Separated, how much should I provide?

RAS

mgdavid wrote: »

especially as under the new rules the CSA for your two is now NIL.

Son is still eligible for support

under 20 and in full-time education (but not higher than A Level or equivalent)

RAS

JackRS

Slept on this.

My thoughts are:

You need the court date you have requested before you do anything. That should render any interim court case irrelevent. Might be worth asking on the forum on wikidivorce?

Taking out a loan to pay off the card debt over 1 year @ £1000+ could be considered unneccesarily expensive? How much would it cost to cover this over 2 years?

Use the wrecked credit rating (at least in part because of MrsJRS decision to remove you from the electoral roll) and the loan as the trigger for changes, combined with the failure of mediation. Simply cannot afford to carry on....... additional costs of finding new accomodation as well.

When can the car be returned without penalty? Can it be traded down?

Suggest to ex that one solution to the accomodation problem would be that you moved back in until the sale comes through?

I would be inclined to pay CSA for son, essential bills for house (building insurance etc) Plus the equivalant to JSA (£73 per week I think). She can trade down the car and have a bit extra or not........

Mojisola

RAS wrote: »

Son is still eligible for support

But he's living with his grandparents. Shouldn't they be claiming the CB and getting the child support from Jack?

RAS

Mojisola wrote: »

But he's living with his grandparents. Shouldn't they be claiming the CB and getting the child support from Jack?

Agreed with this under the rules but Jack has been paying ex for the last year so would need to justify any change. Based on what Jack has said previously, GPs might not actually be entitled to CB on income grounds.

Sending son south was not a reasonable decision based on DD's need to finish course locally but madam needed to create as much chaos as possible at that stage.

Given how much ex has manipulated the kids to cause additional expence, I would want to keep powder dry until DD is tuck up in uni.

There really really is no reason why ex needs to move to south other than being close to parents.

Son has friends where he was at school and college and does not want to live with GPs. Course will finish in 9 months and he may even want to move back up there. The only draw down south would be his part-time job?

DD will be at Uni and could return to either south or original home (probably her preferred option as her friends will be there) in vacations.

I actually think that madam will try to extract as much equity from the financial settlement as possible and that GPs could then rock up with capital to buy out Jack so that she remains in the house?

Mojisola

RAS wrote: »

Agreed with this under the rules but Jack has been paying ex for the last year so would need to justify any change. Based on what Jack has said previously, GPs might not actually be entitled to CB on income grounds.

But it's another point to bring out to show how unreasonable the ex's demands have been. Unless she can show that she has been paying the CB and the son's CM over to her parents, she's been living off her son's maintenance.

If she isn't sending money to her parents for the son or buying things for him, she's been committing benefit fraud by continuing to claim the CB.

RAS

Given what she listed as the monthly CT bill, she may be committing benefit fraud anyway. Claiming spousal maintenance at this level (including the value of the car) would pretty much exclude her getting benefits, I would have thought?

FBaby

My only concern is for my children, I know ex mrs JackRS will be fine, I just want no ties or contact with her.

I understand this and you are a wonderful dad, but risking having to pay spousal maintenance forever, which might at some stage limit what you can give yourself AND your children in the future will not help them.

What if one day, one of them ask you if you could help with a deposit for their dream house. It is totally reasonable, they have saved well, but just need that little extra help, but you can't afford it, because you still have to pay their mum.... who might have told them to get lost or worse to come to you to ask!

What I meant to say about responsibility is that psychological hold that you seem to have that lets guilt affect your decision rather than thinking of you and your future with your children.

ampersand

Didn't ex supply Bank statements 2 mediation mtgs ago? Then, we saw them being used to support her 'lifestyle essentials'.

CB tfrs to gp's would show there if ever they occurred. They can't be re-written now.
#
ames - re: 'I think the comments about the solicitor telling Jack to read the CSA website are a bit harsh. I think she's just trying to save him money - he can read it himself for free, or she can summarise it for him and bill him accordingly.'

We'll agree to differ:-)
Any decent solicitor makes client aware of sources of info., in a 'Help me to help you, by being well-informed' way at 1st interview/engagement.

Jack, when you began this Thread in April last year, RAS wrote #3, summarising then what still goes. Now with RAS #1825, it's situ essentially unchanged, excepting the steady worsening of your outlook, via ex's ludicrous increasing demands and indifferent 'mediation' i.e. no actual progress.

But it's cost you dearly in the meantime, not just financially.

Again, you will be in my thoughts this w/e and I hope you will make sure of some me-time for Jack.

Next month, you have been 2 years apart. Everyone has moved on but ex.

You write strongly, reasonably and with love about your children. They will know this is so.

'Jack is a good and decent man' - it just needs a Judge to act on this now.

JackRS

FBaby wrote: »

I understand this and you are a wonderful dad, but risking having to pay spousal maintenance forever, which might at some stage limit what you can give yourself AND your children in the future will not help them.

What if one day, one of them ask you if you could help with a deposit for their dream house. It is totally reasonable, they have saved well, but just need that little extra help, but you can't afford it, because you still have to pay their mum.... who might have told them to get lost or worse to come to you to ask!

What I meant to say about responsibility is that psychological hold that you seem to have that lets guilt affect your decision rather than thinking of you and your future with your children.

Totally agree which why I don't want to pay maintenance for any period so have been doing what i can to stop it. I am obviously trying to reduce the risk of paying maintenance for ever by offering her a larger share of the house. Not sure what else i can do to minimise the risk of having to pay maintenance short of giving her the whole house?

RAS

JackRS wrote: »

. Not sure what else i can do to minimise the risk of having to pay maintenance short of giving her the whole house?

JackRS

She wants the whole house; plus whole life spousal maintenance. Offering the house will not make a difference

I'm not your ex so cannot second guess her motives but everything you have said suggests that she is one of those who thinks she is entitled. To everything.

Yes, what you propose allows you to get a mortgage (have you asked a whole market specialist to look at the situation with bthe deteriorating credit rating) but that is a risk at your age.

She cannot get a house down south but can locally; so any risk there is optional.

And of course everything she gets from you as SM reduces the amount she can claim if she needs it.