Separated, how much should I provide?

quidsy

Rest assured I am reviewing my approach with my solicitor.

Always wise, I do agree about tightening the screws a bit though, things like suggesting the addition of all future inheritence being split 50/50 might make her focus a bit more long term, if she is as you say, in line for a large inheritence or 2 she might be more willing to agree a more even split for you to recind all rights to them.

I'd also be thinking of taking the car back, say you need it for work or that you can't afford it plus pay for the solicitor & mediator bills.

Just a suggestion & one your solicitor couldn't argue with as a car is not a right. She has no small kids to ferry around & no job to go to that needs transport, many others survive just fine on public transport.

duchy

Let's look at this another way

Marital assets calculated
Figures produced with paperwork offering early retirement for Jack and an assumption that she will be working earning a modest £15k.
Clean break based on future income at this level plus child support at CSA rate until he is 21 or leaves further education whichever is sooner.

Even if she gets work paying more (in the SE this is entirely possible) figures stand.

I'm not saying this would be the final outcome but pointing out that early retirement is a viable possibility for this "shadow of a man" may make her realise that she could potentially be killing the golden goose and get a bit more realistic in an effort to keep you earning Jack.

It is just another scenario but bearing in mind how it is documented how your mental and physical health has suffered is one that could and should be discussed at mediation.

JackRS wrote: »

Well is that all you have to say, if only you could be a little more passionate about things

Thank you for your incite and advice ‘Erin’ Bonfire it’s very inspiring and in line with my thinking and my frustration, it’s almost like I’ve discussed it with you. The challenge I have is that the solicitors are advising me that I will be expected to pay spousal maintenance to some level due to difference in our current income even assuming she has a full time job. There are many similar examples and indeed her solicitor is advising her that she is due it for life. Obviously if she wants a greater proportion of the house then there has to be some benefit to me before I would consider giving away a large sum of cash now, not only the pension share but something that has an impact now.

If after the next mediation I see no progress to an agreement, I will stop future mediation and go down the court route, it’ll cost more in legal fees but if it looks like we’ll go that way anyway may as well go that way now.

duchy

quidsy wrote: »

Always wise, I do agree about tightening the screws a bit though, things like suggesting the addition of all future inheritence being split 50/50 might make her focus a bit more long term, if she is as you say, in line for a large inheritence or 2 she might be more willing to agree a more even split for you to recind all rights to them.

I doubt it. Nothing to stop parents changing their wills at any time . In their shoes I'd leave it all to the grand kids (or the cats home) until the finances were settled and then write a new will once Jack couldn't make a claim anymore. Jack has no rights to future inheritance anyway as they are already divorced.

quidsy

In a divorce settlement it is always worth asking the question, pretty much anything can be put in there & jackrs doesn't actually want it but it doesn't stop him putting the ideain her head. Even if wills were changed to the children, she wouldn't be getting her hands on it either.

My sister got an option on any future windfalls her ex husband may get, not that he is likely but as he left her with a child & £5 a week child support from her benfits she figured any thing he might get in future would be a way to ensure her child got what she was deprived as a child. The judge was very unimpressed with the fact that 2 days after my sister moved out of the marital home due to his unreasonable behaviour & refusal to move, he moved his potatoe headed girlfriend in, quit his job & went on sick benefit with "mental illness" and basically left my sis & her daughter high & dry. It's been 10 years, he still hasn't had a job since, so if he gets any kind of windfall she (or more rightly her daughter) will be entitled to 15%.

nicegirl

Bonfire77 wrote: »

I would like to propose that we STOP discussing the ex. Pages upon pages of pondering and hashing out what is wrong/or isn't wrong with her, numerous examples and pages of speculation....

This did make me laugh at the start of your very long post pondering over Jack's ex, Bonfire.

I have spent the last three days gradually reading this entire thread. At the start, I really couldn't imagine how it would still be being updated in August 2014 as I thought you must have it sorted by now! I hope that for both your sakes you get it sorted out soon so that you can both move on with your lives.

One thing that puzzles me though, what happened about the actuary report/court date? You had a court date set for the back of 2013 which was rescheduled while you waited for the actuary report, but then it seemed to all fizzle out. What happened there, how come it was never rescheduled?

JackRS

nicegirl wrote: »

This did make me laugh at the start of your very long post pondering over Jack's ex, Bonfire.

I have spent the last three days gradually reading this entire thread. At the start, I really couldn't imagine how it would still be being updated in August 2014 as I thought you must have it sorted by now! I hope that for both your sakes you get it sorted out soon so that you can both move on with your lives.

One thing that puzzles me though, what happened about the actuary report/court date? You had a court date set for the back of 2013 which was rescheduled while you waited for the actuary report, but then it seemed to all fizzle out. What happened there, how come it was never rescheduled?

