Depression II

blinky

slowlyfading wrote: »

Evening everyone
I'm in such a bad mood. I'm sat with four razor blades on my desk, toying with the idea. I've just had such a bad day. a hug would be appreciated.
sf x

Don't do it hun
It will get better but it will take time
There is a light at the end of the tunnel (unless someones nicked the bulb )
There will be setbacks on the road to recovery - don't be disheartened by them.
You are a wonderful person, with a lot to offer this world. Please remember this.
Hugs for you

slowlyfading

geminilady wrote: »

((((((HUG)))))) SF,please try not to use the razor blades you know you will regret it.You have been doing so well lately.Would you like to talk about your bad day?

Thanks. its just one thing after another, it just gets too much. I'm so fed up of being me - I'm just not good enough.

slowlyfading

blinky wrote: »

Don't do it hun
It will get better but it will take time
There is a light at the end of the tunnel (unless someones nicked the bulb )
There will be setbacks on the road to recovery - don't be disheartened by them.
You are a wonderful person, with a lot to offer this world. Please remember this.
Hugs for you

Thank you, I'm just fed up. x

geminilady

slowlyfading wrote: »

Thanks. its just one thing after another, it just gets too much. I'm so fed up of being me - I'm just not good enough.

OF COURSE YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH,YOU ARE A SPECIAL PERSON AND A VALUED MEMBER OF THIS BOARD.I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER WE ALL FEEL LIKE THAT SOMETIMES.kEEP TELLING YOURSELF THINGS WILL GET BETTER.yOU HAVE BEEN DOING SO WELL NOT SF'ING I DON'T WANT YOU TO RELAPSE AND YOU KNOW DEEP DOWN IT DOES NOT SOLVE ANYTHING

Sugar_Coated_Owl

geminilady, (((HUGS))) I know it must be really difficult for you. It's hard to move on and meet other people when our heart is saying something different. You've just got to be strong and as you suggested, distance yourself from him. The less contact you have with him the easier it will be to move on. It's not going to happen over night but in time it will. Remember we are all here to support you (((HUGS)))

Tulip, :hello: I'm glad to hear you've had a good day. I've just watched Katie and Peter, I expect you have too. Hope you are feeling OK.

rose07, It sounds very chaotic in rosie world atm. Although it does sound like you've been having a great time :j

I'm glad you enjoyed yourself when you went to see the Sugababes

Is Matt Willis the guy that used to be in Busted? I think he was in the jungle too.

andipandi, How are you feeling? At least being busy is keeping your mind occupied. Are you doing all the work by yourself? Do you have anyone that could help you?

slowlyfading, (((HUGS))) I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling really low tonight. What has happened to make you feel this way?

Hun, you are a lovely person and so many people care about you. Please don't forget that.

Tulip

slowlyfading wrote: »

Evening everyone
I'm in such a bad mood. I'm sat with four razor blades on my desk, toying with the idea. I've just had such a bad day. a hug would be appreciated.
sf x

here is a big hug SF *hugs* I know its tempting but please dont do anything will you? Chat to us if you need to and get it off your chest

lots of love and light,

Katie xxx

Tulip

:hello: RBK,


Yes I am fine thank you ,I have just watched Katie and Peter the Next Chapter,it was brillient tonight,A week tomorrow I see Katie in person:eek: thats if baby doesnt arrive first.I will miss my Thursday nights programmes about Katie and Peter until July 5th at 9pm when she would have had the baby and talking about the birth etc,that one will be so exciting to watch.Wasnt the scan good though? Hope you are ok and that you have had a nice evening.

