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Separated, how much should I provide?
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. She couldn’t understand why I couldn’t continue to pay spousal maintenance as it was my responsibility due to the length of the marriage and her low earning potential. So we agreed that we would need to go through mediation to resolve our differences, but she pointed out that we would need to show our reasonable costs for living and this would demonstrate that I would have spare earnings to pay for her needs. I managed to stay in control and walk away, clearly I feel angry about her claims and having to create outgoings list again and have to justify.
Has this woman missed the spice girls and beyonce - where's her independent girl power spirit? Sorry Jack maybe you should recommend counselling for her - she needs to realise one part of her life is over and that a new exciting life is what SHE makes part is beginning.
Having said that your meeting sounds like she has realised the lawyers will take their cut of everything and is ready to come to a compromise.0 -
Dear Jack - I'm back from EnZed and beloved Uncle's 90th b'day, saved for over 2 years from OAP, which your ex needs sharp Skills course in and I would not let her out of detention/gruel/water until she damned well applied herself and faced up to The NOW of Things, as you have, over and over and over again.
I have not commented since my rtn, but wish to now[away for fortnight on smell of oily rag tonight, sleeping in car probably;), across the Ditch for Bastille Day]
Catapa - would you kindly do jack the courtesy of READING THE ENTIRE THREAD BEFORE COMMENTING. He is too decent to suggest this. so I will.
Jack, I am glad to see you showing backbone beyond your customary integrity and decency during last night's mtg. Just keep your anger healthy, not debilitating and physically and mentally injurious to you. This still a worry for many of us.
I hope that you are either recording your discussion, or at least setting out bullet points of matters discussed, whether or not agreed, then initialled by both of you. This is why a 3rd person/intermediary - yes, mediator perhaps - is a wise presence.
Odd as you may find it, an unreasonable person tends to wish to appear otherwise before a 3rd party; it can be very, very useful.
Remember that this Thread can be a useful b/g tool for someone at a later stage.
Those persons, like us, might well wonder why on Earth her wealthy parents aren't helping their daughter, if she is so critically placed and helpless re:earning.
How dare ex assume her choice of location has precedence over all reality checks? 'She wants to move south '
I'd love to demand of her whether her wealthy parents' no-input attitude is correct. If so, I'd then love to say, so be it for Jack. But we know you are not like this Jack, that you are working, somehow keeping your ship afloat and the rest of your leaden corks family.
Don't let them drag you down. This is why your anger cheered me, but not at the cost of making you ill. About you - you've mentioned the need to move for some time. I hope storage expenses won't be a cost factor, Thus gumment's policies mean rents are rocketing in many areas. We don't know how things are in yours: do not include giveaway details here.
So many of us would be judicious, fair, courteous, sane rottweilers for you, ensuring that decent, untramelled relations with children remained possible too.
We're on page 34 Jack.........CAP[UK]for FREE EXPERT DEBT &BUDGET HELP:
01274 760721, freephone0800 328 0006'People don't want much. They want: "Someone to love, somewhere to live, somewhere to work and something to hope for."
Norman Kirk, NZLP- Prime Minister, 1972
***JE SUIS CHARLIE***
'It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere' François-Marie AROUET
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So now she *only* wants 80% of the equity in the house- 20% of your pension and spousal maintenance til you or she dies ?
No-one is forcing her to move to the most expensive part of the country for property-and if she's "too ill" to consider all but the cushiest of jobs then perhaps she should be claiming ESA on mental health grounds rather than JSA with the common people at the Job Centre (sorry but she's getting up my nose with her attitude now).
Over a year has passed which is more than enough time for anyone without health issues mental or otherwise to have made new plans -she's just milking it now. She's now asking not to maintain her lifestyle as it was but to improve upon it - with a home in such an expensive area. It's also debatable that a three bedroom home is required as she (and you) only have a short time you will be legally liable to support the kids.
I think you need a new (and preferably female ) solicitor .I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole
MSE Florida wedding .....no problem0 -
'[STRIKE]I think [/STRIKE]you need a new [STRIKE](and preferably [/STRIKE]female [STRIKE])[/STRIKE] solicitor .'
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Exactly, duchy....what many of us have urged for months now.
It's exactly the way Thatcher first played men in opposition and the Opposition. until they wised up and surgically removed her, like the life-threatening tumour she was.CAP[UK]for FREE EXPERT DEBT &BUDGET HELP:
01274 760721, freephone0800 328 0006'People don't want much. They want: "Someone to love, somewhere to live, somewhere to work and something to hope for."
Norman Kirk, NZLP- Prime Minister, 1972
***JE SUIS CHARLIE***
'It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere' François-Marie AROUET
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So now she *only* wants 80% of the equity in the house- 20% of your pension and spousal maintenance til you or she dies ?
