Parents giving my partner and I £50 000 deposit... how do I safeguard this money?

InMyDreams

Looks to me like you and your parents want to have the cake and eat it.

Either they give you the money with no strings (in which case it really has to have no strings... They can't complain if you lose it all on the horses... Or on a relationship gone bad...) or they retain an interest in the money/investment and accept that means it will count as part of their estate when they die.

Assuming they want to give you the money, then you wanting to protect it for yourself is a different issue. Personally I would not even consider buying a house with someone that I was not prepared to risk all on. I would prefer to rent. Keep it simple.

geoffky

A very thoughtful post..And i do not blame you for protecting your parents gift....10 years down the line you could get it all altered or scrapped but having a deed of trust is very sensible..

seriousDFW

InMyDreams wrote: »

Looks to me like you and your parents want to have the cake and eat it.

Either they give you the money with no strings (in which case it really has to have no strings... They can't complain if you lose it all on the horses... Or on a relationship gone bad...) or they retain an interest in the money/investment and accept that means it will count as part of their estate when they die.

Assuming they want to give you the money, then you wanting to protect it for yourself is a different issue. Personally I would not even consider buying a house with someone that I was not prepared to risk all on. I would prefer to rent. Keep it simple.

Agree completely.

OP I apologise if my comments have offended. That isn't the intention. I find debates such as these genuinely interesting and without having a discussion and hearing other people's arguments, it's difficult to evaluate one's own.

The world is made of all sorts of people. I agree with the poster I've quoted that if I didn't have trust that the relationship would go the distance, I wouldn't bother in the first place. I would have to accept the pain of losing out financially if something went wrong. I understand that others view things differently. Please don't think those of us who don't like the idea you're proposing don't understand your situation - we do, we just wouldn't like it if it were us. Thank you for clarifying the position of your OH and I can understand his point of view.

We aren't criticising your choices. This thread has shown that people will fall into two different camps on this issue and there's nothing wrong with that.

I must admit, I hadn't considered the possibility as someone has posted, of the OH running off with a barmaid the moment the parents gift the £50k. I guess I assumed, perhaps incorrectly, that there was a greater level of trust/expectation between the OP and her OH.

Good luck with the house purchase; it seems you have received the advice you needed.

Dunroamin

Are your parents giving the money to you and your partner or just to you? The thread title says one thing and you then say the other in your first post.

Smi1er

OP, in answer to your question....

Many years ago I was in a similar position where my parents gifted me a deposit that was equal to 11% of the property value. It was a gift to me and not to my then partner, I was advised that as all bills were 50/50 that at time of purchase a contract was also drawn up that my then partner owned 44.5% (half of 89%) and I owned the rest.

bsms1147

olympicsmummy wrote: »

... instead he sees it as them investing their money (which will ultimately be mine).

So even long in the future, your money won't be shared as a couple.

I see.

Fire_Fox

redskyatnight wrote: »

Wow, what a gloomy attitude. What is the point in anyone getting with ANYone, if they think - from the start - that they are going to split? What a grim and depressing world it would be, if we all thought like this.

Although it's entirely up to the OP what she does; there is something rather depressing and gloomy about the tone of it all. Maybe her other half should also safeguard every last possession he has, to make sure he gets to keep it when they split, and she doesn't get her mitts on it. And maybe she should make a note of every last bit of housework and washing and childcare she does, and keep a log of it, to compare it to what he earns over the time they're together, to make sure his earnings equal the amount of work she has done childminding and 'being a housewife.' And if he spends sometime unemployed, she will have to deduct it from his 'share' which will be minus the £50K of course. Unless he looks after the kids equally, (when he is not working,) to even things up.

What tone? We are on the internet, you cannot hear inflection in the voice nor see facial expressions. I read statements of fact and practicality/ realism, they could easily be said in the most matter of fact tone by, say, a solicitor or research fellow speaking about their work. It's YOU who is projecting the gloom onto it which perhaps says as much about your negative outlook on life than anyone else's.

Not everyone has a 'happy ever after' fantasy in their head, not everyone spends all their leisure time looking for Mr/ Ms Right/ 'the one', we don't all want to settle down, many are comfortable in our own skins, enjoy living alone, don't want children or are well past childbearing years. We have our own hobbies interests and dreams that don't involve being half a person.

Some are perfectly able to cope with one night stands, short term flings, relationships we know will be long term but not forever, we don't feel the need for every separation to be made overly complicated and over dramatised. And we are smiley happy people enjoying life instead of being shackled to washing someone else's sweaty smalls, changing stinking nappies at 5am, an endless round of dreary domesticity. Now that IS grim and depressing to me but no doubt someone else is fulfilled by those relationships and by feeling needed and loved.

I don't personally see what is wrong with a woman respecting her parents generous gift AND looking out for her children's future. It's only right her children should come before her partner, however much she loves him. That £25K is the secure roof over their heads, perhaps their college fund. Being a good partner/ spouse and parent is not all fluffy and jolly, there are tough decisions to be made.

Sometimes relationships are about the journey not the destination.

getmore4less

There are two basic ways to do this or a combination of the two.
(all agreements break down to one of the two ways when analysed)

You either work on equity or treat the money as a loan.

If the debt payments are to be different then that changes the equity or loan.

Once you get through the is it a full gift from parents or not issue, that as an issue between you and you parent seperate from buying the house with your partner.
(don't even think about a 3 way purchase)

You need to decide if this £50k is going to buy part of the house(equity) of be a loan to yourselfs(as a couple).

equity
it buys part of a house you own that part, if the rest is being done by a loan(mortgage) then that buys the other part and you split the ownership depending on who pays what % of the mortgage.

When you sell you get the ownership % of the house and then pay back the % of the debt you each take on.

This is the fare way to do it and works for all value of deposit and mortgage split price rises and falls.

Loan.
You in effect lend you other half £25k of the £50k.

then you need to decide who owns what depending on the mortgage payments etc. if you go 50:50 on the house but don't split the mortage payments 50:50 this is equivilent to the OH loaning you money(if they pay more than you)
then after you split you get you £50k back then decide who gets what after the mortgage is paid off.

This is a very common way to do it but it does not work properly for price drops and rises this method gets messy the problem is many solicitors use this method but don't have a clue about how to do things in a waay that works properly.

There are plenty of previous posts with examples of how this works.

Dan-Dan

StevenMarks wrote: »

The majority of relationships end in failure.

Voice of experience?

Pint of John Smiths ?

chewmylegoff

Dan-Dan wrote: »

Voice of experience?

Pint of John Smiths ?

How many relationships have you had in your life? The majority of mine have ended in failure, because there have been more than two, including my current one.