Can a father sue child for return of maintenance money?

Leakrgn

DUTR wrote: »

At least you considered the viewpoints, yes I agree you should have handled the financial side of things differently.
Nobody has said to patch up with your father, the 'better' person would hand the money back or better yet, not accepted it in the 1st place, everybody is different though and has various levels of moral.

I don't believe myself to be an immoral person because I accepted a judgement that was made by a court when I was 12-years-old to help me through university. Support that I would have had if my parents had stayed together.

Robisere

This is an incredibly sad situation for you and your sister and I feel for you both, having lived with an abusive father who has been such a bad parent that you have both turned away from him.

However, to answer your original question, he can indeed sue if he decides to follow up on that threat. The way that a court might be persuaded to look upon such a case, is that the payments to your sister were made to finance further education. If your sister was taking the payments for support during that period of further education, but chose instead to take a job, the reasons are irrelevant. She took the money but no longer needed it for the purpose it was given. That can be construed as fraud, under the letter of the law.

However, it may be time to look at ways to make your own threats in defense. Gather all provable facts and information that you can: are you able, for instance, to provide evidence of abuse or other parenting issues? Do you have reliable witnesses who will support these factors? You could use any such information to support a story to the media. I am sure that, if your father were to learn that you intend to take such a step, his "position" and any effect that such publicity might have upon him, might change his mind.

These are only suggestions you understand, but they come from someone who lived with an abusive parent (mother in my case) who drove me to leave home at 7, again at 13 and finally break free forever at 16. I know the hell that imposes upon a young person and that is the reason for my sympathy at the start of this reply.

I wish you both a great deal of luck, you and your sister have probably grown up well before the end of your childhood. Just remember, it is an old but true saying - What does not kill you, really does make you stronger.

EDIT: Please ignore some of the unthinking replies you have received from people who do not seem to consider the fact that you grew up with such an abusive parent. They simply have no idea of your situation, nor the experiences you will have both had.

Thegirl

The morality of what she did isn't what she's asking for opinions on. What is done is done. They cannot change it and clearly they don't have a lump sum to be able to pay it back straight away.

Legally, he was already paying money to her directly in breach of the order and started repaying the money knowing she was not in university. I would suggest that both of those points would make it difficult for him to sue her for the money.

Trying to add a little perspective, perhaps your father is having money problems or his situation has changed or his outgoings have changed. If he is not in either of your lives then you don't know. The face we put on to the world is often different from our real one. Just because he earns or even earned a lot (perhaps changed jobs/hours) doesn't mean he has a huge disposable income. Some people spend what they get and a lot of people spend more than they receive, regardless of income level.
I'm just trying to make the point, you see him as a monster who is doing this to be vindictive, threstening, to be a !!!!! and I'm not saying you are wrong, but there is every chance that perhaps he genuinely has a reason to be persuing any cash he might believe he is owed.

If something happens and he does try to reclaim the money, see a solicitor for advice with all documentation you have. If he is harrassing your sister, log it with the police. Don't ignore it, log everything. But there is little point worrying about legal action until it happens.

podperson

I don't think anyone is asking you to justify why you may have a bad relationship with your father or even that he may have behaved badly towards you both. But someone else behaving badly surely that doesn't justify you doing the same back?

Your sister is apparently so upset/disgusted/fed up with your father and his behaviour that she has cut all contact and wants nothing to do with him. Do you really see no moral issue with someone doing that but still considering it ok to continue to take £350 a month from them? Either she wants to cut him out of her life or she doesn't - it's a little hypocritical to say that she wants nothing to do with him, except when it may financially benefit her. If she didn't need the money and felt uncomfortable taking it then she should have contacted him and stopped it. She didn't and apparently you and your mother encouraged her not to which means you all seem to think this is a morally acceptable situation.

globetraveller

Looking through your first post, it does not say that your dad said he was taking you to court- looks like an assumption? I would think it would be highly unlikely he would do so- it wouldn't look good to be suing your adult daughter, who wants nothing more to do with him, apart from of course, his money.
You need to get rid of the bitterness in your life. Whatever you think, your father has been generous moneywise. Also don't assume that the abuse claim is true.
To be getting £350 every month as an adult is a huge help and if you had joined MSE earlier you might have found ways to make the most use of it. Earning a wage and still using the monthly £350 to pay the rent means something is going wrong if she has no savings. Look through the various sections here.

