Separated, how much should I provide?

edited 31 August 2016 at 11:26AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
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  • edited 21 May 2018 at 4:14PM
    JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    edited 21 May 2018 at 4:14PM
    Quick update!!!.
    This month was a major milestone as I've now made my final spousal maintenance payment, collect the lease car and returned without too many complication. So that's it, legally clean break from this point!

    She did visit my parents last weekend (without the children) to take a birthday card for my Father and she mentioned to them that she can't afford a car and has to borrow her mums car now. My mum said she's fortunate that she can borrow one so regularly.It seems she wants to continue playing the victim, not sure why she keeps visiting my parents, she never wanted to go when we were together.


    Saw my daughter Friday night, she's currently in her last 4 weeks of her music course and applying for internships with a number of companies. She confirmed that she wouldn't be attending my wedding later this year, she wouldn't feel comfortable.I said I understood but hope that in time things would be different.
    Regards

    JackRS
  • AmesAmes Forumite
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    Hurrah! to the news about the end of payments, you really can look to the future now.

    It's sad that your daughter still needs to come to terms with it all, hopefully she'll come to the wedding but at least you're talking now.
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
  • MojisolaMojisola Forumite
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    JackRS wrote: »

    She did visit my parents last weekend (without the children) to take a birthday card for my Father and she mentioned to them that she can't afford a car and has to borrow her mums car now.

    My mum said she's fortunate that she can borrow one so regularly.It seems she wants to continue playing the victim, not sure why she keeps visiting my parents, she never wanted to go when we were together.

    Love your Mum’s reply!

    Your ex may finally be regretting what’s she’s done and is trying to keep some contract through calling on your parents.
  • vandanfcvandanfc Forumite
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    At least that door is now finally closed for good. I hope your daughter does come around sooner rather than later. Enjoy this next chapter of your life. Best wishes to you and your future wife for your wedding day. x
  • beanieloubeanielou Forumite
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    So glad that you can close another chapter.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~**
    MFW. Finally mortgage free February 2021****
    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
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  • barbiedollbarbiedoll Forumite
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    Hope your wedding day goes well Jack, it’s good to hear that you’re happy again, and financially free from your ex at last!

    I feel for your daughter, she would probably love to have a normal relationship with you and your partner, but your ex won’t let her. Of course your children were upset at the breakdown of their parents’ relationship, but your ex has undoubtedly manipulated them since.

    I like the sound of your mum! Is ex waiting for them to offer to buy her a car? Or to guilt trip you into buying one for her? Does she have no shame? You’d think she would want them (and by proxy, you) to know that she is a strong independent woman, who has survived the massive upheaval in her life.....not to go whinging about how she doesn’t have her own car. Some things never change! ;)

    Thanks for the update, do come back to tell us about the wedding!
    "I may be many things but not being indiscreet isn't one of them"
  • duchyduchy Forumite
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    Is it mean of me to wonder why her own parent's haven't bought her a car .
    Wishing you a wonderful wedding day Jack and I'm sorry your kids are still being made to feel they have to choose. They are both adults now after all. Still time does amazing things. I'm very thankful both my son and my step daughterto be and her children are all happy to attend my wedding later this year.
    I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole

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  • GigervampGigervamp Forumite
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    Great news about the car and payments. You're finally free! And I LOVED your mum's reply, she saw right through your ex!


    Sorry your daughter isn't coming to the wedding, I also feel that your children have been manipulated by their mother. I expect if your daughter had agreed to go to your wedding, she'd have to deal with her mother ranting about how daughter was betraying her, or something like it.


    Wishing you all the best, and thanks for the update. Do let us know how the wedding goes!
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    Some of you asked me to keep you updated.....


    We got married last Saturday, it was an amazing day that had taken 2 years to plan and will take another 2 years to pay for but thanks to the zero % cards for making it possible...


    We haven't been on honeymoon yet, we'll need to save for that and go next year. Actually it will be nice for us to plan that now it would have been too much additional stress on top of the wedding.


    Hope you're all OK
    Regards

    JackRS
  • thorsoakthorsoak Forumite
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    Thank you so much for updating us Jack - it would have been nice to hear that your son and daughter were at your wedding - but at least you have had your lovely day - and wishing you good health and happiness for your future together xxx
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