Sanctions

seven-day-weekend

Yes. I'm sure there are very very few people who don't know ANYONE who could help them out.

bloolagoon

No one, no friends, no neighbours it's rather tragic. Another tragic factor is all their friends and or family often have no money and are on benefits themselves when needing financial help.

It is the direction of society today.

FBaby

Yet, next to this, you have those regular post about how unacceptable it is to expect a single parent to look for work further away from their home town because it wouldn't be fair to expect them to move away from their family...

*gem*

FBaby wrote: »

So all single parents can only do shift work and only only inflexible shifts are available. They can't leave their 13 year old alone, they don't have a dad to go to at week-ends, they don't have family to go to, and they are no childcare available during that time.

That's a lot of single parents with an incredible combination of circumstances preventing them from working week-ends....

This is pretty much my situation! No family, childrens dad can't cope with them all at the same time, there is no childcare available because it is full and I can't leave my 12 year old at home on his own.

I do have friends that can help me out in an emergency but I couldn't rely on them constantly and most of them have moved out of the area I live in. And no I wouldn't be willing to move to another area for a job it would be too much upheaval for my family to cope with.

Yes, it is tragic but that is my life! I would love for it to be different but circumstances won't allow.

*gem*

exarmydreamer wrote: »

Message to GEM

If you can get higher rate DLA for your son, then you will see an increase in Child Tax Credit. Remember to fill the forms in accurately and ask the school for evidence of his additional needs. Contact the National Autistic Society for advice in filling in the DLA forms or CAB. www.autism.org.uk.

Try to keep a diary of all the extra care your son receives, everything from being watched because he can hurt himself, wash, how long he takes to get dressed, how often you have to return him to bed or settle him down, tantrums and melt downs etc.

I'm just about to start home schooling my youngest boy as they wont put him in special school because of the cost of Statementing. Go for the careers allowance once you have the result from the DLA and try to speak to the Autistic Society for some extra help, they can help with benefits/form filling.

You may be able to get some help through the Independant living scheme, where a helper can be paid to take him out to the park for example to give you a break. Also your Social Services should have a Disability team, where he should be registered for support for his disabilities. The disability team has nothing to do with child protection or children in need dept. My son's are registered and I get advice and help with school transitions, play schemes and school holiday help.

I feel for you, I know how hard it is. I used to be in the army and luckily have my pension and my husband works very hard in a well paid job but the stress is overwhelming. Do you have anyone to support you?. I hope things become easy for you and your son is entitled to his benefits for his disabilities. It is amazing how many parents of children with disabilities are not given all the support and benefit information they need. I can also no longer work due to always being over at the school (3 different schools to be precise) and some folk don't understand the constant fear of being called to collect your son.:(

Thank you for all the information. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it and I will look into it all. I know that fear of the school constantly ringing, it's awful. I hate having to listen to some of the things he has done.

It's even worse coping with less money due to a sanction. I can't afford to buy the things he would normally have or do to keep him occupied after school and over the weekends and we have spent the day in a&e getting him fixed back together due to him hurting himself on purpose while in a rage.

Fingers crossed for a better day tomorrow.

*gem*

Dunroamin wrote: »

Seeing that Gem is a lone parent with a child under the age of 7, it's perfectly possible for her to restrict her hours. I don't understand why you're querying this.

Yes, my youngest is under 7 and I have restricted the hours on my agreement but that does not stop my advisor making me apply for unsuitable work, with unsuitable hours or in unsuitable places that I can't even get to by public transport and threatening me with a sanction if I do not apply.

Dunroamin

*gem* wrote: »

Yes, my youngest is under 7 and I have restricted the hours on my agreement but that does not stop my advisor making me apply for unsuitable work, with unsuitable hours or in unsuitable places that I can't even get to by public transport and threatening me with a sanction if I do not apply.

Of course, your advisor's idea of unsuitable and yours may be rather different.

*gem*

Dunroamin wrote: »

Of course, your advisor's idea of unsuitable and yours may be rather different.

Yes, definitely. Like out in the middle of the countryside with a 2 hr walk each way or a petrol station forecourt doing a night shift. Perfectly suitable for a single parent. Maybe I should leave my ASD 12 year old in charge of his younger brother and sister while I work nights in a care home!?

sulkisu

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Yes. I'm sure there are very very few people who don't know ANYONE who could help them out.

I was just about to agree with this statement, but then I thought about it and I suppose it depends on what 'help them out' means. I don't think of myself as a loner and I do have friends, family and neighbours. Just for the record I am not a lone parent and I work full-time, but if OH wasn't around I can honestly say that I don't have anyone close by that I could expect to care for my children every weekend while I went to work. They either work shifts or irregular hours, work weekends themselves, have families of their own or other commitments.

With a two year old and 6 month old twins, selfish mare that I am, I wouldn't do it for someone else. I would help out in a dire emergency of course, but I certainly wouldn't do it every single weekend .

~Chameleon~

sulkisu wrote: »

I was just about to agree with this statement, but then I thought about it and I suppose it depends on what 'help them out' means. I don't think of myself as a loner and I do have friends, family and neighbours. Just for the record I am not a lone parent and I work full-time, but if OH wasn't around I can honestly say that I don't have anyone close by that I could expect to care for my children every weekend while I went to work. They either work shifts or irregular hours, work weekends themselves, have families of their own or other commitments.

With a two year old and 6 month old twins, selfish mare that I am, I wouldn't do it for someone else. I would help out in a dire emergency of course, but I certainly wouldn't do it every single weekend .

Exactly this ^^^

Very few people can rely on family or friends to look after their children on a permanent basis. Those that do are extremely fortunate. As I mentioned in an earlier post or thread, I employed a live-in nanny to care for my children due to my irregular working hours - vets are often on-call 24/7, including in the middle of the night! No way could I call upon family of friends to turn out at 3am to care for my children whilst I went off to tend a sick or injured animal!

How many people can afford to do that though? Or even have a spare room in their home to accommodate a nanny or au-pair?