Opinions on RSVPs to events.

thegirlintheattic

I think it's rude not to reply but do get frustrated at people who put a date but then bug before hand.

I usually reply well before the date but not immediately, as we often don't know if we'll be available at the time (before anyone jumps on us, we have a regular commitment but don't get the dates we're needed until 2 months before). We recently received an wedding invitation with a RSVP of September, within 2 weeks we had a phone call asking if we were going and could with RSVP ASAP - why put September if you want to know now!

londonsurrey

- not everyone knows what RSVP means

- people can be tardy

- if they don't matter enough for me to chase them up, I'd think twice about bothering to have them at the party anyhow

persa

I'll RSVP by the given deadline, but probably not before.

If that's too late for you, make the deadline earlier!

Lagoon

We're getting married soon, and struggling to find how many people are coming to the wedding! Various people haven't responded, but if we don't get replies very soon then we'll have to assume they're not coming. We can't afford to pay for people that don't show up, and we don't want to sort out a table plan and end up with empty seats. No idea what we'll do if these people show up.

The same for my hen party. Sent out a message on Facebook. I know who's seen it, and I know who has left the group message without giving a response either way. I'm trying to book a table but you can't do that without numbers. So, I send out an ultimatum on Friday morning. I'm booking for everyone that's replied by Monday.

We can't wait around forever - there has to be a point where we draw a line and say 'you haven't replied, you can't come'.

bexiboo92

Lagoon wrote: »

We're getting married soon, and struggling to find how many people are coming to the wedding! Various people haven't responded, but if we don't get replies very soon then we'll have to assume they're not coming. We can't afford to pay for people that don't show up, and we don't want to sort out a table plan and end up with empty seats. No idea what we'll do if these people show up.

The same for my hen party. Sent out a message on Facebook. I know who's seen it, and I know who has left the group message without giving a response either way. I'm trying to book a table but you can't do that without numbers. So, I send out an ultimatum on Friday morning. I'm booking for everyone that's replied by Monday.

We can't wait around forever - there has to be a point where we draw a line and say 'you haven't replied, you can't come'.

Isn't Facebook the devil!?

All the ones who haven't replied to me (makes it worse they're all family) have seen the message and it'll show me they've commented on others stuff or are online

ellay864

persa wrote: »

I'll RSVP by the given deadline, but probably not before.

If that's too late for you, make the deadline earlier!

Agree with this - I think it's really rude to not reply by the requested date, but hate being chased up in the intervening time. I appreciate that your wedding/christening/birthday party is the biggest thing happening in your life but it may not be in mine - I have kids/elderly parents/holidays/work to consider and may not know that quickly.
Have also been on the receiving end of annoying guests when we were planning our wedding. One couple had told us in person they would be coming with their young son and we had met with them and given them early notice as they live a long way away. But when we sent the official invites out we heard nothing back, and more worryingly they hadn't contacted as they'd said they would regarding sorting accommodation out. I was sending messages like mad before finally managing to get through on a work mobile and to be told there was no way they could make it now...this was 2 weeks before the wedding :mad: I can totally understand why people might want to be strong enough to say 'if you don't reply you won't be welcome' - wish I'd done that now!

bexiboo92

ellay864 wrote: »

Agree with this - I think it's really rude to not reply by the requested date, but hate being chased up in the intervening time.

Oh yeah, I wouldn't chase people before the date given on the invite. But after the date given and sending a quick reminder message via a thing like Facebook which you know they use practically daily. I just can't get over the rudeness of some people.

notanewuser

We had a "Save The Date" poem card in December from a life long friend of DH's for October. They ask us to let them know whether intend to go (no RSVP date). No details about location. He's from Yorkshire, she's from East Anglia so I thought it would likely be one of those areas. Nope - it's in the Scottish Borders. Fair enough.

The hotels in the area are all showing full that weekend already, I don't know whether DD is invited or not (which affects whether we'll both be able to go and what sort of hotel room we need etc).

No invite as yet, and I wouldn't expect one this early, but its starting to bug me already!!

notanewuser

I always RSVP in plenty of time and think it incredibly rude when others don't.

LEJC

notanewuser wrote: »

We had a "Save The Date" poem card in December from a life long friend of DH's for October. They ask us to let them know whether intend to go (no RSVP date). No details about location. He's from Yorkshire, she's from East Anglia so I thought it would likely be one of those areas. Nope - it's in the Scottish Borders. Fair enough.

The hotels in the area are all showing full that weekend already, I don't know whether DD is invited or not (which affects whether we'll both be able to go and what sort of hotel room we need etc).

No invite as yet, and I wouldn't expect one this early, but its starting to bug me already!!

Save the dates are a little different than an rsvp....they are usually sent out quite a while before the event and certainly before the main invite....its just an indication that the person would really like you to know that you are going to be invited nearer the time...

Generally nowadays brides and grooms send them maybe a year before the wedding to those guests who they would like to invite to the whole day,but probably live some distance from the venue and may appreciate the extra "heads up" so that they can arrange accomodation in order to attend

The main invite will still probably only go out about 8-12 weeks before the event and then you will probably formally rsvp to this one...

You might want to ask about the inclusion of your DD for the day...some people specifically address the save the date or invite to whoever its intended for so if it just says Mr and Mrs,that might indicate that they are hoping that you will have enough time to find someone to look after dd if she isnt invited...its all a little bit of a minefield im afraid!

Hope ive explained it in an understandable way!