Separated, how much should I provide?

RAS

Trying to locate how much you are currently paying her JacK?

£650 for son
£200+ for car
Plus.........

ampersand

The devil's in the detail and that's another wrong'un from solicitor re: son.

2nd, this jumps out: ' I would advise you to consider looking at the Child Maintenance Service website for clarification.'


Excuse me, who is the solicitor here? Who's paying her? For what? Oh, qualified professional advice... Has this source only just occurred to her? Complete familiarity with its workings is surely part of the basic toolkit in Family Law matters?

Given her latest mistake, any other calcs and suggestions she's made, perhaps based on this misassumption, don't inspire confidence. The previous error related to your pension figures as I recall.

Jack, the way you are having to do so much of this and pay heavily for less than satisfactory, timely and pertinent legal representation and intervention just doesn't feel right. I drew an immediate parallel with this -

http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2014/sep/04/police-telling-victims-solve-crimes-themselves
#
Also, I doubt you've had time to look at current rents for where you are: that's next month and they're on the rise nationally. You must not/can not take on more debt.

justme111

I second what ampersand says re poor service from solicitor. I have resigned to rampant incompetence though where what I consider normal is called "expert" so not sure if jack changes solicitor he will not get more of the same. There was a poster in this thread who been through divorce and called solicitors "glamourised penpushers " . I think it would be useful to jack to talk to that person , may be a couple of tips on how to avoid those or failing that how to deal with them

gonzo127

if you are concerned about her going to court for interim maintenance payments, have you considered informing her that from X date you shall be reducing your voluntary payments to her by say 5% a month, stipulating that child maintenance payments will also be reduced by a % a month until it reaches the value required by the CSA. (for information 5% reduction a month will give her just under 2 years before it has entirely gone)

I would expect this would halt her ability to take it to court as the impact would be small each month and also allows her time to adjust her lifestyle accordingly as its not a big hit.

it could also show when it goes to court that you have given her a long time to adjust her lifestyle, and that you have not 'hit' her with a massive reduction in income, but have structured it to have less impact

added in with the fact that if you are making payments directly to the children, this could make any moans she makes about you giving her less money, more apparent that her demands have been nothing about the children, but entirely about her wants, which will make most people (as shown on this thread) less sympathetic to her

tom9980

RAS wrote: »

Trying to locate how much you are currently paying her JacK?

£650 for son
£200+ for car
Plus.........

Remember she said she wanted £850 on top of her likely £1k salary? well that is still £850 so she's getting what she wanted. She will just need to find that job now wont she? :rotfl:

Mojisola

JackRS wrote: »

I agree regarding maintenance. ‘Son’ is 18 ½ and as he has left full time secondary education, I am not of the view that you should be paying child maintenance for him in any event. I would advise you to consider looking at the Child Maintenance Service website for clarification.

If it wasn't for the fact that she will charge you for answering it, I'd be tempted to email back and ask what are you paying her for because you could read a website for nothing.

justme111

I have not advised withdrawing maintenance previously . Circumstances changed , children moved out , she had enough time to adjust , all mediation failed . Now it is clear that ex is after lifelong maintenance . The thought of it would be so alarming to me that I would have risked far more than 4 grand to get rid of it. If you do not stop it it does mean you see it as reasonable , how do you expect then to judge to see it as not reasonable if even you yourself pat it "voluntarily "?
Up to you of course , I am not a lawyer , I just know what I would have done when facing lifelong maintenance. It's not a damsel in distress anymore , its a massive leach. I would have cut everything out . I would be tempted to arrange at work non paid leave so as even CS would be paid to her. (After a few months of not paying her maintenance to stash the money for barrister while not working.)

justme111

Jack , you paying MORE than minimal CS ? Please tell me you don't .
Great suggestion by Gonzo re reducing maintenance .

mgdavid

It's so hard to be definitive about CM and when it stops, due to changes in legislation, the body that administers it, and their rules.
I found this:
However, 16 is the minimum age where child maintenance can stop. Between the ages of 16 and 19, if the child is enrolled full-time in school (more than 12 hours per week and the course is up to and including A level), child maintenance for the child must be paid. This does not apply to advanced study, like study at a college or university, this only includes non-advanced study.
Ref: http://www.sfla.co.uk/endmaintenance.htm

the new CMS website agrees:
https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance/eligibility

so college and uni don't count.

IMO the ex only has need to rent a 1-bed flat.

Ames

I think the comments about the solicitor telling Jack to read the CSA website are a bit harsh. I think she's just trying to save him money - he can read it himself for free, or she can summarise it for him and bill him accordingly.

To me her latest message seems to be saying 'I can't tell you to stop paying maintenance because if it goes wrong you can come back at me, but it's what I think you should be doing'.

I like Gonzo's idea of cutting maintenance gradually, although I'd go at more than 5% a month.

Also, what do you mean by paying your daughter a 'nominal' amount? To me that indicates a small token payment, which I think is a little harsh on her. Obviously I'm working from the assumption that whatever you pay her comes directly off what you're paying ex, not suggesting it should be a cost on top of everything else!