When friends split up

Robin_TBW

Invite him. Leave her behind. She says she's moved on but evidently hasn't. If she can ignore you and your child and happily miss the Christening and he can make the time for it then why should she get an invite over him just because she has a kid?

She seems manipulative to be honest.

duchy

Odds are in time she WILL move on -time alone may solve this one.

Robisere

I think we can all guess the real reason why these two split in the first place - maybe he just did not want children with HER, as a result of living with her manipulative and controlling personality.

Invite neither, tell them why. It's all about your child's birthday, not the arguments between two of your so-called friends, adults who should know better.

pigpen

If it is a childs party you invite the children.. not the adults. Why would an adult want to be invited to a childs party unless they have children themselves.. I guess grandparents are different.

I would mention it to the man if it came up but I would not be inviting an adult. I would invite the daughter of the woman.

Christenings are different entirely.. usually about the parents rather than the child due to the child being an infant normally.. and it is church which puts a lot of people off and weekend mornings which puts off more! So, I too would invite both.

duchy

First birthday parties aren't usually children's parties though- They are for the family to mark the date -the birthday child has no idea- unlike say a 4 or 6 year old.

pigpen

duchy wrote: »

First birthday parties aren't usually children's parties though- They are for the family to mark the date -the birthday child has no idea- unlike say a 4 or 6 year old.

I've had 10 1st birthday parties.. mine are about the children always.. if I wanted an adult party I'd have it on my birthday or a random date. I've been to them at soft play places too.. not really focused on the adults.

gazzak_2

pigpen wrote: »

If it is a childs party you invite the children.. not the adults. Why would an adult want to be invited to a childs party unless they have children themselves.

pigpen wrote: »

I've had 10 1st birthday parties.. mine are about the children always.. if I wanted an adult party I'd have it on my birthday or a random date. I've been to them at soft play places too.. not really focused on the adults.

Bingo. It's a child's Birthday party, these are absolutely cringeworthy events as an adult without kids. Invite neither = no problems.

marisco_2

stuckinthemiddle123 wrote: »

However, I want to be fair to both of them, and don't want her or him to think that we are taking sides.

I totally agree with the sentiment of what you have written above. One of the awful consequences of splitting from a partner is that one or both of you can end up losing relationships and friendships that were special and important. I know the pain of that from experience.

It is admirable that you wish to keep in contact with them both and not take sides. I advise giving an invitation to each of them and then it is up to each individual what they decide to do. If only more people were as caring and considerate as you appear to be, splits would be so much less painful and important links would be maintained.

marisco_2

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Has she really moved on?

HBS x

You would hope so, seeing as the woman now has a child with a new man. Must admit it doesn't sound like it though. Quite an unhealthy way to be really for all concerned.

lostinrates

marisco wrote: »

You would hope so, seeing as the woman now has a child with a new man. Must admit it doesn't sound like it though. Quite an unhealthy way to be really for all concerned.

I have moved on from my ex's too. I am in a very happy marriage. BUT at least one of them I really wouldn't want to spend an afternoon with at a social event.

No one but they know what went on during the relationship and break up and she might have some quite legitimate reasons (even if its just avoiding emotional hurt) to want to avoid him. It might be she feels, as she was your wife's friend before you were friends as couples, a closer relationship with your family. It might be based on selfishness, or even on how they discussed it before breakup. Who knows?