is way past time that you put your foot down and insisted that he show himself to be a man, one who pays his own way instead of being a parasite off his own mother.

If he throws a strop or forces a monumental row, then it simply reinforces that you have raised a spoilt brat, one who needs to be made to grow up and be fair minded.

If he threatens to leave, take him up on it - he will very quickly discover the real facts of life and want to come back.

Take in a lodger in his place - you'll have a fair share of things paid for and someone who will at least appreciate all that you do and provide.

If you do nothing and continue to be his downtrodden host, you will teach him nothing but further selfishness. A future daughter-in-law is going to love you for his bloodsucking ways ...

I know that confrontation can be difficult and I know that you don't want to hurt a beloved child but he is very wrong indeed to expect you to keep on sacrificing for his benefit. Small children need that but not hulking great wage earning men! Good luck.

Well said!

lovecake

**professor~yaffle** wrote: »

I don't generally agree with charging children rent, but if you really need the money this ^^ seems to be about the best option.

He's not a child though is he?...he's a grown man earning £1200 per month!

axxxl

I've been paying £25 per week since I was 18 (I'm 20). However this was bearing in mind that when I started my job (apprenticeship) I was on £2.50/hr and I am currently on £4.98/hr. I'm hoping this changes when I finish my NVQ though!

I probably spend 4/7 days at home and I buy my own food, toiletries etc. I can't remember the last time my parents funded clothes or anything unessential and I also pay the cost of the internet each month.

Mojisola

miss_kc wrote: »

He has been working full time for over 2 years now and takes home around 1200 per mth.

I pay all of the bills, buy food toiletries etc and do all of the household chores. He doesn't even buy lunch he takes it from home.

He doesn't save but spends every penny on going out and clothes often running out of money a week or two before payday.

If any of mine had been so thoughtless and disrespectful to me, they would have had their marching orders. He needs a spell living independently to understand how he's been using you.

**professor~yaffle**

lovecake wrote: »

He's not a child though is he?...he's a grown man earning £1200 per month!

£1200 won't get you far in the private renting sector, but I agree it sounds like he needs to start thinking about his future and saving money instead of spending every last penny. Unless he wants to live with his mum for the rest of his life!!

I did know somebody at work who lived with his parents. He was in his early 30s. I don't know all the ins and outs of their arrangements but I remember him saying that by living at home he'd managed to save up quite a bit of money and that he wanted to buy a house or flat.

I suppose that's where my reasoning comes in that it's better not to charge your children rent, if it's not necessary. God knows it's hard enough for the present generation to get onto the property ladder as it is. They need all the help they can get.

Mojisola

miss_kc wrote: »

I have just taken early retirement, my income reduced and I am a single parent.

**professor~yaffle** wrote: »

£1200 won't get you far in the private renting sector, but I agree it sounds like he needs to start thinking about his future and saving money instead of spending every last penny. Unless he wants to live with his mum for the rest of his life!!

miss kc's son isn't living with her, he's living off her!

I'd be really embarrassed to be spending all my income on me every month and letting my Mum buy my food and do all my washing and cleaning.

I had a short spell of unemployment and my parents were kind enough not to take any money from me so that I could save my money prior to moving to a new area. In return, I did all the work in the house so that they didn't have anything to do when they came back from work.

**professor~yaffle**

Mojisola wrote: »

miss kc's son isn't living with her, he's living off her!

I'd be really embarrassed to be spending all my income on me every month and letting my Mum buy my food and do all my washing and cleaning.

Yes, it does sound like he needs to grow up a bit! A lot of young men are like this now, living off their girlfriend or in this case their mum. But it might be at least partly down to upbringing. I wouldn't mind hazarding a guess that if it were a daughter, not a son, her washing and cleaning wouldn't get done for her.