MSE pregnancy club II

JoJoB

People are so mean re the comments on the face! So rude! Luckily my face (normally chubby and moon-like) has actually slimmed down in pregnancy. Think this must be due not drinking and eating a farily healthy diet. That bloated feeling has gone, even if it has been replaced by a massive stomach lol.

miss_be, have you and your partner sat down and done the horrid job of writing down all your debts/outgoings yet? It is difficult to face but does help to have a clear picture of what you are up against and what sort of gameplan to put into place. There may be ways out of the situation that you haven't considered yet, maybe because they sound scary (eg bankruptcy) or you don't know about them (ivas etc). Posting up your financial situation on the debt board would be a good move because everyone ther is an expert on how to cut down on every single outgoing, from your utilities to insurance to food bill. There may be things that you have overlooked.

If after cutting down in every conceivable way you are still in a situation where your outgoings exceed your incomings then it is time to think outside the box and look at different ways of living to get yourself settled in a comfortable way. This may involve selling your house and renting for a while perhaps. If you don't own a house then it is certainly worth thinking about bankruptcy to wipe the slate clean of your debts and get yourself on your feet. You may have to be prepared to let go of things that have previously been important to you in order to embark on more of a stress-free life, and this may involve going down routes you have found difficult to contemplate in order to free yourself. Talking to a debt counsellor at the CAB would be one way of exploring your options, and certainly makes you feel a lot better once you've talked to someone who understands. They may know of other benefits you can claim too.

Don't forget - money is just a social construct, there are ways and means of manipulating your situation to your advantage. You have what is real and what is important in your relationship and your baby, no-one can take those things from you and everything else can be figured out eventually.

miss_be

Thank you so much to all of you for your help and support. It really helped me to read all these answers and work out what to do. Mostly it was good just to share how I was feeling. I'm feeling more perky today and looking at our finances OH just isn't earning enough to cover everything. He's decided to start looking for some more work, which will make things easier in the long run.

We already cook and freeze stuff and don't spend on any extravagances so trying to find other stuff to let go of is difficult as we just don't spend that sort of money. We'll sort it out somehow. I think it's that after Christmas dip where everything feels bad. Apparently yesterday is notably the worst day for feeling awful about finances!

I'll certainly post up about our finances on the debt board and see what can be done. What I love most about this site is that when it feels scary to ask for help then people give so freely of their time and knowledge without judgement or scorn. It is a nice feeling to know that there is a cyber community ready to help when its needed.

Thanks again for all of your helps. x

Bun

Glad you're feeling a bit better! It does seem that you are on your own, but I found lots of preggers people from over here on hte debt board etc so it isn't that we aren't in the same boat, but just that everything isn't bunched together in one place so you know the preggers angle but nothing else that's relevant to you. Do make sure that you are claiming all the benefits you should be though - go to www.entitledto.co.uk (I think that's it) and type in that you have bubs already and that will give you an idea. You can also go by what you think you will earn this year if it is going to be lower than last, you don't have to struggle for a year on last year's higher figures. They ignore I think a 25k rise (rather than 2.5k as it was to help them with overpayments) but will accept a noticable drop. Worth having a go. Is there anything you can sell on ebay? Try Freecycle too for baby stuff, havent used it myself but several here recommend it. Also join your local library - many have toy libraries which are also great for bulky items like baby sit in gyms etc which you can try before you buy, or just get them for a while so they then don't gather dust and take up space after the novelty has worn off.

miss_be

Thanks Bun - we are already receiving all the benefits available to us but looking at the entitled to site with a child we will get loads more money. Almost all our rent will be paid for by HB. Also as OH is self employed and his earnings were less over Christmas and New Year then we are able to have our CT and HB reassessed with his new earnings amount. In theory we should get a bit more extra help from the government.

