Separated, how much should I provide?

RAS

JackRS

Take it easy this weekend. Or maybe try to do something physical that does not need money; like a hard walk or a run. Get the endophorins flowing?

justme111

Alternating hot and cold water in a shower works a treat . One would have.to pay for water and heating it though

justme111

JackRS wrote: »

No need to apologies at the end of the day this forum is peoples opinions based on their life experiences. I'm not going to do everything people suggest as I know they don't have all the facts. I've come on here to get peoples opinions so I'm going to get a variation. All those different views help me to check my own views to ensure I'm being reasonable and fair which is what I was asking for originally.

The feedback I've had from everyone yes everyone has been helpful and informative. What I wasn't expecting was the moral support so many have given me, it really is helping me get through these dark times. I've lost interest in my hobbies and what I used to enjoy, I've lost my confidence and who I was as a person. I've wondered if there's any point to my life now as I feel so sad, and suchy a bad person knowing what my choices mean for the future and others.

However you guys on here have given me the much needed support, hope and a bit of strength to carry on. I'm a long way from being the strong confident guy I once was but if I can get through this maybe I can start down the road to recovery and find a happier life.

Thank you everyone.

Jack , I witnessed a few divorced cases in friends and acquaintances and people involved in those become so bruised , erratic , depressed , fragmented and defragmented, drinking , shadows of themselves , angry , needy , desperate , to the extent that it could scare me. You sound as one of the healthiest cases, I can fault nothing you written on here , and it does not happen often as my friends and these forums know me as critical to the extent of being abrasive , I believe you are one of the most admirable internet personages I came across , have a nice weekend !

RAS

JackRS

A few things that crossed my mind.

Until recently you were staying with a mate and now you are living alone. What can you do to ensure that you have human contact outside work (other than when your daughter wants to see you)?

I am guessing from your earlier posts that you have a short-term AST and very little furniture (remembering the sofa saga etc). Not sure how much more you might end up with when the house sells but in the mean-time it might be worth joining www.freegle.org.uk for your area; even if you limit your search to places close to work and home. Do not know what you need but they are good sources of things like coffee tables, hanging rails, chests of drawers etc. You can always put it back on freegle later when you no longer need it.

Come over to the Money Saving Old Style forum http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?s=&daysprune=&f=33. Some people are scary (the discussion of the hard-core regarding Jamie Oliver's ideas on Money Saving is a good intro) but there are good threads on single cooking, making meals from store cupboard staples etc.

If you have a basic semi, you probably have a garden of some sort. When the weather is decent, try to get out and consider planting a tub of two of bulbs for the spring. Wilkos can be relatively cheap but market stals are even better.

JackRS

RAS wrote: »

JackRS

A few things that corssed my mind.

Until recently you were staying with a mate and now you are living alone. What can you do to ensure that you have human contact outside work (other than when your daughter wants to see you)?

I am guessing from your earlier posts that you have a short-term AST and very little furniture (remembering the sofa saga etc). Not sure how much more you might end up with when the house sells but in the mean-time it might be worth joining www.freegle.org.uk for your area; even if you limit your search to places close to work and home. Do not know what you need but they are good sources of things like coffee tables, hanging rails, chests of drawers etc. You can always put it back on freegle later when you no longer need it.

Come over to the Money Saving Old Style forum http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?s=&daysprune=&f=33. Some people are scary (the discussion of the hard-core regarding Jamie Oliver's ideas on Money Saving is a good intro) but there are good threads on single cooking, making meals from store cupboard staples etc.

If you have a basic semi, you probably have a garden of some sort. When the weather is decent, try to get out and consider planting a tub of two of bulbs for the spring. Wilkos can be relatively cheap but market stals are even better.

Thanks RAS

I’m a capable cook and eat well, like to make up my own recipes etc under the heading of ‘what can I make with what I’ve got in’, so the house often smells of garlic!

