What would you do

valk_scot

You don't have to give consent if you're out cold and it's an emergency, or you can give consent ahead of time or, if you're out cold and your husband/legal partner/next of kin is standing there then yes they will get them to sign. If you're not officially anything legal they'll just proceed if it's an emergency, they're not going to let you and the baby die because your mum can't be contacted!

Bella73

I think it depends if you want the wedding or to be married. I know that might sound weird but some people are so focused on the wedding they forget about the marriage and lots of couples that have the baby first forever keep putting off the wedding as they can't afford it.

If you want to be married then personally I would go a bit cheaper but that's me but if the huge wedding is the only way for you then you might find 10 years down the line you still haven't done it as there will always be something else to pay for, including perhaps further children then your money will be even more stretched.

Good luck with what you decide.

CH27

The marriage is the important bit not the wedding.

I'd go for option A and be able to have a nest egg ready for maternity leave & possibly going part time.

Primrose

Perhaps an equally important question is to ask what your OH wants to do.

Janepig

janninew wrote: »

My husband had to agree and sign to say I could have an emergency c-section with the usual risks involved, he also had to agree that our baby be admitted to the neo-natal and receive a blood transfusion. I'm not sure what would happen if you weren't married, surely your parents are then your next of kin?

I think the issue in the case I mentioned wasn't what happened to the mother, it was that although the father travelled to the other hospital with the baby, he wasn't allowed to consent to her treatment, despite the fact that he was her father. Obviously once named on the birth certificate he would have PR but this was straight after the birth. As a parent I would have found that distressing and I don't think that people realise such a situation can arise.

Jx

stiltwalker

Lots of good advice on here already. Basically I'd say do what feels best for you. My hubby and I did the kids before the wedding thing as when we first got together I was still married (in name not deed) to my ex. We decided that due to our ages we'd rather get started trying for a baby sooner rather than later (and fell surprisingly quickly) after that we decided to wait until after number 2 to get married mainly as I didn't want to be pregnant at our wedding (so as to enjoy he champers! lol) and I didn't want it to be to soon after so I had chance to lose the baby love handles!

He came with me to register both births and is on the certificates and has full parental rights and we had a beautiful (and MSE cheap) wedding when DS was 18 months and DD was 3 1/2. That is what suited us - do what suits you an enjoy whatever it its. Congratulations on what is obviously a welcome if unexpected pregnancy and I hop all goes well for you. X

claire16c

Id go for C.

If you are dreaming of a certain way you want your wedding, then keep going for that, but scale it down a bit- and be prepared to wait for it but for not years on end.

So it might not be 10k you spend, but perhaps your 4k already saved plus 2-3k, and then maybe do it in a years time or something.

I know someone who did the cheap registry office thing - arranged in around 2 months, because someone else told them a similar thing about fathers rights and this was a few years back - which I hardly thought was a romantic reason to marry the person you love by assuming theyre about to run off with your child! Anyway for about 2/3 years after all we heard was that they were planning on saving up for a big white wedding- so clearly they must not have been happy with their wedding and wanted to do it again. Needless to say as they have kids now and other stuff going on they've never been able to do it. And frankly it would now be pretty weird if they did do it!

So I would not go for option A myself but I wouldn't necessarily wait for years on end if its going to take you a long time to save up the full amount you're thinking of so Id go somewhere in the middle.

Goldiegirl

I wouldn't be getting married because the midwife told me to.

I also wouldn't have a big dream wedding because I think they are a waste of money.

I'd have a small wedding at a time that suited me and the OH, and then spend some of the dream wedding money on a good holiday.

lippy1923

Thanks for the replies!

I have spoken to OH about it and he is just as clueless as I am. TBF the midwife didn't really offend us with her comment, it just gave us something to think about. So have all your lovely replies

I think I will sit down with OH and write up a pros/cons list of doing either and hopefully we can come to a joint decision. Of course you are all right, at the end of the day the most important part is being married, not the day. If he has the same rights as a father, being married or not then it doesn't make much difference when it happens.

Thanks again for your comments. Will let you know what we decide.

kbl

hi, just a quick suggestion, I work in a hotel, and they've just started to sell weddings on groupon (not suggesting our hotel, we're in Ireland !) perhaps this option is available and suitable for you? the way it works is the hotel sells off the less popular dates, you're limited to the number of guests (usually 80) and it's a set menu, but it's still a brilliant event. I checked it out myself, just to be nosy, (have been married 20 odd years now) and a lot of hotels (all types, the hotel I work in is 4 star) in Ireland are doing it and the average saving seems to be 30 to 40%. It could be a way of getting your dream wedding at a reasonable cost? As for the midwife, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt, she shouldn't have said it, but she probably had your best interests at heart (even if she should have kept her nose out). anyway, good luck with whatever you decide, and congratulations on the new addition to the family