Also with the Sure Start Grant I'm not eligible to receive it until Ember is born. Once she'd born then we will update our working tax credits to a family rate which then means we qualify for the sure start grant. Once we have the go info about our family working tax credits then we can update our housing and council tax benefit. Of course we will need to have got Ember's birth certificate to prove her birth. OH is on directions that as soon as I've popped he's off to get the birth certificate. (Of course not straight after the birth as he'll adoring his new daughter!)

I've had loads of stuff of Freecycle too. It's good if you can get the stuff in time. I've found lately that if you put about why you want the stuff then you are more likely to get it. Some people who post stuff on there give it away to the first person to reply - so I might suggest to any of you out there who do post stuff on freecycle then to give other people an opportunity to get the stuff too! There are many worthy causes out there.

There are some things that I want/need to get Ember before she's born but with no money so I wondered if any of you might have suggestions as to how to get these things or whether they are needed at the start. You might even have other suggestions or replacement ideas. I'd really appreciate any input.

* changing mat - (could use a towel over some plastic sheeting)
* changing bag - (any old bag would do surely)
* liners for inside terry nappies - ?
* nursing bras - are they totally necessary?
* cuddly toy for Ember - it would be nice but do people buy these for you?
* present for OH's daughter from Ember -
* gaffer tape (to tape up plastic sheeting for home birth)
* Nappy pins -
* nappy bin with lid -

Also with Ebay we have items to sell but we have no spare money for the postage. So are you able to sell the item, wait for the money to come through, and then post it off using that money for postage?

Anyway, thanks again for all of your input. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. x

3KIDSNOMONEY

Some good ideas Miss-be - just goes to show that you don't 'need' all the things that are sold to us as baby essentials. Good on you for trying to use reusable nappies - they must save you a fortune over the years that babies wear nappies.

Not sure that i can better any of your ideas but i have tried to think of a few of my own.

Towels/flannels - don't buy special baby ones, normal towels can be picked up cheap in Primark, Asda, etc and used by everyone eventually (if not straight away).

If you live near Ikea they sell t-towels at 19p each, decent quality too and these would work just as well as muslin squares. (wish i'd thought of this one before i spent £12 on muslins!)

Don't bother with a baby bath - waste of money and take up so much room.

Don't buy moses basket/pram blankets or sheets, just use cot ones folded (as long as you take into account that folded counts as 2 blankets).

Don't splash out on lots of baby toys - a few will do as long as they are suitable for baby's age.

With ebay you can request cheques or postal orders only and if you wait for the cheque to clear before posting you will have the money in your account. If not postal orders can be cashed instantly at the post office.


On a completely different note and bearing in mind that i have had three children before my bump was doing some really strange things when i had a bath earlier. Really hope baby hasn't decided to go breech now but it was doing some huge moves - i would have got out of the bath and got the video camera if i could have been bothered. Sorry for the long post - youngest has just started school and apart from the midwife ringing to say that my iron levels were OK i haven't spoken to another soul since 8.50 this morning.

keelykat

Hello!

I've had my pregnancy confirmed at the docs this morning, filled out forms etc and am ready to see a midwife soon because of my high bp and medication. Apparently i'll need to see the midwife mor often then usual because of this. It's feeling a bit more real now! Im 6 weeks now, but not totally sure of the due date yet.

keely.

ps-edited to add im getting my folic acid free on prescription now, every little helps.

Bun

Thanks Bun - we are already receiving all the benefits available to us but looking at the entitled to site with a child we will get loads more money. Almost all our rent will be paid for by HB. Also as OH is self employed and his earnings were less over Christmas and New Year then we are able to have our CT and HB reassessed with his new earnings amount. In theory we should get a bit more extra help from the government.

Glad this is better for you!

Also with the Sure Start Grant I'm not eligible to receive it until Ember is born. Once she'd born then we will update our working tax credits to a family rate which then means we qualify for the sure start grant. Once we have the go info about our family working tax credits then we can update our housing and council tax benefit. Of course we will need to have got Ember's birth certificate to prove her birth. OH is on directions that as soon as I've popped he's off to get the birth certificate. (Of course not straight after the birth as he'll adoring his new daughter!)