Furniture wise, got all I need to survive, sofa and TV and coffee table plus units from the kids lounge from the old house. Bought a bed, washing machine and freezer all on the 0% credit card. A friend gave me a load of pots and pans and a toaster.

I’ve got a few guys around who have been through Divorce, one came over to see me Friday night, although their’s all seem to have been more straightforward. So I do have friends around me supporting me and willing me back to my former self.

Visited my parents yesterday who are obviously worried and want to help which makes me feel guilty considering their age I really don’t want to be a burden on them. I bought fish and chips for Tea and my Dad who’s 80 and still does gardening work to make ends meet was trying give me money towards it. So I managed to persuade him that he can help me by letting me make small gestures like this considering all he did for me when I was growing up etc.

Also managed to see a couple of friends, one them is also going through a divorce, well he’s actually divorced but the financial settlement hasn't been concluded, which I didn’t think was possible, thought financial settlement had to be resolved before divorce is finalised? Anyway it was good to talk, told him about my situation and like most of the guys on here he was suggesting to have some faith, that she’ll not get everything she’s asking for and to focus on the future of being free and starting again, even if it is with nothing, sometime that is everything….

lostinrates

Jack, a friend of mine also was divorced last year before financial settlement. It took a further eight or nine months for financial settlement. It can happen.

JackRS

lostinrates wrote: »

Jack, a friend of mine also was divorced last year before financial settlement. It took a further eight or nine months for financial settlement. It can happen.

I see I had no idea. My solicitor did point out that after the first financial settlement hearing there's a potential of a further hearings if things aren't agreed, so I guess the divorce could be through first?

lostinrates

JackRS wrote: »

I see I had no idea. My solicitor did point out that after the first financial settlement hearing there's a potential of a further hearings if things aren't agreed, so I guess the divorce could be through first?

This was some significant time difference. They had had no hearing about financial settlement before divorce only agreeing child access etc ( and in fact in the end agreed on the day in went to court when the judge strongly encouraged one of them to consider the others offer as more than reasonable and better than they would be likely to get if court decided)

RAS

JackRS

Please that you have friends who are looking out for you and with whom you can talk.

With respect to financial settlements; you need to talk to your solicitor about the timings.

My personal view is rather old fashioned; that this should be sorted before the divorce and it used to be as a rule.

We see some terrifying cases of DIY divorces where no financial settlement was even attempted when the divorce happened years ago. And now one party wants to move on and cannot, whether that is the party still living in a jointly owned property who is being "blackmailed" into agreeing a higher portion of the sale or a higher buy-out price at the last minute or the person who just discovered that their informal agreement is legally null and void. Or the person whose credit record and chances of a future mortgage have bene trashed by a repossesion about which they knew nothing.

One thing you might want to ask you lawyer about is getting a legally binding agreement re the sale of the house to prevent your ex from waiting until the day of exchange and then demanding extra money to sign on the dotted line. Seen that happen on here too often.

lostinrates

RAS wrote: »

JackRS

Please that you have friends who are looking out for you and with whom you can talk.

With respect to financial settlements; you need to talk to your solicitor about the timings.

My personal view is rather old fashioned; that this should be sorted before the divorce and it used to be as a rule.

We see some terrifying cases of DIY divorces where no financial settlement was even attempted when the divorce happened years ago. And now one party wants to move on and cannot, whether that is the party still living in a jointly owned property who is being "blackmailed" into agreeing a higher portion of the sale or a higher buy-out price at the last minute or the person who just discovered that their informal agreement is legally null and void. Or the person whose credit record and chances of a future mortgage have bene trashed by a repossesion about which they knew nothing.

One thing you might want to ask you lawyer about is getting a legally binding agreement re the sale of the house to prevent your ex from waiting until the day of exchange and then demanding extra money to sign on the dotted line. Seen that happen on here too often.

RAS, neither my friend nor her solicitor expected the divorce to come through without the financial agreement.

I agree its one to check, because it seems that it took everyone by surprise when it happened bar the ex husband.