30 months to no debt - an Optimistic Journey

please-let-me-be-lucky

HeadAboveWater wrote: »

*hug* flying your way!! Hope you're feeling better today. Yeah, maybe split the work between you both next time.

Ditto from me Xx

Skint_but_Optimistic

Month 26, day 22. So my oldest baby is 25 today. Ridiculous, she has no business being over 15. I missed posting yesterday, I dont feel like I am accomplishing anything right now. I think its because all efforts etc have to be focussed on the other house.

The painter is still having car issues so I have put him off for a week, that allowed me to dip into the fund and use it for DS school uniform and pie ingredients. I am making many pies for DH birthday party at the weekend.

Some pies I am not familiar with but I am sure they will be nice!

please-let-me-be-lucky

Happy birthday to your daughter! All the best people have birthdays today Xx

Skint_but_Optimistic

Month 26 - day 24. Indeed Lucky, some very lovely people have their birthdays on September 11.

Its DH birthday today. I shall pick him some little bits n bobs up at lunchtime and we are having a pie festival at the weekend.

Yesterday I was having a real down day. I had an argument with DD2 where I basically had to justify everything from the past ten years as she had been told a series of events which were not accurate. I told my sister and she was shocked too. The jealousy of those who are looking at how we have rebuilt our lives and are creating a future was tangible. The fuel that gives to a teenager looking for leverage is dangerous.

However following my head being given a shake, I acted as someone would who has nothing to be ashamed of. I went through each of her "points" she had raised with me. I put the truth into them. I handed her it as a report. It wasnt cold, it was concise and honest and with no anger to muddy the water.

She read it and digested it and realised it rang true. She apologised. I have taken her mobile phone off her for a week and she is grounded for 2 weeks. She will help around the house.

Last night I cut the lawns, and I made more pies. There are loads of them. However my husband is a prolific eater of pies. The weather tomorrow has to be nice. So we can look forward to pie fest and sunshine.

Today I am working on my interview stuff, as its been deferred to Monday.

HeadAboveWater

Morning

Families are really tough. Gotta hand it to you though - sounds like you dealt with it perfectly. Well done on keeping your cool and sticking to the facts. Sometimes it does just need to be laid out in front of them in black and white before they 'see' what's going on.

Hope you're in better form today. Chin up and keep smiling

Skint_but_Optimistic

Thanks. I had been challenged on a few areas. it was difficult to handle but I can talk about it in here. Her dad was used as something I should aspire to. I had no doubts as to the source of the outburst.

I just needed to address some of the comments she directed to me. I was unsure of her motivation in attacking me and belittling my authority. As a result of her actions I asked her dad to have her this weekend, he was too busy.

Firstly, if she was asked to help out in the house with little things like watching her brother, this is nothing. She had stated "you do nothing for him" and I was cleaning the kitchen and he needed a bath. When I was her age I cleaned the house top to bottom once a week. I did shopping and looked after myself. I also did all the ironing and changed all the beds. My mam was in hospital. I also kept on top of my homework. I didn’t need help to find a pair of socks or a pen or any other random item which needs micromanaging. Not that I mind so much but it can be testing.

My financial arrangements past and present are not for comment by her, or people outside my home. It was suggested I am where I am today to her dads detriment. The fact her father pays child support is immaterial. He has only paid this for the past five years and we have been separated for ten years. The reason he wasn’t paying the five years previous? Well he was meant to be paying the joint debts off – and using it toward that, and then he would have the ex marital home. I paid that off and he failed to buy me out of the house. A court ordered I was given the house as he failed to do this.. The child support is not “what her dad pays towards her” it’s a duty of care and it comes off his wages, he is not doing it voluntarily. It was painted as his ultimate sacrifice which he provided freely and without grumble.

Yes, occasionally we lend money from her. She made it sound like she was a grand financier. We always pay back immediately. However this is negated by the fact we fund her activities, pay phone bills buy treats and clothes and various other rubbish. We pay for cinema trips and even provide lifts there and back. I don’t see her dad doing this at any point. She wants to go swimming on a Tuesday (after she has served her grounding and has asked me to provide the transport). I suggested perhaps she could ask her dad to do this on a weekly basis.

