Advice on Bullying Older sister and brother

acebanditcat

I dont think id be able to befriend her to be honest. Judging buy the comments she places on facebook it isnt a good idea. Last week she posted a comment saying "i'm sick and tired of never getting a break from my kids" This irrupted in a massive nasty conversation with her and her friends. One myself and my bf did not join i haisten to add. How ever she does only have then for 5 days a week and they are at school then. the daughter goes to her dads on a friday after school and we collect her son on a saturday morning. We live 50 minutes away from them so if we did have him with us schooling will have to be addressed.

I am a kind person i hope so i have said its ok for her to come to us at weekends sometimes but at the end of the day this child is nothing to do with either myself or my partner. Its just we are trying to help.

iwb100

acebanditcat wrote: »

my bf is very good at disaplining his son. he says he has no qualms being the policeman. But when he gets a text message saying the kids wont sit on the sofa to eat their tea he cant really sort that out. all he asked is why arent they sat at the table and the reply is "the washing is on there"

Its difficult trying to discapline part time.

It's not really your husbands job in the first place to discipline the 8 year old girl. I think that her mum needs to do this properly.

acebanditcat

i mentioned that the current boyfriend doesnt get on well with the baby because someone asked "why can no one get on with a baby" i mentioned the out of work to explain why we have to collect the daughter and why my partner has to pay for things for her.
like you said i'm not related to anyone. my partner is only related to the boy. If my partner choses not to collect her on a sunday the consequence is that she wont get to go to her dads.

My partner has seen a solicitor before i met him as their had been problems before i met him. he was told just to keep the mother happy.

acebanditcat

iwb100 wrote: »

It's not really your husbands job in the first place to discipline the 8 year old girl. I think that her mum needs to do this properly.

Exactly! thats why its difficult for us to do anything.

19lottie82

iwb100 wrote: »

It's not really your husbands job in the first place to discipline the 8 year old girl.

It is while she is entrusted in his care.

acebanditcat

19lottie82 wrote: »

It is while she is entrusted in his care.

It hasn't happened in our care. This is first we have heard of it this week. When she has been with us yes she has been disaplinend.

Claree__x

acebanditcat wrote: »

At the end of the day this child is nothing to do with either myself or my partner. Its just we are trying to help.

That's not really true though, is it? If you BF was living with her mother - presumably if they have a 5 year old together he was there for at least a year or two - to say the daughter is "nothing to do with him" is a bit harsh.

acebanditcat

Claree__x wrote: »

That's not really true though, is it? If you BF was living with her mother - presumably if they have a 5 year old together he was there for at least a year or two - to say the daughter is "nothing to do with him" is a bit harsh.

No i dont think that but i know others might thats why I said it.
Same as might might say why am i bothered when its technically nothing to do with me.

FatVonD

acebanditcat wrote: »

Hmm i sugggested that we had him full time but althought he'd love to he said his ex wont let him.

Has he asked her? It doesn't necessarilly have to be all the time but he could easily pick up his son on a Friday night and return him on Monday morning. Somebody made some good points about letting her know that her maintenance amounts won't be reduced if he has him more. Could he drive over midweek and take both the older children out for the evening and then drive back after returning them?

acebanditcat wrote: »

None of them are in employment.

Totally irrelevant and sounds like you're drip feeding more and more negatives about the mum.

acebanditcat wrote: »

I think my boyfriend is going above and beyond quite alot

You seem to have bagged a good man, you will be very grateful for that if you ever have children together so don't wish he were different!

acebanditcat wrote: »

as she doesnt let him have a single weekend off. He was ill one weekend, had been off all week with flu and sickness and told her he was unable to pick him up. I cannot repeat the abuse he got in text messages for being a "usless dad"

I can understand not wanting to pass on a bug but do you think the mum can just stop being a mum if she's ill? That might be how she sees it.

acebanditcat wrote: »

His concern mainly is his son. As hes in possible danger. and of course hes concerned about the little girl.

Then he needs to do something about it and he needs to remove his son until he knows he is not going to be pushed out of an open window!

acebanditcat

Anyway, thank you all for the great advice you've all been very helpful.
I'm sure tomorrow when my partners there he can talk things through and they can all sort it out.

Thanks x