reigning my 3 year old in

Counting_Pennies_2

Since I fell pregnant in January, I have had dreadful morning sickness, and to be honest I have used the tv for a couple of hours a day to entertain my 3 year old and help me get through the day and he has been really good.

He has recently started preschool, and I am finding he gets quite aggressive when he plays in a group, I meet up a couple of times a week with friends who have children of the same age.

My son seems more aggressive than other children. A push in the face, or a bang on the wall. I often wonder if it is affection gone a little wrong, as he doesn't seem to have any malice about him, he is just more heavy handed.

He is very giving to other children, he will look out for others, but in the next breath aggression will come through. Maybe aggression isn't the right word.

Anyway, my question is how do I reign him in. He is starting to be labelled a little in one of my groups, or maybe I am feeling a little too sensitive with the hormones flying about everywhere.

I have done parent help at preschool and it does seem to be a bit of a free-for-all in terms of who gets what toy and if anyone is told off for any bad behaviour, so it is hard for him as he gets mixed messages, as they seem to get away with more at preschool than he would at home.

I do the thinking step, and time out in a room and I explain why he is having this time out and he has to apologise for when he does something unkind.

Any tips from mums who have been through similar with a three year old recently?

bribri_2

my 3 1/2 year seems bit rough recently. so some thoughts to consider.

Are many 3 year olds like this and we are all just more aware of our own?

I am going to stop her watching Dr Who as she has started talking about killing people and I think it is an influence. Obviously I don't expect her to actually do anything otherwise I would hand her in to the thought police.

Perhaps she is on the receiving end of rough behaviour from other friends or older cousins so then she is acting it out.

You can't control other parents so you just have to be consistent (and any other of her carers).

Watching TV might be a red herring. Mine watches too much but needs must. It is balanced by other activities. Could you both go swimming for example and use up some excess energy?

I like to use action replays after an incident. Saying sorry isn't enough. I ask my daughter to show me how she should behave.

Work on the 80/20 rule. Is she well behaved 80% of the time? So remember that and tell her so, don't fret too much about the rest. Yes if it is serious separate her from the incident and explain but I don't make out it is the end of the world.

Remember that he is 3. he is exploring his world, pushing his boundaries, things will happen.

Always consider that there may be an underlying issue, so could she have concerns about your pregnancy and her place in the family. personally I wouldn't drag her off to counselling just lots of hugs.

I wish you well.

looneyleo

I had this with my daughter. She was very hard work from the age of 2 to 4 and at times was very aggressive to other children. From no-where she would just hit, smack, scratch, bite, push etc etc etc. Yet most of the time she was the most loving, cuddly, thoughtful and caring child around. It used to break my heart when she behaved that way and hurt another child. I did discipline her though everytime with calm and careful but firm words saying that her behaviour was not acceptable, explained why it wasn't acceptable and made her apologise to the other child (even with daggers in the eyes of the other mum's). It really is awful to have the feeling of your shild being labelled as the Naughty one or violent one and having your parenting skills questionned. I'm very pleased to say now (she's nearly 5) she has got through it and everyone sings her praises saying how kind and loving she is. She just had this streak in her (I blame the MIL!) and it had to be dealt with.

You're doing everything right. Stick with it and the good behaviour will overtake the bad eventually. I understand exactly how you feel, it is hard (especially when pregnant-I had that too!), but persevere, ignore the other mum's (they must have perfect children - not!) and do what you know is right for your child. Good luck.

absolutebounder

If you cant control them at 3 what hope do you have when they get older?

taggiesgirl

absolutebounder wrote: »

If you cant control them at 3 what hope do you have when they get older?

We all wish we were as perfect as you:rotfl: but most of us need a little help now and then. Children are hard work whatever age,their is no book on how to do things you just have to do your best.

The op asked for help and advise Im not sure how your comments help her in anyway????

Anyway OP, i have 2 boys (7years and 3 years).and what you are describing are just normal of boys:rotfl: trust me most are like this at that age,you just have to do your best,trust in yourself that its nothing you as a mother have done or are doing its just him and his age!!!! the fact hes mixing at nursery too;)

tra_2

absolutebounder wrote: »

If you cant control them at 3 what hope do you have when they get older?

That was helpful, she says sarcastically!


I also have a three year old and am pregnant and know how frustrating it can be. Just stick with the discipline routine and I'm sure it will be ok.

Counting_Pennies_2

Thanks for the helpful and constructive feedback that has been given, I have always found it helps to keep one step ahead of the changes they go through and up until January I was coping really well, I think the exhausting sickness I have been through has taken my eye off the ball for a couple of months.

Counting_Pennies_2

taggiesgirl wrote: »

We all wish we were as perfect as you:rotfl:

I was quite taken aback myself, but when you click on this person's historical posts giving 'advice' it says it all.

lynzpower

just a thought, do you or anyone you know have any pets, or little babies ()m apart from the one on the way. congrats BTW)

Just thinking about how we all learn how to be gentle with touch a stroking of a kitten, a light kiss to a tiny baby - but then alternatively boistrous play ( lifting a bucket of sand - pushing a trolley of bricks etc)

just helps to highlight how strong you can be but also how gentle you can be as well.

Counting_Pennies_2

lynzpower wrote: »

just a thought, do you or anyone you know have any pets, or little babies ()m apart from the one on the way. congrats BTW)

Just thinking about how we all learn how to be gentle with touch a stroking of a kitten, a light kiss to a tiny baby - but then alternatively boistrous play ( lifting a bucket of sand - pushing a trolley of bricks etc)

just helps to highlight how strong you can be but also how gentle you can be as well.

Hi, thanks for that, I might try showing him those actions together to highlight the point. He is so very gentle with the babies in my group. We have a newborn, 6 month old and 1 year old who are siblings for the other children his age, he is so excited by them, and strokes their hair and gives them toys and reads books to the older one, and then give him a child of his age in a group situation and he becomes more heavy handed. But as you say if I highlight the gentleness to others, and show him in which situations he can use his strength it might help matters.

MortgageMamma

absolutebounder wrote: »

If you cant control them at 3 what hope do you have when they get older?

How would you know your only child is in her late teens. You say some stupid things sometimes.:mad:

To the OP, I posted a thread the other day as my 3 year old son has similar problems and has lately just started biting - I am assured by the nursery he goes to that although it is unacceptable its totally normal behaviour for a 3 year old. Its all down to frustration - communication issues and they don't like to be kept waiting.

I have noticed when this is going to occur in the last couple of days, I can see a change in his face so I am going to try and prevent it happening.

We went shopping for a new car this morning, whilst I was checking out a car a nice salesman occupied him for us with toy cars on his desk. we heard a big yell and were so embarassed when we realised ben had bit him too. needless to say we made a swift and apologetic exit - i want to go back for the car as it was perfect for us but I'm too embarassed now.

If you are really struggling for ideas there are loads of books on this sort of stuff in the library which I fully intend to use!