How I afforded to decorate my house ten years ago was called into question. Apparently - as I had lost my job, it was paid for by her dad. I was working until her dad and I split up, then her Grandma and Grandad wouldn’t mind her for me. I claimed income support. I did nearly all the work myself cleaning up that house –BIL helped and her dad did her and DD1s rooms so he could move back to the ex marial home – as per the agreement we had above. We had 2 cars both of which were in her dads name and I didn’t even have a car to use. I worked in gyms, bars and shops and went to college briefly. I bought a small car after a year and got a dog. I am not sure she even remembers fully, but if she does she will remember being in her buggy in a snow suit in the livingroom when It was freezing cold while I stripped paper. As I said, no one would watch her . I had no car. I had to manage and I did. She had no right to question me and persecute me because other people are jealous of what I have built up. They would much rather I suffered for the rest of my life as they are cruel and can be very vicious..

The malicious lies she has been fed are just that. I am her mam and have always been there for her and to use someone elses version of events against me and think she is superior to me is quite frankly cruel.

The reason her dad and I split up – that’s immaterial to everything but is bandied about. What her grandma sees is a side of the story from someone who couldn’t tell her the truth about where he was living. Her dad and I split up because we no longer wanted to be together. Money was a factor yes. Her dad went to the pub and spent it. He thought I wasted it. Food and clothes for kids - ok. He spent it on cars with televisions in. Technology, mountain bikes. His lifestyle and spending patterns haven’t changed. He has no house but is looking at purchasing a campervan. He has 2 cars a breitling watch and hugo boss suits. He still wastes money and still blames me for the fact he has no house.

Can I just say that in a world where our weekly shop was 60 pounds for food and laundry, her dad would take a thirty pound bottle of whisky out with him three nights a week, and on top of that would have a bar bill of between 30 and 40 pounds. That is 180 pounds on drink, before you start.

I have turned my life around. I am not worried about demands for bills and credit cards. I cleared over 50 thousand pounds of joint debt I had with her dad. I now work hard and I make good money and we own 2 houses and soon will have an income from that.

People putting that down and saying how I needed financial help to get my council house are wrong. People are jealous of the way I have turned my life around. I have a stable home life, a good standard of living and a bright future.

I suggested that unless she wanted to spend the rest of her life ona sofa bed at her dads girlfreinds that she treats me with more respect. She also said I was an alcoholic as I had a glass of wine. However, while alcoholism has a certain appeal when you are being berated by a 13 year old know all with a superiority complex, I haven’t succumbed to that particular vice.


That my lovelies, is why I was down, and subsequently, how I countermanded it.

Not on at all. She has been fed poison, bust she chose to use it and is now reaping the consequences.

HeadAboveWater

R.e.s.p.e.c.t.

Skint_but_Optimistic

thanks lovely, I appreciate it - I am not asking for anything other than not to be looked down on.

I dont like her dads lifestyle but I dont call it to her. I have called it into question and felt a little bad doing so but only where he or his mother has used his behaviours as a point against mine to DD.

Thing is she isnt a bad kid. She got started on a road and kept on it. It seemed to be working for her, she was winning the argument. To be fair, she didnt know the whole story.

Now that shes put straight, has been grounded for behaving unreasonably and being disrespectful, we will see how it goes.

In other news, we are having a takeaway cos its DH birthday!

millionaire_in_training

That is just s h i t behaviour by your ex and his Mum. Bloody disgraceful. Good for you for sorting it out. Your daughter will realise and be proud of you. She's 13, they're orrible at that age !! and 14 and 15 and 16 etc etc xx

Fortune_Smiles

Don't let it get you down SBO - it's part of the job description of a teenager to push the boundaries. You dealt with it very well so she'll realise it's not a line to cross in future.

As for the instigators - well some people are just toxic and you're well rid.

Fortune x