Depression II

andipandi_2

Hello folks, dodgy day here, found out floor joists,wall plates and floorboards(knew about the boards) need replacing as wet rot has mutilated the lot,

sent OH to b&Q to get some timber,then bus driver said you can`t bring it on bus so had to walk upto B&Q s to bring home,bus was empty,timber on trolley, no problem, just a bottom ache bus driver.

so what was 1 days work is now about 3 days(if i'm lucky) at least plus cost of materials,

Neighbour probs as well cos they neglect their dog(springer spaniel),they don`t walk it,we end up doing it half the time, and i'm fed up with saying nothing,(another watch this space!)

Put extra memory in pc and it kept crashing so been in contact with shop that sold it, they want reciept i said can't find it will bring bank statement.

Sod all of it because i`m not depressed as i would have been not so long ago
BUT my issues folder is starting to fill up lol.(otherwise known as my diary).

Just wanted a mutant rant!!(hope i can hold it together with neighbours though).

keep it together out there friends

Andy

andipandi_2

gillette147 wrote: »

Hi folkes,

Maybe I don't have depression, just sadness.
I am just so down - not sad even, just unbothered.
I see friends on msn but I stay hidden. I have no enthusiasm for anything. Bored but don't want to do anything either.

I have to fill in a huge form for DWP and I have to do my CV tomora. Dreading both tasks. Spent hours yesterday looking for jobs on i-net. Low pay, none in nice areas, and the thought of doing this new career is scaring me a bit/lot.

Had a row with g/f. Haven't spoken for two days now. I unblocked her tonite (she was set to away). Then a bit later she logged off. So she's in no hurry to put it right either. I'm wondering whether I should end it (or let it end). My illness showed up how little I am in her life. She didn't want to see me this weekend because her daughter is home. She tried to blame my illness. But if she cared about me she would have wanted to see me. I've been through an awful week of vomit and pain and had to do it all alone.

She wouldn't think to borrow her mom's car to see me but she borrowed it to fetch daughter on friday. This relationship makes me feel like a 2nd class citizen, and rather than caring about that she just says yes you are (in so many words). I'm not strong enough to be treated as so unimportant. My depression comes from feelings of no-one caring....and she is incapable of offering me a relationship that makes me feel special.

I dunno......

I hope you are all duin ok. I see lots of walks have been taken today.
Sorry I haven't been participating much lately - part of my not wanting to do anything. But I always read the thread and I send you my wishes always.

xxxx

Hello gillette
well theres not much i can offer by way of a solution but i would say that what has helped me immensely is that of acceptance of what is and not fighting those things that depress ,sadden,anger me and so on.

It is very differcult esp the sadness,loneliness and what is from my perspective a grieving period,(aka when i lost my home,children and divorcing a woman i loved dearly,as it turned out with my ex it was more of a habitual thing,being in a place where there was routine and belonging somewhere even though i knew it was such a painful environment and ultimately not going to work out)

It is quite possible that maybe your girl friend is in as much pain as you,maybe a quick chat on the phone,maybe a text or email,ifs buts and maybes,always a chance for something positive to occur as much as something negative from these happenings

When you are ready you will move on one way or the other,there is nothing else to do but the next thing to do and that is yours to decide.

Kind regards
Andy

Tiff_2

Hi katie!:hello:
How are you this evening hun?

quote=Tulip;:hello: everyone,
RBK My appointment with psychologist went ok only I find things so hard to chat to her about that are personal and I cried tears.
This is good in the way that it shows that you're talking about something very important to you with her. You're talking about real feelings and issues. Crying is also how your body physically needs to get rid of the stress hun.

When we see such professionals hun, we're going because of our pain just like we'd see another dr about a problem with another part of our body.

Baring your soul is painful and imho, the hardest thing to do in the world. But if you can work through it all step by step, the peace of mind and the freedom you get is more than worth it angel.;)

I think yesterday I was feeling so negative and at 12pm when she was with me I immediatly felt low,I told her my parents didnt love me enough but when I spoke to them after they were surprised I had said that but not shocked and they said they did love me enough as their daughter.
I'm glad your parents were able to reassure you of their love for you katie. By being brave enough to be honest with them afterwards, that was your reward hun.;) Some people, parents or not, find it very hard to express emotions out loud and others may not even realise that there is a problem.