Robsisere- it doesn't say in her post that they were abused.

Ames

Legally I think it would be up to him to prove it wasn't a gift. As he was aware that she wasn't at uni and had no intention of returning to uni and didn't stop the payments that will be difficult for him. As he knew that the conditions weren't being met, I'd see it as a completely different arrangement to the court ordered one.

As for the judgemental replies, I'm assuming that the posters have good family relationships, and don't know what it's like living with an abusive parent. I'm not saying that what your sister did was right, but I can understand why she did it.

I very much doubt he will go to court though, he sounds like he's realised that you've both grown up and he can't control you anymore so he's trying anything he can to get that power back. He knows that if he goes to court he'll be confronted and have a lot of dirty washing aired, and will want to avoid that.

whitewing

If someone is paying directly into your bank account, it isn't so easy to stop receiving the payments though if they don't stop them. And an abusive control freak parent may well continue to pay as a way to needle someone or if they can afford to lose it but they want to be able to threaten the person.

Your sister could try speaking to Women's Aid as they may be able to offer some support on the matter. No doubt they will have some experience of financial wranglings.

Leakrgn

podperson wrote: »

I don't think anyone is asking you to justify why you may have a bad relationship with your father or even that he may have behaved badly towards you both. But someone else behaving badly surely that doesn't justify you doing the same back?

Your sister is apparently so upset/disgusted/fed up with your father and his behaviour that she has cut all contact and wants nothing to do with him. Do you really see no moral issue with someone doing that but still considering it ok to continue to take £350 a month from them? Either she wants to cut him out of her life or she doesn't - it's a little hypocritical to say that she wants nothing to do with him, except when it may financially benefit her. If she didn't need the money and felt uncomfortable taking it then she should have contacted him and stopped it. She didn't and apparently you and your mother encouraged her not to which means you all seem to think this is a morally acceptable situation.

The problem is that I am so close to the situation and have been part of the animosity for so long that I fully accept my judgement is clouded! Hence coming on here and asking if anyone impartial and unbiased has an inkling as to where she would stand from a legal point of view. Obviously if people read this and think we are all immoral and "horrid" that does make me very sad but there is nothing that can be done about that now and I can only hope that the people who actually know me and my past do not hold the same opinion of me.

I was purely hoping for someone to give me some impartial advice without resorting to name-calling and insults. I was fully prepared for the answer being "he has a right to take you to court and would probably win for these reasons...." but was not quite prepared for "you sound like a horrid child"

smartpicture

If he tried to sue then I don't think he'd get anywhere because this is a private arrangement between two individuals. Your mother, on the other hand, could take him to court for all the missed payments since he stopped paying her directly as per the court order.

Ames

podperson wrote: »

I don't think anyone is asking you to justify why you may have a bad relationship with your father or even that he may have behaved badly towards you both. But someone else behaving badly surely that doesn't justify you doing the same back?

Your sister is apparently so upset/disgusted/fed up with your father and his behaviour that she has cut all contact and wants nothing to do with him. Do you really see no moral issue with someone doing that but still considering it ok to continue to take £350 a month from them? Either she wants to cut him out of her life or she doesn't - it's a little hypocritical to say that she wants nothing to do with him, except when it may financially benefit her. If she didn't need the money and felt uncomfortable taking it then she should have contacted him and stopped it. She didn't and apparently you and your mother encouraged her not to which means you all seem to think this is a morally acceptable situation.

I'm not replying to you personally but to the point in bold, which has been made by quite a few posters.

Can't you understand the temptation to get something out of a father that treated you badly? To have some kind of compensation? Especially when your sister had the same? If she hasn't had the kind of things people take for granted from a father - love, support, respect etc - then that only leaves money. I'm sure the OP and her sister would prefer to have had a dad, rather than a sperm donor and some cash!

Again, I'm not saying it was right to keep it, just that it's understandable and not as black and white as a lot of people seem to see it.