BAUK Diary Challenge for 2 year DFD

blackangeluk

Just got my bannister to do - blimey, listen to me!! I sound, well, like a housewife!!

Well done :T :T

BAUK, any chance of chucking a home made chocolate hob nob my way

Some coming your way via the internet highway! I am using them to bribe my bosses into saying that I can work from home for 2 weeks when DH is away - honestly I will do all my work even if I am sat in front of computer and TV.............................:rolleyes:

blackangeluk

My efficient fly lady continues and so far DD isn't bored of her part in it.

Feeling quite annoyed (polite word!) with DH. We set a budget this month, promised to stick to it. We have £60 weekly spends for us all - yesterday he spent £109 on a golf club (!!!!!!:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: !!!!!!!), an extra £15 on taking DD to play golf and then treats for them at the Co-Op. !!!!!!!!!!

We had £60 in the spends jar which he just took and spent "because he wanted to". He had extra in his pay slip this month as he was owed holidays, but this was to cover our holiday spending month. Have repeatedly pointed this out to him but he just seems to see it as "available". I desperately wanted to spend as little as possible this week as we have suncream etc to get for the hols and he has blown that.

The last few weeks have really made me re-assess whether I am truely to blame for all this debt. The debt was really accrued jointly but I hid the extent from DH. Now I think back, whenever he had wild spending sprees I was afraid to tell him we couldn't afford it and there the vicious circle began. I tell him now we can't afford it and he seems to spend it anyway and calls me a nag.

I am not berating him as he is a lovely man and some weeks he can spend nothing, but he just doesn't seem to have grasped this whole DFW thing. He has 3 days holidays this week and associates that with going out spending money. He is on his way to town and wants to meet me for lunch, I suggested he took the kids on a picnic and bike ride rather than expense of coming here but he has said no.

Now I am wound up that I have had 50p in my purse all week and made it last and he has spent nearly £120 in a day which is our two weeks money gone. He has about £200 expenses coming from work and I think he has spent these in his head on the golf stuff before they are here, but in my head they would pay off a CC - so now that £200 will have to be used to finance his spending spree and get us back on track.

He is also insisting that he wants to play golf tonight when I had planned a run, and he has suggested we get a babysitter. Rather than waste £5 I will probably not go for my run.

Rant over......................thanks

hypno06

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

(think that just about sums it up)

Followed by:coffee: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :coffee:

blackangeluk

My thoughts exactly Hypno! Quite frankly the last thing I want to do now is meet him for lunch and be chirpy for the kids. Ideally I would like to take him to the golf course and see how far he would fly with a kick up the !!!! from his shiny new golf club!

pania

Oh sweetie i'm so sorry to hear your having trouble with DH, maybe not so D right now, shall we just call him H?!
I know the feeling of trying so so so hard but the other person can't quite grasp it, but with the "because i wanted to" attitude it's denying the whole family some very important items such as the sun cream. (lloyds pharmacy BOGOF btw)
Would the weekly spends be better off in an account that only you have a card to? and just keep say a tenner in the house for emergencies? at least wouldn't leave you up the creek without a paddle as it were.

I do understand the annoyance and sometimes the nearest brick wall seems a very good head whacking post. if you need to vent or rant just let me know, maybe gmail will work next time! big big hugs for now. xx

chocaholic110

Hi, I'm a regular reader but irregular poster, but just wanted to say that you seem to be much calmer than I would be - I would have been tempted to have taken his new golf club and beaten him over the head with it!

Sadly people have to come to their own lightbulb moments themselves and it is possible that you just explaining the situation won't help - it will be heard as nagging (a bloke at my work claims he hears any request at all as nagging, no matter how nicely put - glad I'm not married to him!!)

Having said that I can imagine how annoying it is when you are struggling by and he does something like that. it annoys me when my Mum and her partner (who are always broke and can't pay their bills) go out for meals and to the pub at weekends "because they deserve it and have been working all week".

Here's hoping that his lightbulb comes soon - have you sat down with him and showed him all the figures?

Oh and ... :grouphug:

blackangeluk

Thank you, it is nice to know I am not alone. I feel so frustrated I guess because he has made me feel pretty pants about our level of debt and seems to distance his responsibility away from it.

It seems to be that the more I say don't spend, the more he feels he can to prove a point. I have just had a conversation in which he has told me (again!) how much money he has earned this month and surely we are not on the breadline and can afford to treat ourselves. Yes, he has earned a lot more but only as it was holiday money owed and he is forgetting we have a two week holiday abroad to consider.

I now feel guilty like I am depriving him but I am also so bloody angry with him. We sat on Sunday night and both said how good it was we were trying so hard - :rolleyes:

The only positive I can draw is that he starts his new job on Monday and is away for 2 weeks; all food and petrol is paid for by work so I can have 2 weeks without him spending any extra and our food bill will be reduced.

Maybe that's the answer, send him away :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

If I don't laugh I'll cry

Seaxwyn

Oh blackangel you have my utter heartfelt sympathy

There are lots of us on here who have OHs who don't get it and sabotage our dfw efforts in one way or another.

It's maddening isn't it. I think Hypno put it best: :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

blackangeluk

Well I am back from my lunch with DH! Feel a bit better now and a little bit bad for slagging him off. He turned up very proud of the fact that he had remembered to bring the family railcard with him but didn't in fact have to pay as no one was there for him to buy a ticket.

He also produced two clean, washed children and..............a homemade picnic:o which we ate in the nice park whilst the kids played and we drank (from home) sparkly wine

Had yet another chat during which I showed him the spending diary and the money [strike]we[/strike] he had spent this week - gave him a little shock. He then trundled off on his way to take the kids to the free museum.

So yes he seems sorry and he made a very big DFW effort to spend no money today and entertain the kids, so I feel a bit better. We also had to get DS some new jeans as he desperately needed some and bought some in the sale for less than half price and they fit him and they are nice :j

So I feel he has redeemed himself, made me feel sad when he said he was sorry I felt let down by him . I just feel frustrated and I guess this is all part of the whole process of wanting to be debt free, no one said it would be easy and if it was then it would not make me so adverse to credit cards!

So happier post, and even better, as the sun is shining my boss has told us to go home and enjoy it :j So I'm going to meet DH and kids at the museum and enjoy myself.

:hello:

OliveOyl_2

Well that's a nice cheery optimistic post. :T

I've baulked at posting on this thread, and Pania's at the mo, because (confession time here) I WAS that unhelpful OH. I had my LBM in December, before that my poor OH dealt with all the aggro whilst I cheered myself up with another purchase, or indulged the children etc etc. He never complained (he thought it was his responsibility) and I carried on spending regardless.

Now he tolerates my bullying to get our debt down faster. And this week he has been jollying me along when I'm getting disheartened at slow progress. Yes he's a saint :rotfl:

Hope your OH's flickering LB stays on. Hope you enjoy(ed) your afternoon off.