What would you do

janninew

Janepig wrote: »

I know someone this happened to. Mother had a c section, baby was very ill and had to be taken immediately to a hospital 50 miles away with father, who was unable to give consent for baby's treatment as he and the mother were unmarried. This was about two years ago. Obviously the chances of that happening are slim but personally I wouldn't be having a baby with someone I wouln't be prepared to marry anyway so I would go for the cheap wedding ASAP.

Jx

My husband had to agree and sign to say I could have an emergency c-section with the usual risks involved, he also had to agree that our baby be admitted to the neo-natal and receive a blood transfusion. I'm not sure what would happen if you weren't married, surely your parents are then your next of kin?

Person_one

janninew wrote: »

My husband had to agree and sign to say I could have an emergency c-section with the usual risks involved, he also had to agree that our baby be admitted to the neo-natal and receive a blood transfusion. I'm not sure what would happen if you weren't married, surely your parents are then your next of kin?

I'm sure she wouldn't be left without treatment in an emergency, people are treated all the time without the docs even knowing their name, let alone their next of kin, so there's no need to worry about that, I wouldn't have thought.

sali84

lippy1923 wrote: »

Would you go with option

A- Have a cheap wedding, throwing all your current plans down the loo.

B- Forget about the cheap idea and continue saving for dream wedding, meaning you will not be married in time for the birth and knowing it will likely take a hell of a lot more time saving than original 2 year plan, due to baby costs, reduced pay (mat leave) and other bigger priorities.

C- Other?????

WWUD?

Option C! You'll only have one wedding, so have the wedding you want not the one you feel forced into. If it takes a little longer to get there it won't feel any less special!

I'm in a similar situation, my OH and I are planning to get married in September next year, and I'm 16 weeks pregnant with our first. We had planned for the pregnancy, but rather than put the wedding off we've just scaled it down a bit instead. It's still the wedding we want, but our priorities have changed since we got engaged.

Dark_Star

Hmmm....a wedding is just one day in your life. You could plan the most stunning affair & it could hail frogs & then your expensive day is ruined.

Your baby is for the rest of your life...along with somewhere to live & food on the table. That wedding budget would go a long way to all of that.

Cheap but fun & nice wedding - with a few close friends & family & use the rest of the money for the baby & family days out/ holidays when it arrives. Now - a cheapo week in the sun because you could afford to get junior a passport/seat on a plane etc or just one day when you're feeding a whole bunch of people that will probably come & see you once the baby is here anyway .....

A friend got married when pregnant & had the most gorgeous deep purple velvet dress (hired evening gown). She looked amazing, it didn't cost a fortune & everyone had fun.

Get married mid week - cheaper

mrcow

I would tell the midwife to stick with what she knows and keep her opinions on marriage to herself.

It's none of her business.

Don't get married unless it's what you both want. What she's said is complete tripe.

Can you get yourself another midwife?

anderson8

I'd opt for A.
Then you can all have the same surname from when bubs is born.
I also agree that you can have a 10k wedding for 5k. If its last minute venues will be falling over themselves to fill spaces.

Pee

Very much with the "It's up to you and what do you feel is most important?" and if you think that getting married before the baby is born is the right way for you, sod the midwife, then go for it. Cheap and quick might not mean ruining all your plans. On the other hand waiting a couple of years, especially if you have a daughter who gets to be bridesmaid, and having what you really want is also a perfectly reasonable option.

You may find that after the baby is born your views on finances change.

Alpha58

Easy one. The answer is what you and your partner want to do for yourselves. If that is a huge wedding, then do it. If it's a quiet civil ceremony, do that. There is no "right" or "wrong" and I suspect that you know what you want to do but perhaps want some validation?

Follow your heart - you can't go wrong!

sweaty_betty

janninew wrote: »

I wonder what would happen if you weren't married and your partner had complications in pregnancy and during the delivery, who would be next of kin and get to make any medical decisions? I only wonder as I had a complicated delivery and my husband had to give medical consent as I was unable. I wonder if this is what the midwife was getting at?

I named my OH as my next of kin on my pregnancy notes and that was that. So many people aren't married before having a baby these days that they must be used to dealing with it.

The midwife is 10 years out of date. As long as your OH goes with you to register the birth and his name is on the certificate, he has no fewer parental rights than if you were married. Really she shouldn't be giving such inaccurate advice.

We had two "weddings" - one quick cheap registry office do with just our parents, then another 6 months later which was more of a party (although some guests didn't figure out that it wasn't the real deal, I never thought to mention it). Neither of us wanted to change our names, so we could've been married for years (or still not married) and no-one would know. When it comes down to it, the only people it's got anything to do with is you and your OH.

peachyprice

janninew wrote: »

My husband had to agree and sign to say I could have an emergency c-section with the usual risks involved, he also had to agree that our baby be admitted to the neo-natal and receive a blood transfusion. I'm not sure what would happen if you weren't married, surely your parents are then your next of kin?

My husband wasn't even there when I had my emergency c-section, they'd sent him home to sleep as nothing was going to happen until the next day supposedly. I still got my section and my babies were still admitted to SCBU, they were still ressuced, they still got blood. It didn't all grind to a halt because my husband wasn't there to give consent.