Thanks and welcome, basically her solicitor decided at the last minute he wanted to include state pension in the actuary report this meant it missed teh date in Feb, so court hearing was to be reset and advised in August, so it's still live waiting for new date. Basically it was a delaying tactic....

duchy

I'm not sure why her solicitor thinks a delay is to her benefit.

They have a client whose spouse at the begining of this was bending over backwards to be fair in the distribution of the marital assets but the delays have meant that you are not nearly so ameanable to this now - and as your health has suffered early retirement has become a topic of interest whereas a year ago it wasn't even on the table.

The only benefit I can see to delaying everthing is to have an argument that as you have already paid spousal support for such a long time it should continue. If that is the case- then come September when she will no longer have either a child or a resident adult at home so is essentially a single adult-this amount should be reviewed and reduced as her living expenses have decreased.

Visiting her parents shouldn't be funded by you -her son is an adult away at college if she wants to visit him that is her choice and should be self funded. (arguably by provising the lease car you have already given her the means so she could provide the fuel)

There is a huge disparity in her disposable income and yours at present. This should be adjusted so her living costs versus yours (hers currently don't include a sum for rent but yours do ) are roughly on par so you both have a roughly equal amount of disposable income each month. If that calculation reduces the spousal support to a level that luxuries like £40 haircuts every month require a bit of budgeting then maybe it will encourage her to look towards employment realistically. Eg The monthly pot is x - Jacks monthly expenses are Y MrsJ's are A anything over gets split 2 ways. The things payable are different eg Jack's would include rent , both should have a leisure budget - whether that is spent on playing Squash or visits to the seaside to visit family is irrelevant .

With both children away from the marital home -which is a material change in circumstance I do think this interim support could be revised without any justified claims of unfairness.

Oh and things that are joint responsibility - like books and pocket money for the kids etc should come out of the pot first as a joint expense before the individual calculations - going back to her spreadsheet that contact lenses bill would be £40 taken out of the pot as kid's joint expenses and £20 of it as her personal living expense - as an example. Creditcard payments for lawyers fees could also come out first -perhaps an equal amount for both of you?

This gives you a realistic living expenses figure for her as a single person and gets away from the spousal payment which is currently artifically bloated with things that are joint expenses for the children or for the house, like estate agent fees.

You may end up paying out the same but it is't setting an unrealistic spousal support precedence to be used as a stick to beat you with.

I've rambled on a bit so hope what I'm getting at is clear.

Bonfire77

I would like to propose that we STOP discussing the ex. Pages upon pages of pondering....
This did make me laugh at the start of your very long post pondering over Jack's ex, Bonfire.

I know right?!! But once I got on the subject I just couldn't restrain myself!! I think her case is very very weak, and a judge will see that. I hope you have a very passionate Barrister.... If not I volunteer!

I really think the cushy car option should go....part of the 'no more Mr. Nice Guy' approach. But if you don't want to be the bad guy, you could easily get a letter written for you on Company Letterhead that says something like "From henceforth all company cars are only to be used by existing employees..." ---or something to that effect. I'm sure you're boss would sign that for you. Who cares if it's a fake, it's nothing to do with the courts or legal papers. It's just something you are giving her to be nice---for what again? If she begs to keep it as she needs a car, tell her to cover the running expenses or something.

I like the idea that if she gets a right to your future earnings and pension, then you get a right to her inheritance. After all, she is playing the "let's stay attached forever" game.

I really don't think her earning an average wage will hold up in front of a judge as being a reason that Jack has to support her for the rest of his employment days. Anyone who earns 15-18K gets help from working tax credits or tax credits. It's the governments job to help Mrs. Jack, as it does to others in her shoes.

The Judge will know of so many of these cases of men who quit earning to avoid spousal maintenance etc. (as was mentioned above re: the loser who paid 5 pounds a week and claimed benefit) --- and it will be simple for a Barrister to shred apart her demands as totally unreasonable.

She shot herself in the foot really ...silly woman... cos now in front of the judge who has all the power, she will look like she just wants to .... ok we shall not speak of the ex. But really, in order to show she needed Jack to supplement her income she should have thought (or her solicitor could have advised her) of at least trying to appear less lazy. Judges hate wealthy women who want to take their husbands to the cleaners... that's a well known fact.

OK, enough from me ha ha!
Enjoy your weekend JackaRSe

Erin

Mojisola

duchy wrote: »

I'm not sure why her solicitor thinks a delay is to her benefit.

They have a client whose spouse at the begining of this was bending over backwards to be fair in the distribution of the marital assets but the delays have meant that you are not nearly so ameanable to this now

This is undoubtably true. Jack would have been a push-over if they'd got him to sign things in the first few months.

loopyloouk

Jack

i have been following your thread since the start.

Firstly you have been so strong threw all the drama that has come your way, it proves that saying 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'.

Is there any way now that you can take early retirement or have extended sick leave due to the 'emotional' stress you are under? this would surely show the other side that you are not a cash cow :rotfl:

i will be watching for a conclusion for you