No-one is forcing her to move to the most expensive part of the country for property-and if she's "too ill" to consider all but the cushiest of jobs then perhaps she should be claiming ESA on mental health grounds rather than JSA with the common people at the Job Centre (sorry but she's getting up my nose with her attitude now).
Over a year has passed which is more than enough time for anyone without health issues mental or otherwise to have made new plans -she's just milking it now. She's now asking not to maintain her lifestyle as it was but to improve upon it - with a home in such an expensive area. It's also debatable that a three bedroom home is required as she (and you) only have a short time you will be legally liable to support the kids.
I think you need a new (and preferably female ) solicitor .
Thanks, my Brethertons solicitor is female, but I’m trying to not involve her so much at the moment as it just generate bills, got another one this month to pay £225 for emails letters and phone calls. I will share with her the key points of discussion and ask for guidance about what is reasonable in terms spousal maintenance. A number of people are advising me that I would be better to hold onto my pension and give up the house, but I’m thinking about the now, it would be better to have more from the house to help me buy somewhere.Regards
JackRS0 -
Yes a pension is jam tomorrow - but if you don't have enough to live on now -it's a questionable decision....... none of us know what life has in store for us further down the road. You could live a restricted life anticipating a nicer life at retirement and then not have the life or health to enjoy it.
(Sorry that sounds awfully gloomy I'll put an edit below)
You could live a restricted life anticipating a nicer life at retirement and then not have the life or health to enjoy it............or meet a heiress tomorrow and not need the pension !!I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole
MSE Florida wedding .....no problem0 -
She wants to move south and needs at least £240K to get somewhere in the south close to her parents. This means if we can get £300k she wants 80% of the house but understands that I would keep the majority of my pension to compensate (around 80% of it).
Tough - if she stayed in your area then she would be able to buy a property for less than if she moved south.
It is her choice to move south and to remove your children from close contact, not yours.
The split on the house should be based on what she would need if she stayed in the area.
As for the mortgage, remind her of the new affordability rules; every penny you pay her in maintenance reduces your capacity to obtain credit. She has already wrecked your credit ratingby removing you from the electoral roll, if I recall rightly?I mentioned that she was not maximising her income and missing out by not applying for JSA, She got annoyed as I’m always bringing this up and she has applied for jobs but if she went down JSA route would have to take any job they found and that she was in no fit state due to the brake up to work etc. I explained that I’ve had to continue to work every day without sleep sometimes and it’s tough, how do you think other ladies manage when they split up they have to get a job or sometime 2 to make ends meet. However her focus and tactic is to sit back and focus her energies on getting as much out of me as possible.
The trouble is that if you pay her spousal maintence she will not be allowed to claim JSA.
She is not entitled to contributions based JSA and spousal maintenance counts as income for the purposes of assessing for income-based JSA. Child maintenance is ignored.
Spousal maintence will also reduce anything she might get by the way of means-tested other benefits. She pretty much will not be entitled to anything anyway once junior leaves school.If you've have not made a mistake, you've made nothing0 -
These pages are littered with women who struggle through no fault of their own, with young children, minimal income, no maintenance payments through devious ex partners and still manage to keep their heads above water and remain independent.
Jack, your wife is a relic of the Victorian lady who took to her bed with the vapours when things didn't go her way. What a fabulous example to your daughter. And will you son also be expected to prop up his girlfriends, partners and wife?
She 'wants' to move south. Well, I want a nice shiny 4 x 4, a holiday home in the sun, 10 years knocking off my age and the figure I had 20 years ago. None are likely to happen, but if they do it would be down to me (ok, not the 10 years off my age, that would just be lying). Tell her that your calculations are not to be based on what she wants - or indeed, develop your own 'want' list.
The woman is greed personified.0 -
I mentioned that she was not maximising her income and missing out by not applying for JSA, She got annoyed as I’m always bringing this up and she has applied for jobs but if she went down JSA route would have to take any job they found and that she was in no fit state due to the brake up to work etc.
I explained that I’ve had to continue to work every day without sleep sometimes and it’s tough, how do you think other ladies manage when they split up they have to get a job or sometime 2 to make ends meet.
However her focus and tactic is to sit back and focus her energies on getting as much out of me as possible.
The last sentence says it all - you've been her meal ticket throughout the marriage and she wants that to continue.0 -
The last sentence says it all - you've been her meal ticket throughout the marriage and she wants that to continue.
I agree with this last sentence 100%.
I think she needs a reality check and if her parents are as supportive as she thinks, it is time they helped her out and she stopped being a dram queen.
Jack, I hope that you can find some place in which to rest your weary head very soon. It might just be a temporary measure but I sincerely hope that VERY SOON you will have a permanent home where you can find peace and contentment.
You REALLY deserve this.0
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