Can a father sue child for return of maintenance money?

globetraveller

Ames wrote: »

Again, I'm not saying it was right to keep it, just that it's understandable and not as black and white as a lot of people seem to see it.

Agree its not all black and white on either side

duchy

I don't think you can have it all ways

Child maintainance stops at 18 - if your father continued to support your sister after the age of 18 then he didn't have to legally.

If they made an agreement that he would continue to support her through university and he knowing she was not continuing through education still paid her an allowance then it was a gift.

However morally I fail to see how you can "Cut all contact" with someone but continue to accept their money.

Still on the bright side as your sister has all this spare money that she doesn't need but continues to accept-she can afford a solicitor to confirm her legal position which may be quite a firm area even if her moral stance isn't.

pigpen

Ames wrote: »

I'm not replying to you personally but to the point in bold, which has been made by quite a few posters.

Can't you understand the temptation to get something out of a father that treated you badly? To have some kind of compensation? Especially when your sister had the same? If she hasn't had the kind of things people take for granted from a father - love, support, respect etc - then that only leaves money. I'm sure the OP and her sister would prefer to have had a dad, rather than a sperm donor and some cash!

Again, I'm not saying it was right to keep it, just that it's understandable and not as black and white as a lot of people seem to see it.

No, I can't.

My father is a waste of carbon and water.

He is a controlling nasty bully amongst other things inc. child !!!!!! on his pc. I have nothing to do with him and he has supervised contact with the children 3 or 4 times a year.

I don't want him or his stuff or his money or anything else.

There are thousands of children whose fathers (and mothers too) have treated them appallingly, hurt, abused, neglected, dumped yet they don't feel they need something in return for everything they lost.

podperson

Ames wrote: »

I'm not replying to you personally but to the point in bold, which has been made by quite a few posters.

Can't you understand the temptation to get something out of a father that treated you badly? To have some kind of compensation? Especially when your sister had the same? If she hasn't had the kind of things people take for granted from a father - love, support, respect etc - then that only leaves money. I'm sure the OP and her sister would prefer to have had a dad, rather than a sperm donor and some cash!

Again, I'm not saying it was right to keep it, just that it's understandable and not as black and white as a lot of people seem to see it.

To be honest I suppose it is a very personal thing so no I can't really. I have had some very toxic people in my life (though thankfully no one as close as a parent) and I have had to make the difficult decision to cut them out completely. I would never then want anything from them - to me it would make me feel obligated to them. It would give them a link to my life and a hold over me that I would find completely unacceptable. As I said though that's purely personal opinion.

OP, I think it's very difficult for anyone to give you cut and dried legal advice as it's a very grey area. It could be argued that as per the original agreement the payments should have stopped when your sister had decided that she was no longer going back to education.
It could be argued on the other side that because your father had already changed the boundaries of that original agreement it may no longer stand.
He could state that because he had no contact with your sister he would have no way of knowing whether she had returned to uni or not - in opposition you two could state that he was in fact aware of it and therefore has no reason to cite that as a reason to stop/claim back payments.
I'm imagining there would be little 'paperwork' to back up many of these points so if it did go to court it would probably boil down to who the judge believed on the day. However, it doesn't sound like he has actually mentioned court so perhaps you are being a little premature?

FBaby

Can't you understand the temptation to get something out of a father that treated you badly? To have some kind of compensation? Especially when your sister had the same?

The temptation is easy to understand, the actually doing it much less. What should she have felt deserving of compensation? Her father financially supported her all her youth allowing her to enjoy things she most likely wouldn't have been able to otherwise. The fact she considered he was a bad father doesn't justify financial compensation.

I expect that this father threat to take the OP's sister to court is a reaction to feeling used. Indeed, that's what he was, used for his money. He probably won't take it further, but he might do other things like cutting her off his will possibly.

Person_one

Ames wrote: »

I'm not replying to you personally but to the point in bold, which has been made by quite a few posters.

Can't you understand the temptation to get something out of a father that treated you badly? To have some kind of compensation? Especially when your sister had the same? If she hasn't had the kind of things people take for granted from a father - love, support, respect etc - then that only leaves money. I'm sure the OP and her sister would prefer to have had a dad, rather than a sperm donor and some cash!

Again, I'm not saying it was right to keep it, just that it's understandable and not as black and white as a lot of people seem to see it.

I was about to post something similar. I can completely understand it.

I have a wonderful dad, he'd do anything for me, but I've known some people who have been treated so awfully by parents that I wouldn't begrudge them anything positive they could take from the situation. Call it compensation, call it revenge, call it reparation, its not always immoral in my eyes.

Other people don't have to see it or do it that way, but its a legitimate way to see and do it.

System

If he knew she wasn't at uni and continued paying it's as much his fault as it is hers for taking it tbh.

unschooler

Your sister has done nothing wrong. He knew she wasn't going to university and continued to give her the money. She took it, as she has a right to do. That's it. He can't go asking for it back, that's ridiculous.

Bullies play these games. I would tell sister to contact a solicitor to write a letter pointing that out to him and asking him not to contact her again, otherwise it will be seen as harassment.

Dunroamin

Ames wrote: »

I'm not replying to you personally but to the point in bold, which has been made by quite a few posters.

Can't you understand the temptation to get something out of a father that treated you badly? To have some kind of compensation? Especially when your sister had the same? If she hasn't had the kind of things people take for granted from a father - love, support, respect etc - then that only leaves money. I'm sure the OP and her sister would prefer to have had a dad, rather than a sperm donor and some cash!

Again, I'm not saying it was right to keep it, just that it's understandable and not as black and white as a lot of people seem to see it.

I can't agree. Why would anyone take money from someone who had treated them badly? It sounds like more of the compensation culture we seem to have everywhere these days.

kezzygirl

Leakrgn wrote: »

Apologies, I clearly got it wrong. He earns well above £100,000 a year so top 2% was incorrect?

I maybe should have stated that my sister was in a position where she did not need the money from him and fully expected it to stop. My father was the one who continued to pay. Maybe my mother and I were to blame, as we suggested she should keep it after everything she had been put through during the divorce/custody battle.

Essentially the reason why we cut him out of our lives was because serious allegations of abuse came to light from a family member but eventually were not taken forward through intimidation tactics on his behalf. So whatever your opinion on the money side of things (which I appreciate) unfortunately my respect is something that he will never have. I find him to be quite an abhorrent individual.

Ultimately, he has lived with and supported his wife's children for 10 years which I believe to have come to a considerable amount more than the £350 a month that we received.

Aside from that, he does not finance my life. I do.

So, did she actually TELL him to stop paying her?or just continue to accept his money regardless of the fact he was cut out of her life?bit of a cheek if you ask me.....