Advice on Bullying Older sister and brother

acebanditcat

To be honest this has only started in the last two months.

jackomdj

I think someone above hit the nail on the head then.

Mum has new partner and new baby.

Brother has good Dad and now you, in her eyes a proper family unit. Who do family things like go to restaurants.

She has a rubbish Dad who does not always turn up and when he does he dumps her on Gran.

No wonder she feels isolated. The thing to work out is how to make her feel more a part of the family. It sounds as if your OH gets on well with his ex, they and her current partner need to sit down and work out what to do before something serious happens.

Poppy9

The poor little girl must be so confused.

Age 1 along comes a new Daddy and stays till she is 5. During this time she sees another man fairly regularly who is also Daddy. Mummy and new Daddy give her a brother when she is 3 and they all play happy families for a couple of years.

Then age 5, when she is just getting used to school full time new Daddy leaves and baby brother is at home with Mummy.

Now she doesn't see new Daddy much but her brother, who has had lots of alone time (in her eyes) with Mummy is picked up and taken away by new Daddy every week. She must wonders what she has done wrong not go too.

Mummy then brings home another new Daddy figure and along comes another little brother. Now brother 1 goes off with his Daddy every week, she sees her new Daddy only when her old Daddy doesn't want her (she will have picked up on this) and her new brother gets to stay and have alone time with Mummy who maybe too tired/busy to give her much attention during the week.

She is trying to find a way to get attention and she gets Mummy's attention if she is naughty and hits her brother. So when she visits your house she does the same to get her new Daddy's attention.

Now you understand the problem, now you can address.

Your ex obviously feels a commitment for her after being part of her life for over half of her life. The weekend arrangement needs rejigging to meet her needs not just her parents.

Perhaps change to having both children every other weekend so she knows where she will be and feels wanted.

Her mother needs to give her some me time as she's had so much change in her life. Her new partner could babysit or take him to visit family so mother and DD can be alone, even if it's just to watch a film together, read some books etc.

Good luck

cheepskate_2

O.P, when did the bullying start.
Could it be a reaction to the new baby and lack /less of attention to her .

Could it also coincide with the new boyfriend coming on the scene. The little girl is 8 and technically has had 3 fathers in that time. This must have some effect on her, maybe she worries this one will leave as well.

this age 6/7/8 is the worst age for dealing with trauma and effects them more than any other age group.

Errata

She's constantly had her life turned upside down and is taking it out on someone smaller than she is because she can't take it out on all the grownups that have turned her life upside down. Should anyone be surprised?

iwb100

Simply someone needs to properly discipline the 8 year old and put the fear of god into her to stop her from bullying her brother. Job done.

LandyAndy

iwb100 wrote: »

Simply someone needs to properly discipline the 8 year old and put the fear of god into her to stop her from bullying her brother. Job done.

Ah yes. Bullying her. That's sure to work in the long run.

acebanditcat

My partner left 4 years ago. The new boyfriend moved in straight away apparently so hes been there since she was 5. Tho he is apparently not always there and doenst get on with his new baby so the mum has to look after the baby girl all the time.

My partner did tell me last night that when he went to get his son last saturday his ex said she was worried that her daughter kept pushing his son against the bedroom open window. Obviously he was horrified and asked why it wasnt locked. she said she didnt know where the key was. He made her find it and so its now locked.

He also told me he is very upset about all this because he cant really disapline a child that isnt his (tho obviously he did when hed lived there)

He also said that his ex will not discuss something like this with "outsiders" school etc

dibuzz

iwb100 wrote: »

Simply someone needs to properly discipline the 8 year old and put the fear of god into her to stop her from bullying her brother. Job done.

She needs love and stability, how can it be right to treat her the same way as she is behaving towards her brother?

Errata

He also told me he is very upset about all this

He's not half as upset as your DD is who has had three three 'daddies' so far in her short life.