Can a father sue child for return of maintenance money?

CH27

Leakrgn wrote: »

Right, well this will be the last time I come on this forum and these boards, I feel I have taken enough of an emotional beating for a while.

Just for the record I came on here with this issue mainly because I had been told that this was a good place to come if you wanted advice on such matters. To find out where you stand from a financial/legal etc stand point. I did not realise I had to give very single event from my childhoold to justify the decisions that we have made along the way.

I know all you are looking at is a computer screen but I am still a young woman who has had a very difficult time. I did not come on here to go into great detail about my past, I came on to try and find some legal reassurance for my sister incase he resorts to his usual tactics of threatening us with legal proceedings.

For the record my father always has been and always will be a bully in the worst sense of the word. He has done things that I hope most people would never even dream of doing to their own children/family. My mother fought very hard to make sure that he could not just make us homeless and walk away from his financial responsibilities, even if he found it easy to walk away from his emotional ones. So forgive me if I encouraged my sister to hang on to the one thing my mother managed to get from him. If we have offended you with our choices then I can only apologise.

To those who have remained impartial or given advice despite your own personal views on the situation, thank you very much. I appreciate it.

Wishing you all well.

Him behaving badly doesn't not give you all the right to do behave badly.

Treevo

Leakrgn wrote: »

Right, well this will be the last time I come on this forum and these boards, I feel I have taken enough of an emotional beating for a while.

Just for the record I came on here with this issue mainly because I had been told that this was a good place to come if you wanted advice on such matters. To find out where you stand from a financial/legal etc stand point. I did not realise I had to give very single event from my childhoold to justify the decisions that we have made along the way.

I know all you are looking at is a computer screen but I am still a young woman who has had a very difficult time. I did not come on here to go into great detail about my past, I came on to try and find some legal reassurance for my sister incase he resorts to his usual tactics of threatening us with legal proceedings.

For the record my father always has been and always will be a bully in the worst sense of the word. He has done things that I hope most people would never even dream of doing to their own children/family. My mother fought very hard to make sure that he could not just make us homeless and walk away from his financial responsibilities, even if he found it easy to walk away from his emotional ones. So forgive me if I encouraged my sister to hang on to the one thing my mother managed to get from him. If we have offended you with our choices then I can only apologise.

To those who have remained impartial or given advice despite your own personal views on the situation, thank you very much. I appreciate it.

Wishing you all well.

I think the problem you're having is that a man as bad as you say wouldn't have sent his daughter several thousands of pounds (your words) when he didn't have to.

Leakrgn

Treevo wrote: »

You seem to be ignoring the fact that he did stop the maintenance when his daughter quit university as per the order.

He then started giving her money again because she told him that she needed it (though the OP admits that this was a lie) on the condition that she return to university. She didn't return and then she cut off all contact with him, while still taking his money. It's only now that he's trying to discover if he's been conned by his own daughter that the family are worried.

It's clear that they (the mother and daughters) knew they were stealing as they give repeated justifications as to why they fraudulently took this money.

Right. Enough of this nonsense. She DID need the money when she initially went back to him and asked for the maintenance to start again. She later moved to a different place and got a better job and was no longer in desperate need of the money, and when they stopped talking she expected the money to stop. It didn't.

I will not be accused any longer by people who don't know us of stealing, fraud and of conning. He knew she wasn't at university and paid anyway. Regardless, this was now TWO years ago. You are focusing PURELY on the background information and not on the current situation. I would suggest that if you have nothing new or constructive to add then maybe it would be better for you to invest your time and energy into helping someone else, as there is clearly nothing for you to contribute here.

I wanted to bow out gracefully but you cannot go around labeling people as thieves and con-artists. It is unpleasant and unnecessary.

NOW i'm finished.

Treevo

Leakrgn wrote: »

Right. Enough of this nonsense. She DID need the money when she initially went back to him and asked for the maintenance to start again. She later moved to a different place and got a better job and was no longer in desperate need of the money, and when they stopped talking she expected the money to stop. It didn't.

