Back and Feeling rather ashamed!

pania

ps not so good news re the tax. xx

Ches

I know its scary when your hair starts to thin as mine did this before I was diagnosed with an under active thyroid. Its a funny complaint and even though your tests may come back 'normal' it would be worth investigating the complaint to see if you have any other symtoms. (try a book from the library)Doctors often don't understand that whats normal for one person isn't normal for another.
As for your family, well I obviously don't know the story behind that but perhaps your OH is right although saying it like that was perhaps a bit brutal. Men do say it like it is though and perhaps we women can toughen up a bit more by trying to look at life through their eyes sometimes. If you want/feel the need to write to your Dad then do so. Who will know if you don't tell them. Its no ones business but your own after all. Any pressure on you from other members of your family should be ignored or tell them to back off. Mums don't always get it right you know.
As far as the debts are concerned, try to not worry about paying them off quickly. As long as you are making the normal payments the rest can wait. Get yourself well first then you will have the energy to make other things happen.
Forgive me if I am being presumptuous in giving my opinions. I just hate to see anyone unhappy. Hugs to you. Why not leave the rest of the work and do it first thing in the morning and try to get some sleep. Remember what Scarlet O'Hara said in Gone with the Wind 'I will worry about it tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day'. .

Ches

Just read your other post. Time to get the lippy on girl. You will feel so much better when you show the world you don't care a t...s and you can't do that without lippy.

Karmacat

Exactly what Ches just said. If you're making the normal payments the rest can wait. Unfortunately this kind of pain is sort of familiar to me, from a long time ago (uh, when I was your age...).

The pain that you're in is probably your grief, pania, for everything thats gone wrong, for all the things you've shut up inside you.

I've got to sign off, I'm falling asleep at the computer. But do the same too, get to bed, even if you just throw your clothes off and fall in as-is. Don't stay up till 2 or whatever, you need to be horizontal, you need some rest, even tho sleep might be hard to come by.

Post again in the morning, let us know how you are. I'm working on the computer at 7, will be around on mse some time after that.

xx

PS drink some water remember. You were going to put the kettle on? Any liquid inside you helps your body cope with the shock of all this coming out. Hugs to you.

redsquirrel80

pania wrote: »

ps not so good news re the tax. xx

Well, hey, it's only money, and I'm not actually going to starve! I reckon you're definitely gonna win the challenge though

Wise words from Ches & Karma, important as the debt thing is, you've got other things going on which are far more vital to work through for your own happiness and wellbeing.

pania

not presumptuous at all ches very welcome thanks.

I've put weight on lately, i've not had a period for 5 months and the hair thinning can all be sign of hypothyroidism. the blood test came back within normal range but indicated lots of deficiencies in iron, vitamins etc, especially B12 which i now know contributes towards depression, maybe thats why i'm feeling as !!!! as i am at the moment i don't know, deleted the bit about OH as shouldn't have put it out for the world to see was my fingers running away with me. But yes he is right but little does he realise he treats me like it too. He gets everything he wants and needs, even down to going to tesco 20 mins away at half past ten the other night as he fancied angel delight. If boots on other foot it wouldn't get done. My house is currently a !!!! hole as i am working so much or too exhausted to do anything the rest of the time and consequently that is making me feel even worse. I think i need some proper time off, without clients calling me, just me time that i can relax and chill. I need to go back to the docs again i think and see what else she can recommend. I dread the term A-D but if i have to i will i've taken them before so if it helps it may be the case. I just never ever thought i'd be back feeling like this again after the crap that happened 21/2 years ago, i never wanted to feel like that again and it also scares me. I remember i used to do crazy things like just get in my car and drive and my mum would phone me and ask where i was and i wouldn't have a clue. I'm no where near back to that again but need to snap out of this pretty sharpish.
My sister won't show me the letter with his address on it so have resorted to phone books and even friends reunited to see if i could find him that way, no luck so far. what if they do find out though, the effect would be cataclysmic. dad dad (the non sperm one) is having his prostate removed in 2 weeks time so they'll all have enough on their plate worrying about that without finding out their youngest has been a snake in the grass and gone behind their backs.
Yep tomorrow is another day, hopefully will be a little better than this one. See the day through at our team meeting then can head home to a hottie and dressing gown and have a cuddle. Thanks ches. xx

pania

thanks guys, eyes still leaking but you've just thrown a little smile in there too. hotel does free bottles of water so sipping one now. LOL at the lippy too ches, will try that one.
Sweetdreams karma.
Squirrel if i don't ebay something soon the finish line is all yours!

Karmacat

gnight pania
xx

redsquirrel80

pania wrote: »

thanks guys, eyes still leaking but you've just thrown a little smile in there too. hotel does free bottles of water so sipping one now. LOL at the lippy too ches, will try that one.
Sweetdreams karma.
Squirrel if i don't ebay something soon the finish line is all yours!

I'm gonna have to log off too now, but hope you get some sleep, and there's a bit more smiling tomorrow.

Night P xx

Ches

Night hun.