Separated, how much should I provide?

JackRS

RAS wrote: »

Trying to locate how much you are currently paying her JacK?

£650 for son
£200+ for car
Plus.........

Well it's a long way back but I originally was paying 1000 plus car but her solicitor issued a maintenance pending suit court summons. So I was advised to increase it to 1150 to avoid the case and the fees of around £4K...

So up to now been paying 1150 as voluntary maintenance so when I reduce it to CSA it's going to get nasty even though she still gets the car. Need to work on wording the email and explaining to my daughter what I'm doing and why.

mgdavid

JackRS wrote: »

Well it's a long way back but I originally was paying 1000 plus car but her solicitor issued a maintenance pending suit court summons. So I was advised to increase it to 1150 to avoid the case and the fees of around £4K...

So up to now been paying 1150 as voluntary maintenance so when I reduce it to CSA it's going to get nasty even though she still gets the car. Need to work on wording the email and explaining to my daughter what I'm doing and why.

especially as under the new rules the CSA for your two is now NIL.

FBaby

JackRS I have read without posting, but just wanted to advise that when you make your decision, do think of how you will feel about it in 5, 10 years time when all the ties will be broken.

I think you are still holding on with decision on the basis of what you had together rather than what you will (not) have in the future. The risk of lifetime maintenance might not be the ultimate nightmare that it will feel like when you totally move on, and maybe rebuild your life with someone else. It will then be too late, no going back.

It is hard to break that sense of responsibility when it has been part of who you are for so many years, but it is not long until this will be fully in the past where it should remain. Being free of the full responsibility will be such a massive relief, much outweighing any concern you now have that it might not be right to let her get on her own two feet and get on with her life.

JackRS

mgdavid wrote: »

especially as under the new rules the CSA for your two is now NIL.

I will look for confirmation from the CSA but my interpretation is that he qualifies as he’s under 20 on a course that is A-level or under equivalent. (BTEC Business Studies). However I may have that wrong so I will confirm. I will still provide this even if it’s not a CSA requirement.

JackRS

FBaby wrote: »

JackRS I have read without posting, but just wanted to advise that when you make your decision, do think of how you will feel about it in 5, 10 years time when all the ties will be broken.

I think you are still holding on with decision on the basis of what you had together rather than what you will (not) have in the future. The risk of lifetime maintenance might not be the ultimate nightmare that it will feel like when you totally move on, and maybe rebuild your life with someone else. It will then be too late, no going back.

It is hard to break that sense of responsibility when it has been part of who you are for so many years, but it is not long until this will be fully in the past where it should remain. Being free of the full responsibility will be such a massive relief, much outweighing any concern you now have that it might not be right to let her get on her own two feet and get on with her life.

Believe me I have wanted her to be able to be independant for a long time, it was legal advice tha has stopped me. ex mrs JackRS however believes i should be responsible for her for life as it was me who left her.

My only concern is for my children, I know ex mrs JackRS will be fine, I just want no ties or contact with her.

justme111

JackRS wrote: »

I will look for confirmation from the CSA but my interpretation is that he qualifies as he’s under 20 on a course that is A-level or under equivalent. (BTEC Business Studies). However I may have that wrong so I will confirm. I will still provide this even if it’s not a CSA requirement.

If it is not a CSA requirement why on earth would you give money to ex ? If you.want to give it to your son - give it to your son , what does she have.to do with it ?

duchy

It is a requirement.
A level ,level courses up to 20 but any higher level course eg uni it stops .

duchy

I wonder if you already have a court date if the court would reject an application for an interim hearing on the basis that you already have an imminent date ?

gonzo127

JackRS wrote: »

Well it's a long way back but I originally was paying 1000 plus car but her solicitor issued a maintenance pending suit court summons. So I was advised to increase it to 1150 to avoid the case and the fees of around £4K...

So up to now been paying 1150 as voluntary maintenance so when I reduce it to CSA it's going to get nasty even though she still gets the car. Need to work on wording the email and explaining to my daughter what I'm doing and why.

the two bits i have highlighted are what sticks out to me, this could be used to set a precedent for continued spousal maintenance, which is why i would suggest starting to reduce it before it gets to court, the 5% i suggested was just a number i picked out of the air, so could be higher, but it equals under £60 a month reduction, and it is something i would really consider doing to at least 'reduce' the precedent,

and if you do as suggested and make it as a transfer from maintenance to ex to money to children, and explain that if ex demands the money goes directly to her, then the money to the children will have to stop, and this could hurt her in the long run as the kids will see it that she is taking money from them not you - if it is explained to them what you are doing of course!

I would probably sell it under the guise of,

Now your children are adults, you are going to change the maintenance arrangements so that you give money directly to them to allow them, so that they can be more independent and be able to make choices themselves on how it is used. Especially as they now do not live with their mother, they therefore do not get the full benefit of this maintenance. To this end you will therefore reduce the voluntary maintenance to ex by x% a month, which will be then directed to children’s bank accounts as a 50/50 split of the amount each, each month.

JackRS

Ames wrote: »

I think the comments about the solicitor telling Jack to read the CSA website are a bit harsh. I think she's just trying to save him money - he can read it himself for free, or she can summarise it for him and bill him accordingly.

To me her latest message seems to be saying 'I can't tell you to stop paying maintenance because if it goes wrong you can come back at me, but it's what I think you should be doing'.

I like Gonzo's idea of cutting maintenance gradually, although I'd go at more than 5% a month.

Also, what do you mean by paying your daughter a 'nominal' amount? To me that indicates a small token payment, which I think is a little harsh on her. Obviously I'm working from the assumption that whatever you pay her comes directly off what you're paying ex, not suggesting it should be a cost on top of everything else!

Thank you for your comments and views, they are as ever much appreciated. I agree, I think my solicitor is supporting my suggestion but obviously has to warn me of the possible consequences.

For the record I want to support my daughter to become independent so for me that means that helping her as I feel fit.

You’ll remember I covered the cost of her driving lessons so she now has that in the bag. I recognised that as a student in London it was important for her to have a good smart phone with unlimited calls and text so I set that up with her from her account to help build her credit rating. I’ve agreed to pay her the monthly amount each month for a year and I paid the insurances for the phone using MSE recommended policy! I’ve offered to provide any additional items she may need for living as I have some things spare that people given me. I’ve assured her that I would help her if she is short or struggles to get a job. However I don’t want to say I will give you x amount each month.

Additionally I have obviously offered to be there whenever she needs and suggested coming to see her as regularly as she can fit me into her social calendar. So this may seem harsh to some but it’s what I believe appropriate to help her move on and find a fulfilling life and more importantly just what I want to do because I love her.