What would you do

pesky85

I don't think your midwife gave very good advice TBH!!

I got married in the space between having my two children, it really doesn't make much difference.

Your partner won't lose any rights if he in on the birth certificate. Why - are you planning on leaving him and taking the child?!

janninew

I would also go for option A. I'm quite a traditional person and I would want to be married before I had a baby (but that's just me!)

Me and my husband went to Gretna Green, took nobody with us and told nobody what we were doing - was the perfect day. All in all cost about £600.00 including the hiring of the building, registrar fees and new clothes.

Do what makes you happy, some people want the big fairy tale day, others (like me) hate to be the centre of attention!

Congratulations!

9ja4life

Cheapie wedding - option A

A wedding is a wedding to me no matter how small, big or classy it is.

Like others have said, it depends on what is most important to you.

Congrats on the baby!

marisco_2

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP.

Clearly the thought of having a cheap wedding does not appeal to you, going by the way you refer to that option. To be honest right now I would focus on the baby and the changes to your lives that its arrival will inevitably bring. One step at a time and all that. To my mind having a baby is the ultimate commitment a couple can make to each other. Far bigger than getting married.

I would advise settling into parenthood with your partner and enjoying all the wonderful moments that brings. See where you are at financially in a few months, and be prepared to accept that the wedding you would most like to have, may need to be postponed for longer than you had originally planned.

I am rather surprised that your midwife was so openly expressive of her views on you getting married. Most keep a professional distance from the mums to be in their care and dont feel the need to comment on something so private between a couple.

oldtractor

I wouldnt get married just coz the midwife says too. I would get married because we , as a couple, want too. Not keen on "dream weddings" TBH. Just have a small intimate wedding with a few friends when you both feel ready. Save the money for something more important like childs education.

mandi

"Your midwife strongly suggested getting hitched before the birth."

For a start I would remind the midwife that it's 2013 not 1913 .:(

sulkisu

I would definitely do A.

If a big expensive wedding is really important to you, then fair enough but with a baby on the way I can think of better ways to spend that much money - buying baby things, rainy day fund, university fees, funding time off work, nursery fees, deposit for his/her first home for example.
But this is a money saving site, so of course I am going to say that. I have three under three and they are expensive little things!

Congratulations on the pregnancy x

PS - If you tell us what your dream wedding consists of, posters may have tips on getting it cheaper .

tayforth

What the midwife thinks is not important.

But a big flashy wedding isn't important either.

What is important now is your child.

If it were me, whether I got married before the birth, after the birth or never, I would forget about the 'big do' (it is only one day) and save that money for my child.

Weddings don't have to cost a lot, and I agree with those who say that the cheapest weddings can be the nicest!

Good luck xx

embob74

I'm quite shocked that your MW thinks it is appropriate to say you need to get married :eek:
As PP's have stated the fathers parental rights come into effect as soon as he is named on the birth certificate (he would need to be present).
Marriage doesn't really affect whether the father is financially responsible for the baby but it will affect how he is responsible to you should you ever split up. In a worst case scenario can you envisage that you would ever need to claim spousal maintenance? If it's a remote possibility then it makes sense to be married.

It appears that you were planning a very lavish wedding (add the word "wedding" to anything and the cost trebles!!). Would you be willing to downscale/ compromise on the things you wanted for your special day? Although it's a challenge it can be quite fun trying to stick to a low budget and do things as cheaply as possible. Cheap doesn't have to mean tacky either.

Babies are like weddings - they can be as expensive as you want them to be ..... but they don't have to cost much at all.
You will of course have to factor in reduced pay on maternity leave and childcare costs thereafter but millions of people manage to do so and still save.

I have planned a wedding to OH twice now and twice we have had to postpone as life takes over. I hope we manage to do it one day but life does take over and there always seems something better to spend our money on rather than one day of pretty photos.
I know of other couples who chose to have a very basic wedding with the intention of having a big day in the future. The reality is that 15 years later they are still no closer to getting that big day.

Only you can decide what you would prefer and what would give you less regrets.
Congratulations on your exciting new path in life :T

Person_one

mandi wrote: »

"Your midwife strongly suggested getting hitched before the birth."

For a start I would remind the midwife that it's 2013 not 1913 .:(

Well, before 2003 she'd have had a point, I think that's when the law changed.