When I did ds I went on my own and had to keep calling my husband to find out where he was born etc (not to mention couldn't remember how to spell his name!) so remember to get all the info before you go!

I've had loads of stuff of Freecycle too. It's good if you can get the stuff in time. I've found lately that if you put about why you want the stuff then you are more likely to get it. Some people who post stuff on there give it away to the first person to reply - so I might suggest to any of you out there who do post stuff on freecycle then to give other people an opportunity to get the stuff too! There are many worthy causes out there.


There are some things that I want/need to get Ember before she's born but with no money so I wondered if any of you might have suggestions as to how to get these things or whether they are needed at the start. You might even have other suggestions or replacement ideas. I'd really appreciate any input.

* changing mat - (could use a towel over some plastic sheeting) - These are handy for out and about - see below
* changing bag - (any old bag would do surely) - Join the Boots Parent club - you get lots of vouchers, one of which is for a changing bag for free with the voucher - includes a changing mat as well I think. It is worth getting one as you can still be using it 3 years later. Baby mags sometimes have mats on the front too if you want to spoil yourself.

* liners for inside terry nappies - ?
* nursing bras - are they totally necessary? It is difficult to feed without as you have to undo more, (although you don't need dedicated feeding tops)and if you are out it is very difficult. 3kids may have more advice for you on this. However you could see if bubs will feed this way before buying them. Or you could modify existing (non-wired bras) with safety pins or a hook and eye or something?
* cuddly toy for Ember - it would be nice but do people buy these for you?You may be buried in them!
* present for OH's daughter from Ember - Toys R Us have a half price sale on, otherwise Wilkinson's toys are very reasonable if you don't want to go via ebay.
* gaffer tape (to tape up plastic sheeting for home birth)
* Nappy pins -
* nappy bin with lid -
I'd try Wilkinson if you have one for all these. Their baby stuff is very reasonable.

Also with Ebay we have items to sell but we have no spare money for the postage. So are you able to sell the item, wait for the money to come through, and then post it off using that money for postage? AS 3kids said, also if you have paypal just release the money to your account and then send. This may be quicker than cheques and you can do it online without physically having to cash cheques etc. I've often bought stuff where the seller has stated they do this and it's no problem.

Bun

keelykat wrote: »

Hello!

I've had my pregnancy confirmed at the docs this morning, filled out forms etc and am ready to see a midwife soon because of my high bp and medication. Apparently i'll need to see the midwife mor often then usual because of this. It's feeling a bit more real now! Im 6 weeks now, but not totally sure of the due date yet.

keely.

ps-edited to add im getting my folic acid free on prescription now, every little helps.

Congratulations! I think it's great to see your midwife more often, better to have more help than you need than trying to get extra appointments, as some of us have found out.

3kids - my babycentre email came round saying that I wouldn't feel much movement from now on as no room etc. Nobody told Bubs - it's like the six nations rugby tournament in there (with foot!). My stomach actually leans towards ds to listen if he's standing on one side talking to it, and the bath shapes are really funny. What's with triangular?

dougggie

3Kids - just had my 34 (+2) checkup and midwife says I'm "normal" (little does she know )
My measurements are just below the top of the graph in my notes (does everyone get this graph plotting chart or depend on region?) and she wouldn't commit to what "normal" actually was, so don't think you have anything to worry about with your bump.
If it's any consolation, I got told by my team mate that I was looking huge today. Think that's just as bad as being told your bump is small, and I really think it depends on what you wear and what position the baby is in.

Mine's firmly head down, not engaged but hovering over the pelvis. I reckon he likes bouncing in and out just to make me need the toilet more :rotfl:

Oh, and all the community midwives now appear to have heard about me and my hypnobirthing as I get asked questions about it from all of them!

JoJoB

Hypnobirthing? is this self-hypnosis or will you have a hypnotist in there with you?