Separated, how much should I provide?

duchy

quidsy wrote: »

But is wasn't above her means a short while ago & will take her a while to deal with that & again, just becuase you are able to live a certain way, many would not wish to.

So how long is reasonable? She has had a year and a half so far and changed nothing.

quidsy

Mojisola wrote: »

But while she is still spending as she thinks she's entitled to, Jack has been getting into debt while living very frugally.

A choice he was prepared to live with when he left I presume.

quidsy

duchy wrote: »

So how long is reasonable? She has had a year and a half so far and changed nothing.

How long is a piece of string? None of you know this woman, she could be in depression over the split, she could be suffering a knock of confidence over going out to find a job & a new life.

You have one side of a story, jackrs has been very reasonable yes, but then he should be, this is the mother of his children, a women he presumably loved very much & whom he had a 20+ year relationship with.

The house, the pension all of it is "theirs" regardless of who worked for how long but as she has limited employability & as jackrs has a job she is rightly looking at her options beyond the next year.

I don't agree she should get more than is fair but fair is subjective but she shouldn't be slagged off over getting a hair cut or buying clothes imo.

CruisingSaver

I apologise to Jack if my calling his ex a 'madam' has offended him but to my mind she is acting like a madam which isn't vitriolic in the slightest, just a turn of phrase. Think of it like the grown up version of 'spoiled brat' which I see bandied around this forum like there's no tomorrow with FM's never being picked up on it.


I actually don't think the £50 per month for clothes is unreasonable but some of her other demands clearly are. I just don't get where ex-Mrs Jack is coming from at all and I don't understand her expectation that she'll be kept in the manner which she was in her marriage for ever and a day without any effort on her part.


After all if Jack and ex-Mrs had stayed together I'm sure there would have been some adjustment to their standard of living once Jack retired?


Again if her situation was different in that it was the early stages of their separation or her children were young then I'm sure some of the responses to this thread would be slightly different, but that isn't where she's at and she does need to accept the reality of her future and get on with building herself a new life.


CS

Mojisola

lucym wrote: »

Your ex will still be grieving the loss of her dreams, hopes and plans.

And Jack wasn't?

quidsy

Mojisola wrote: »

And Jack wasn't?

One has to assume he was fine with it to make the descision he did, not to mention he had plenty of time to get used to the idea before pulling the trigger, a luxury she & the kids didn't have.

quidsy

After all if Jack and ex-Mrs had stayed together I'm sure there would have been some adjustment to their standard of living once Jack retired?

Agree but this is usually a slow adjustment they would go through together, as husband & wife & to the benefit of their joint future.

Not the same as just being told, "sorry luv don't want to be with you anymore oh & btw you need to move out, get a job, cut your living costs to minimum & do it with a smile on your face too."

CruisingSaver

quidsy wrote: »

One has to assume he was fine with it to make the descision he did, not to mention he had plenty of time to get used to the idea before pulling the trigger, a luxury she & the kids didn't have.

Unnecessarily harsh IMO. Pulling the trigger? Really?? I'm sure it wasn't a decision made lightly and without a second thought as to the impact on his family.


After that post I can't believe you had the temerity to pull me up on the use of 'madam'!

quidsy

CruisingSaver wrote: »

Unnecessarily harsh IMO. Pulling the trigger? Really?? I'm sure it wasn't a decision made lightly and without a second thought as to the impact on his family.


After that post I can't believe you had the temerity to pull me up on the use of 'madam'!

It's a turn of phrase. Would you prefer dropped the axe?

CruisingSaver

quidsy wrote: »

It's a turn of phrase. Would you prefer dropped the axe?

Oh right so you can use a turn of phrase but others are jumped on for doing the same? I getcha!


Obviously Jack's situation has touched a raw nerve with you, hence the reason your responses are framed as they are. However, I have no wish to derail Jack's thread so will wish him good luck and a timely resolution.


CS