Opinions on RSVPs to events.

notanewuser

LEJC wrote: »

Save the dates are a little different than an rsvp....they are usually sent out quite a while before the event and certainly before the main invite....its just an indication that the person would really like you to know that you are going to be invited nearer the time...

Generally nowadays brides and grooms send them maybe a year before the wedding to those guests who they would like to invite to the whole day,but probably live some distance from the venue and may appreciate the extra "heads up" so that they can arrange accomodation in order to attend

The main invite will still probably only go out about 8-12 weeks before the event and then you will probably formally rsvp to this one...

Hope ive explained it in an understandable way!

I understand what they're for - we had them ourselves 10 years ago.

They make a point of asking us to tell them whether we intend to go. I think they should either have left that out, or given more info about where it would be! I wonder how many of their guests will be declining once they find out where it is, and how many wont have hotel rooms etc. When everybody is going to have to travel a long way, and most a very long way, surely you should give them some information before they block the date out in their diary. We're looking at £200+ in fuel just to get there.

Just seems a bit thoughtless to me.

katie1812

I always reply in good time. It's very rude not to RSVP I think.
When you're organising something you need to know the numbers so you can organise catering, seating etc. I know from when planning my wedding. Everytime I received an RSVP it was someone else I could tick off, and everybody replied by the deadline. I wouldn't have chased them. They were given plenty of time. So if you don't RSVP then most likely they will presume you're no attending, but a bit of courtesy in replying would be nice I think.

LEJC

notanewuser wrote: »

I understand what they're for - we had them ourselves 10 years ago.


Just seems a bit thoughtless to me.

Appologies...I thought you hadnt come across save the dates before...

At least you are being told of the event...Ive posted on another thread today about a wedding that no one thought I would like to know about...and whilst I diidnt expect an invite I do feel a little sad I wasnt told about it.

notanewuser

LEJC wrote: »

Appologies...I thought you hadnt come across save the dates before...

At least you are being told of the event...Ive posted on another thread today about a wedding that no one thought I would like to know about...and whilst I diidnt expect an invite I do feel a little sad I wasnt told about it.

Sorry to hear that. Hope you're not too upset.

LEJC

notanewuser wrote: »

Sorry to hear that. Hope you're not too upset.

As I said in the title of the thread...at least ive saved money on a present and a new outfit...!!

thegirlintheattic

notanewuser wrote: »

I understand what they're for - we had them ourselves 10 years ago.

They make a point of asking us to tell them whether we intend to go. I think they should either have left that out, or given more info about where it would be! I wonder how many of their guests will be declining once they find out where it is, and how many wont have hotel rooms etc. When everybody is going to have to travel a long way, and most a very long way, surely you should give them some information before they block the date out in their diary. We're looking at £200+ in fuel just to get there.

Just seems a bit thoughtless to me.

I agree, save the dates - should be just that.

74jax

Our wedding invitations were just emails and we asked for people to let us know if they could come by a certain date. So not a general yes/no if you see what I mean - if they couldn't come they didn't need to let us know.

The date has just come and we've just taken those who didn't reply as a no, no need to chase up as if they were coming they'd know to let us know.

I do always rsvp, however I tend to do it verbally, I don't buy a card to reply.

geoffky

It is very rude not to reply..And those who have forgot..Well they must not of been that excited to come..So sod them...

jackyann

I agree that it is rude not to reply, and I am assuming you know the people, and would know if there were issues about understanding RSVP, worrying about what to wear or what is expected of them. Any of these issues can be a reason - although IMHO not a reason for not contacting you to ask.

However, I would add that I once did some work in a team drawn from many different backgrounds - and some were not well educated either at home / school / or within their community; and some were from varied cultural backgrounds. One of the managers invited everyone to her "big birthday" do - and as I would expect, put RSVP.
Several of the team approached me: they had asked each other what RSVP meant, but when they found out, worried that meant it would be "posh" with expectations about dress (even though it said "smart casual"). Many were used to very informal get-togethers, arranged at the last minute, everyone contributing something, passing the bucket around to buy drinks etc. They felt intimidated by anything that said "RSVP" and worried that if they had visitors, could they bring them along, for example? What gift oir contribution was expected etc.etc. We sorted it out, and felt that we all learned from it.

I contrasted this to the first time I saw an invitation with RSVP on it - I had just learned to read and was reading the invitation to my uncle's wedding. When my mother explained, I felt we were as good as what my great-grandmother called "the quality", and I felt excited!

geoffky

jackyann wrote: »

I agree that it is rude not to reply, and I am assuming you know the people, and would know if there were issues about understanding RSVP, worrying about what to wear or what is expected of them. Any of these issues can be a reason - although IMHO not a reason for not contacting you to ask.

However, I would add that I once did some work in a team drawn from many different backgrounds - and some were not well educated either at home / school / or within their community; and some were from varied cultural backgrounds. One of the managers invited everyone to her "big birthday" do - and as I would expect, put RSVP.
Several of the team approached me: they had asked each other what RSVP meant, but when they found out, worried that meant it would be "posh" with expectations about dress (even though it said "smart casual"). Many were used to very informal get-togethers, arranged at the last minute, everyone contributing something, passing the bucket around to buy drinks etc. They felt intimidated by anything that said "RSVP" and worried that if they had visitors, could they bring them along, for example? What gift oir contribution was expected etc.etc. We sorted it out, and felt that we all learned from it.

I contrasted this to the first time I saw an invitation with RSVP on it - I had just learned to read and was reading the invitation to my uncle's wedding. When my mother explained, I felt we were as good as what my great-grandmother called "the quality", and I felt excited!

What a load of nonsense...
Manners are not class based and nor are they a sign of educational achievement...
As you have so eloquently proved...