I will not be accused any longer by people who don't know us of stealing, fraud and of conning. He knew she wasn't at university and paid anyway. Regardless, this was now TWO years ago. You are focusing PURELY on the background information and not on the current situation. I would suggest that if you have nothing new or constructive to add then maybe it would be better for you to invest your time and energy into helping someone else, as there is clearly nothing for you to contribute here.

I wanted to bow out gracefully but you cannot go around labeling people as thieves and con-artists. It is unpleasant and unnecessary.

NOW i'm finished.

You first said your sister needed the money, then you later said that she didn't need the money but now you're saying once again that she needed the money.

You can't be annoyed because you have provided different information whenever a post you don't like has happened.

Ames

You don't know much about controlling and bullying behaviour, do you? If £700 isn't much to him (which the OP said is the case due to his high income) then carrying on giving it can be a power trip, especially with the knowledge that he can use it further on to cause problems and guilt trip his daughters.

He KNEW that she wasn't in education, yet he kept on paying. And now it's time to start toying with his daughters again, by holding his 'gift' over them.

I've seen it in my own family, and on here, that 'gifts' of money within families come with more strings attached than a maypole.

Using money as a means of control and abuse is well recognised by DV organisations.

I also think it's quite sad that people are saying that a young woman stole from her father by accepting money that he gave freely. If she'd lied about being at uni then I could understand it, but she didn't.

Leakrgn

Treevo wrote: »

I think the problem you're having is that a man as bad as you say wouldn't have sent his daughter several thousands of pounds (your words) when he didn't have to.

But that's the problem isn't it, you don't know the situation or the circumstances in how that conversation happened, you don't know how it played out. You have made assumptions and have attached some pretty derogatory terms to me and my family without knowing more than the basics.

He did not want to pay the money, and he could have just said no. Instead he and his wife went to try to go back to court to change the order so he didn't have to give us anything. The judge essentially laughed at him and told him that if he took the issue back to court it could also go against him in that the maintenance payments he made to my mother never went up with inflation and that he should be prepared for that outcome also. Then his wife completely undermined his case by posting all sorts of vile rubbish on a social networking site outlining their intentions to take everything away from us once again and my father realised it was easier for him to just pay than to go back to court with a file of evidence against him that his wife made public.

He had two choices (his own choices, we never said we would go back to court) and he chose the cheaper option. For himself. Not for us.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I wonder if I can reclaim pocket money from my two girls because they're not doing exactly what I hoped they'd do when they got older?

Obviously, no.


I do think it should be acknowledged that providing money doesn't confer a good character. Savile made millions for charity. Part of his way of having power and invulnerability. A millionaire can be a rapist, can batter their partner or abuse their children just as easily as someone on the dole.

A court case would be a way of forcing contact when it's been cut off. Just as his decision to ignore the original order and pay the offspring instead of the mother is a way of controlling the situation.



If I had given the money myself, I would be hurt and angry if I felt I had been lied to, but that doesn't appear to be the case here. He knew.

NAR

Leakrgn wrote: »

He did not want to pay the money, and he could have just said no. Instead he and his wife went to try to go back to court to change the order so he didn't have to give us anything. The judge essentially laughed at him and told him that if he took the issue back to court it could also go against him in that the maintenance payments he made to my mother never went up with inflation and that he should be prepared for that outcome also.

So now I am baffled. :undecided With the knowledge above why did you feel the need to start this thread at all? :doh:

Leakrgn

NAR wrote: »

So now I am baffled. :undecided With the knowledge above why did you feel the need to start this thread at all? :doh:

This was two years ago. My main issue was his habit of threatening us (the children) with legal action and wondering whether he was able to launch a case against my sister when the original agreement wasn't between them etc. etc. etc.

This has already been answered by a previous poster. Unfortunately all posts since then appear to have been about my character as a person and me trying to defend myself against labels like "thief" and con-artist. Which, to be honest, I no longer have the energy or the will to do.

NAR

Ok and I think you have been given proper advice, by those answering your questions.

Unfortunately Leakrgn some posters on MSE will look at threads, and posts, very selectively and comment accordingly.

So either ask the Moderators to lock the thread or just ignore any further unpleasant comments.