lots of love and light,

Katie xxx

Tiff_2

Hi goldie!:hello:
hun! Sorry it's taken so long for me to post to you angel. As you'll already know goldie, the guys here will make you feel at right at home.:A
quote=imported_goldie;Not posted here before but have beenreading thisthread for along time. You all seem to knoweach other so well so feel in a way i am intruding.
You're more than welcome angel - as are any lurkers/readers.;) There's a wealth of support and information to be found here goldie. We were all new once hun - why I remember way back when I was but a kitten here...:D
I am suffering from depression big time and just feel so lonely. I dont see anyone from one day to the next and part of me likes it that way as i dont have to face anyone but i also feel lonely. I have a hearing loss, social phobia and depression so asyou can imagine I dont really like going out much.
I can understand how you must feel angel. Depression and isolation can be best friends and as you say time just slips away. I'm recovering from agoraphobia amongst other things and the first thing we do when we're hurting, is to isolate ourselves and friends and family seem to fall away.
At times, we like this because there's no pressure to deal with from others or to let them see how we're affected by depression or to have to explain everything. But the price for this is loneliness hun.:o
I just "get through" each day but when i see my sister (shehas4 kids and lotsof grandchildren) and she tellsme shehas been staying at one of her kidsovernight, had a great time etc., I feel even more depressed and very jealous. I am in my mid 50's and suddenly find myself with no friends/no social life.
Of course you feel that way hun! You don't want to hear how great someone else's life is all the time when you feel your life has fallen apart. It's understandable for you to feel that way goldie. Don't worry about your age sweetie, if you read through the pages, you'll see most of has added their age to their problem list. Whether you're 19, 30, 42 (:eek: ) or 60, depression isn't fussy and treats us all the same way.;)
My sister who i thought i was close to, when i really look at it, only comesround when she has aproblem. When all iswell with her shedoesnt comeround but has all her family to visit and go out for mealswith. I dont talk to her about my depression but she knows i dont go out so must know how hurtful it iswhen she goes on and on about the lovely time she hashad going for a meal with her kids.
Yes, sometimes we become sitting targets hun and we can feel there's no escape from people coming to overload us with their own problems. But, our views can sometimes be a little out of perspective when we have depression angel. eg...Happy visits - maybe she thinks it will cheer you up hearing her news, or she's trying to distract you from your own problems or she's trying to make you feel involved or she's just sharing with her sister. Sad visits - maybe she comes to you because she trusts you or because she feels close to you or knows that you'll probably have all the answers or just wants a good moan like everybody does now and then. Have I made all that as clear as mud angel?:rolleyes: Regardless, it's not so much about her intentions but more importantly, how you feel.
May I ask why you don't talk about your depression with her angel? Not meaning to pry hun.
How can you be sure she knows exactly how low you're feeling if you're not telling her goldie? If we assume things to be completely true without having the proof that it is that way, it's called mind-reading in therapy circles. Because we feel so low, we tend to make more negative statements and we believe them. That's not to say you're wrong hun,;) but ask yourself how much does she actually know?
So let's get practical angel...
It would be a great idea for you to go and see your gp hun. It seems as though you need more support and also maybe access to more help. It may also be worth speaking to someone in Adult Social Services. Both of these options have a gateway to medical and community resources goldie and can help.
Just because you have mental ill health issues, does not mean that you should not, and cannot, be happy. There will be people who can work with you at your own pace, so that you make the decisions with them to improve your social life to a point that you feel comfortable with.
As I know from my own experience angel, the world is not going to come knocking at your door.:o You have to go out and make your life the way you want it to be and you can do that with some help. And it's one step at a time hun - don't make a Tiff mistake :rolleyes:, and try and climb whole mountain ranges at once! It'll feel strange and it will take time and effort and there may well be little lapses, but the rewards for all this will be wonderful goldie.
Sorry to go on but just feeling so very v ery low right now./quote
Nothing to be sorry for goldie. I can understand why you feel the way you do hun. When your world consists of only the brick walls you live within, life becomes very lonely. You need and deserve some more support angel and then you can get to the point where you won't be in when people come to moan!;) :j
I hope this has helped a little goldie. Keep us posted on how you are doing. There's people passing through here all the time if you need to talk.:T Thinking of you hun.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi rbk!:hello:
How are you hun? I'm still working on page 24 so you've probably answered that alreay.:rolleyes:
quote=razorbladekisses;Tiff, Thank you for your lovely post.
Awww Tiff the break will be good for you and hopefully you will enjoy yourself too. It sounds like a lovely place...stately home, 4 acres of gardens- sounds wonderful. Lets hope you have lots of sunshine during your break. Will your CPN/support worker stay with you the whole time?