When we are at our lowest, that's when we doubt even the most obvious things in our lives imho. We need to hear and feel love more than usual, but parents/people/Tiffs aren't psychic and sometimes you have to sit them down and explain how you're feeling. I'm sure they were glad you told them angel.

I think I dont value myself enough or be happy as me.The old me seems to have gone and I cant seem to find my way back to the light of the tunnel.
Trust me sweetheart, you don't want the old you back.:o You are working through all the problems in your life and that's no mean feat!:T


You're going through your butterfly stages katie - and no, I can't tell you how long it takes!

By telling your dr how you feel about yourself, they will work with you on things that will open your eyes to the sort of person you really are and you will start to value yourself and even, I promise , be happy again.

You don't want to go back angel, not back to where you were.;) You're not supposed to be finding your way back to the light hun, because that was the place where you started from, where it all went 'wrong'.
You'll find your place in time angel. You'd be surprised at how many feel the same way even without mental ill health issues.;)

Why is it easy to say it on here and not to them face to face?
Because no-one can see you crying on here angel.
No-one can see what you're wearing, whether you're trembling, how the house looks, whether you've fed the cat (HINT!:D :rolleyes: ) - no way of telling how you are, apart from how you reach out on here.
And because here, you can be painfully honest. And it is painful to do. Yet here, there are people who understand some of what you go through and here, you know you're welcome.;)

Like you RBK I seem to put on a front to friends saying I am ok when inside I am not and when I am at home I retreat into my own shell and I also seem to dwell on things alot and think everything is not right when it is.
This is so common hun and as you change into your butterfly, this will change too. Maybe it's because we are searching hard for all the answers and feel like we're just going over the same ground over and over again?

If you can't open up to your dr the way you do here hun, why not print off your post and hand it to her? If this is your best way of communicating how you feel katie, what could be better? And you don't have to worry then about losing track of what you're saying or forgetting something. Just a thought hun.;)

Hope this helps a little.:rolleyes: Go and enjoy the last of the sunshine hun. Take care angel.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi karrie!:hello:
How are you hun?
Again, I'm so pleased about the results of the appeal panel - you must all be so relieved!:T
Ahem, so now, I take great pleasure in being able to say, in this instance, ''I TOLD YOU SO!!!''

quote=Karrie;
Tiff Not long til your holiday. Hope you are well despite being very busy. I am sure the weather will be just right for your break.
:eek: :cool:

I had an ECG today. Yep my heart is missing a beat but nothing to worry about!! Could be the medication then again they can't be sure. Arrrggghh
My ex-husband had a heart murmur and he can still run a mile in around 4 mins! He was in the Air Force. So it's not necessarily anything to panic about guys BUT, it should always be checked out quickly.;)

An hour after have the ECG a vein in my leg (I don't have varicose veins) became really big and swollen and sore. I went to scratch my leg, felt the lump underneath my jeans and had a look. Well I nearly died. The vein was massive. It went down after 10 mins and now is purple and bruised and sore. Not sure what that is about.
Did you tell the dr hun? Again any changes should be checked out sweetheart. Always better to be safe.

We went to Cromer yesterday. Was knackered when we got back. Oh my boy Becks is playing tonight!! Phwwoarrr. Vicky is okay with him staying at mine tonight too. Bonus!!
Sounds like you had a great time karrie!:T
I hope you have a good evening - take care.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tulip

:hello: Tiff,

Thanks for your advice I am intending to show my pyscologist this thread when I see her next

I am going to have a lovely evening tonight,hope you do too

what does imho stand for?

lots of love and light,

Katie xxx

Tulip

:hello: everyone,

tomorrow afternoon at 2pm I am having an MRI scan.I will be ok

Katie xxx

Sugar_Coated_Owl

Karrie, Sorry hun, I seemed to have missed your post where you talked about the ECG and your leg It's good that they checked you out. At least it's hopefully put your mind at rest now. As for the leg, I think that's something you need to go back to your GP about and find out why that happened.

andipandi, Sounds like your day has been busy. I hope you manage to sort out the various problems.

Rant all you want here

Katie, How's you? What are you doing this evening?

I hope the MRI scan goes well tomorrow.

xxx

gillette147

Hi gang,

Thank you so much for your support. There's a headache coming so I'll be brief. I've talked to my g/f. Certain things can't change - but she knows how I feel now.

