Please help 3 year old is biting at nursery

MortgageMamma

I would like some advice as my son who is three and a half has started biting children at nursery. The other day they were having lunch and he wanted another childs pudding. The child obviously would not give it him so he started throwing his weight around. His best friend Olivia went to give him a hug (they have been best friends since he started there aged 10 months) went to give him a hug and he sunk his teeth into her arm so hard he has cut and bruised her. I am absolutely mortified as this is the third time this weeks he has done it (he also bit another child but not as badly, and his best friend from the barn opposite us)

I really do not know why he is doing this. He gets plenty of time with me and his dad, plays out all day long at weekends and almost every night and although he can be stubborn when he doesnt get his own way he is generally a lovely kid. The other day he went into the outbuilding to get his bike and cracked one of his friends over the head with the end of the hosepipe

I'm not one of life's great disciplinarians I'm afraid, I tend to scream and shout at my kids when they have done wrong bu t I never hit them (I'm coming close at the moment) and then I feel bad for being mean and frightening them

Can someone please give me some advice on how to get him to stop hurting other kids and his siblings

thanks in advance

MortgageMamma

Dan_Thunder

1) Firmly say "No bite!" and remove the biting child offender from the situation.

2) Administer an appropriate consequence such as removal of the toy or a time-out for a biting child.

3) Lavish positive attention on the bitten toddler.

4) Use distraction between young kids and watch their interaction closely to avoid placing youngsters--especially one to be known to be a biting child--in a conflict situation.

5) Resist the temptation to bite a biting child back as a way to "show them" their wrongs. Use a positive approach instead. You don't want your toddler telling his teacher that he bites because that's what his parents do!

Mumstheword

I think the key is to know of something he really likes, and stop him from that for the rest of the day if he has bitten. The trouble with a stubborn kid is that they will pretend not to be bothered, lol! Keep an eye on him over the next few days, and see what really makes his eyes light up. That's what he loses every time he bites. With my kids, it's DS's. My mate found it worked with.....blackcurrant juice, :D:D

ChasingButterflies

Hi,

Although I know as a parent biting isn't accpetable I also know that 2 out of our 3 have gone through this "phase" - our youngest incidently is too young!

Our eldest did it once - was told off, told not to do it again had some sort of withdrawal of a treat and that was that - she never did it again.

Our boy... he was the same as your little one... tried the same tactic as with our eldest and he did not respond in the same way. We were consistent though and after what felt like a lifetime he stopped. I know it sounds daft but my opinion is that he couldn't express himself verbally and out of sheer frustraion did something to express himself and get attention at the same time... whenever our kids do something wrong we try to repremand but not make too big a thing of it otherwise they know they can get attention if they do it again.

It probably only went on for a week or two - felt like a lifetime though!

I would like to point out that in the end we withdrew him from the particular nursery where the "incidents" occured - turns out that there was a clash of personalities as the nursery put it - as opposed to his take that effectivly he was being bullied.

He started a new nursery last August and a happier boy you have not met - and in the 1st few weeks there was a biting incident - inflicted on him by the headmasters son...

I guess what I am trying to say is that don't be too hard on yourself - and maybe try to watch for a situation that he finds difficult to deal with i.e. you have a pudding that he wants and teach him how to deal with that particular situation from there.

Hope some of my rambling helps...

whatamess_2

English Mustard!!!


My eldest was a terrible biter to the extreme of drawing blood!!

I tried all sorts of tactics to try and stop him but nothing worked, he was at the point of being excluded from nursery!!!

Sheer frustration drove me to putting some mustard in his mouth, only used it twice, he never bit anyone again.

Thats obviously an extreme way to stop it, maybe a strong toothpaste?

Jet

I think you've had good advice - just wanted to say however bad it seems now - it is just a phase and just remember he won't still be biting when he's 15!

MortgageMamma

whatamess wrote: »

English Mustard!!!


My eldest was a terrible biter to the extreme of drawing blood!!

I tried all sorts of tactics to try and stop him but nothing worked, he was at the point of being excluded from nursery!!!

Sheer frustration drove me to putting some mustard in his mouth, only used it twice, he never bit anyone again.

Thats obviously an extreme way to stop it, maybe a strong toothpaste?

I doubt it would work he eats his dads pork pies with mustard on. and yes he is one of those difficult 3 year olds where nothing you take/stop them doing bothers him. All he really cares about is the here and now, not the consequences - if he's done it again tonight I'll have to think something up. Perhaps I should lock him in the dog cage for 15 mins (joke)


He is seriously pushing me to the end of my tether, I have got flu at the moment and I'm convinced he's thinking "mums not well so I'll see what I can get away with"

Just last night I was loading the tumble dryer and I heard an almighy crash and a yelp - he'd thrown the vacuum cleaner down the stairs and it had hit one of our dogs. He did it because I put him to bed early. I just thank my lucky stars the dog was ok and it wasnt one of his sisters at the bottom of the stairs

I'm close to giving up on him

Savvy_Sue

MortgageMamma wrote: »

I'm not one of life's great disciplinarians I'm afraid, I tend to scream and shout at my kids when they have done wrong bu t I never hit them (I'm coming close at the moment) and then I feel bad for being mean and frightening them

Do you know, there's a part of me which thinks that sometimes, being mean and frightening our children is not such a bad thing? Not all the time, obviously, but in my experience a good long controlled diatribe at high volume on the unacceptable nature of biting / hitting / deliberately pooing your pants / saying you're going to live with someone else's mummy / throwing the vacuum cleaner downstairs and hitting the dog may actually work ...

Gingham_Ribbon

My son is the same age. Recently, he and another boy have been pushing and shoving each other and it's developed into hitting occasionally. He's never done anything like that before and I was mortified when I was told. But both he and the boy have a brand new sibling to contend with and I think they happen to be working out their feelings on each other! They are thick as theives though and stand by the door waiting for each other before they start playing.

I think most children go through a phase of hitting or biting or something equally horrid. They need to learn social skills and I would try not to be too upset about it.

I use a reward system and it's already having amazing effects only a week and a half in. 2 jars. One with 100 pieces of pasta in, one empty. Every time a target has been broken, 5 pieces of pasta go in the empty jar from the full one. Every time he's had a good day, 10 pieces go back into the other jar. (Good/naughty jars or happy/sad jars, whatever you want to call them.) At the end of the week, if he's got more pasta in the good jar he gets to go to a soft play centre/other treat. If not, he doesn't go.

He is delighted with the jars and thinks they're really special. He knows we have a 'chat' before bed and looks forward to them. We talk about the day and how he's been and look at the pasta or move pieces if necessary. He's trying really hard and nursery noticed an immediate improvement. (Though not perfect! Who is!)

Maybe a similar system might work for you?

bonvonnie

my DS and DD have been through this stage, luckily it didnt last long, just tell them no biting, and have a little time out.

MortgageMamma - ouch about the vacuum cleaner. you have to stay strong, and when you say no, it means no. they will test your boundries

good luck

Raksha

Is there any possibility he's actually over tired? My #3 son gets a right strop on him when he's really really tired...