No hun - the Tiffster will be alone and unleashed!:eek:
I would like to remind the good people of Yorkshire that the Tiff Tour starts on 20th June and that any male under [STRIKE]70[/STRIKE], make that 80, (I can't afford to be picky!:rolleyes: ), should head south for the duration.;) :rotfl:
It's only natural that you will worry about your son while you are away but i'm sure he will be fine. I'm sure you've taught him well It will be good for him to gain some independance.
It's not so much the loss of the house that worries me, it's the loss of him (God forbid!) if he uses the various applicances. This is the boy who asked me to show him earlier this year how to get the sink ready for washing up, who hates to touch the meat he's going to cook and who thinks we're related to Dominoes and The Bank of England!:rolleyes: Seriously, common sense isn't his strongest point bless him (apparently common in creative people :rolleyes: ), so it'll be good for him, if a little terrifying for me!:eek: And he wants it that way so I'll put my faith in him.:rolleyes:
It's understandable that you are going to be extremely anxious the weeks leading up to travelling and of course when you get there but you've just got to be an extra strong Tiff and take lots of deep breaths and you will be fine. I'm guessing that you will have on site support and/or your CPN nearby/on the phone or something like that should you require it. Remember what they have told you hun relax and have fun
No, Tiffy's going freestyle!
There are no nursing facilities of any kind. It's a convalescence place aimed at people who are recovering from whatever kind of illness/surgery etc. that they have had. You have to be able to take care of yourself. It's more like rest and recouperation hotel idealogy. Knowing me, I'll slink off to the kitchens and offer to help!:rolleyes: I still don't feel as if I deserve it.
I will be able to contact my CPN by phone at any time though and he'll either talk me through any problems and if that doesn't work, he'll come and fetch me.
Big (((HUGS))) Tiff
Thank you sweetheart - right back at you!
Now it's your turn rbk!;)
I had an appointment with my social worker today. What a total waste of time! I was honest for a change and told her that I wasn't feeling much better and that life was pretty much the same as it was back in Feb. she rarely says anything to help me at all. She either sits there and nods or stares at me. How is that bloody helping me :mad: She noticed the cuts on my arm and said it was OK as long as I don't cut deep. She then asked if I wanted to cut so that it was fatal. I just shrugged my shoulders, I'm not bothered. I said to her that the help (if you can call it that) I'm receiving doesn't stop me wanting to kill myself and she basically agreed. She says I've been with the team a long time now and there really isn't a lot more they can do. I have a CPA (care programme approach review) in early July. It's looking like I will be discharged from the whole mental health service.
I'm obviously one of their failures that they weren't able to help./quote
NOT a Tiffy's chance of that happening angel - not if I can help it!
1. Have you found out who your Mental Health Advocate is angel? Have a look through here on the MIND site and see if you can find yours.
www.mind.org.uk
If not hun, google for it or call your mental health clinic as they should know. This person can represent your best interests and knows what can and can't be done.
2.Take someone for support and as a witness with you to any meetings.
3. Contact your psychiatrist and inform them of the above post and tell them honestly how you feel. If you can't do it over the phone, print off your post, add a few points about how you feel below it, mark the envelope urgent and hand-deliver it to the clinic hun.
4. Commit yourself to any help that is offered. If you don't follow up on things, then that's why they might think you don't need the service.
5. You may ask for a different social worker I believe hun. What reasons did she give for her opinion?
6. Make sure you take a few copies of your post to the care plan meeting in July hun and bring it up. Don't be afraid to speak sweetie.;) And don't give up!
7. Have you got a CPN angel?
Some professionals do sit quietly so that it prompts you to start the talking hun and also while they're listening because they're taking in what you're saying.
They will not discharge someone who is at risk hun. It may be her opinion that they've tried everything, but is it your dr's opinion too? Even after discharge from the services, there is a care package to fall back on and people will check on you. You're not just thrown out with the door slamming behind you!
But it is crucial that you tell them all how you're honestly feeling. Ask them what else can be done - I find it hard to believe there's nothing else, no matter how long you've been seeing them. I know you feel low hun, but it's at times like this that you have to speak even louder.;)
I find it outrageous that you had this response hun if she used those exact words! If this is the case, I'd make an official complaint because it's wrong to speak to vulnerable people that way and is all the more likely to make us slink off to where we were before.
Ooooo - I can feel a Tiff letter coming on!:eek:
And the mental health services don't just drop complicated cases and give up on people! Whatever the situation is hun, there are always options open. So you are not a failure or a lost cause angel - it ain't over till the fat Tiffy sings!;)
Keep us posted angel. I hope you're feeling better than you were rbk. Take care hun.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

andipandi_2

slowlyfading wrote: »

Evening everyone
I'm in such a bad mood. I'm sat with four razor blades on my desk, toying with the idea. I've just had such a bad day. a hug would be appreciated.
sf x

A meaningful hug for you SF