Got the form done - phew - I know it was hot today but the sweat was pouring off me while doing it. I have to get up early for once and get the CV done tomora.

I was touched by the replies you have given to me.
Bless you all so much
xxxxxxxxxxx

Tiff_2

Hi rbk!:hello:
Hoping you're well hun.

quote=razorbladekisses;
... I put on a front because I don't like admitting to others (colleagues/family/CPN) that I'm not OK. Telling my CPN/psychiatrist that I'm not feeling any better won't achieve anything. It's easier to say everything is fine.
I can understand you not wanting to tell anyone that you're not okay angel. But with your cpn and psychiatrist, you must be completely honest. It is easier to say we're fine when we're not, but that is part of what got us into this situation in the first place hun!;)

When you've been in therapy for a long time angel, it's natural to feel as you do. No-one wants to accept that they have mental health issues, let alone declare it to people. Sometimes - often - people believe that they can't be helped, that there's nothing that can help them. But this isn't true angel. It really isn't.
You'll find lots of people who've been in treatment for many years, some may have to have it for the rest of their lives but, if being honest with the drs gets you to the point where you can live a good and happy life and have a better quality of life rbk, then it's worth it angel.;)

However hun, not telling your cpn and psychiatrist that you're not feeling any better will achieve something - it will virtually guarantee that you stay where you're at now or worse have a relapse of some kind, Heaven forbid!:o

It's not surprising that you're not feeling any better if you're not getting the right treatment for your health. They are treating you based on what they know hun and it doesn't matter how many times you have to say it, it's very important that you tell them how you really are.


I'm not trying to be cruel hun,;) but telling them will see your treatment adapted until you get to one that works best for you. You're not being fair to yourself, your family or your med team by not telling them how you really are sweetheart. You're a really lovely person rbk and you deserve the right help.:T

I miss not having a boyfriend but sometimes I think they are a lot more hassle than their worth. All my ex's have in one way or another hurt me, used me, pretended to care/love me.
That's why they are ex's angel.;)

You're a great person, so I'm sure Mr. Right is out there somewhere
And so are you rbk!:A Your time will come hun.;)

Tiff, You seem very busy atm. I hope you are looking after yourself. Are you looking forward to going to Harrogate? Is it like a break/holiday type thing? Have a (((HUG))) Tiff. xxx
I have been really busy angel. I've just been going through a bit of a rough time hun, bless you for thinking of me.
Harrogate!:eek:
I am looking forward to it in the respect that I really need a break and this will actually be my first 'holiday' ever. Pathetic hun?:o

It's actually a convalescence home run by the fraternal charity, R.A.O.B. that Dad was a member of for 32 years until his death a year and a half ago. They're now aware of everything I'm dealing with and have been kind enough to give me 2 weeks full board convalescence free.
My cpn is driving me, as well as my support worker, as I am still not able to use public transport due to the agoraphobia. It looks like a stately home and is set in four acres of gardens. It's not a nursing home at all and they also offer short breaks there to well people in the charity.

I'm going to worry about DS as he says he wants to stay on his own. At 17, he's got the common sense of a sock!:rolleyes: Very common with performing arts students apparently. It's going to be a really steep learning curve for him - I'm sure he thinks putting milk on cereal is cookery!:D
Well, he'll be in college full time, plus he'll spend one weekend with his Dad, I'll write him a survival guide and phone numbers for everyone and I've said he can friends over from his college - I know, I'm completely barking!:eek: :rolleyes: - so hopefully I've got all bases covered. But I'll still worry like crazy. :rolleyes:
My cpn wants me to go away and do nothing but relax and help myself by having fun (Fun? ), doing whatever I want whenever I want, be a bit selfish and not worry about anyone else because this is my time,(not many men would say that!:D ), and to just worry about myself and no-one else. He wants me to remember what it's like to explore new things and places and hopefully that will boost my confidence with recovering from agoraphobia.....I'm planning on exploring my bedroom for 2 weeks!:eek: :rotfl: Well, maybe a coffee with sf if I make it to York.;)
I'll be a terribly trembling Tiffy.:o I know - 'fraidy cat!:D
Take care hun - wishing you a great week.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Sugar_Coated_Owl

:hello: guys,