Parents giving my partner and I £50 000 deposit... how do I safeguard this money?

redskyatnight_2

StevenMarks wrote: »

I think a number of people in this thread need to wake up, smell the coffee and enter the real world.

The majority of relationships end in failure. It is only sensible to take steps to protect the money being given by the parents.

Wow, what a gloomy attitude. What is the point in anyone getting with ANYone, if they think - from the start - that they are going to split? What a grim and depressing world it would be, if we all thought like this.

Although it's entirely up to the OP what she does; there is something rather depressing and gloomy about the tone of it all. Maybe her other half should also safeguard every last possession he has, to make sure he gets to keep it when they split, and she doesn't get her mitts on it. And maybe she should make a note of every last bit of housework and washing and childcare she does, and keep a log of it, to compare it to what he earns over the time they're together, to make sure his earnings equal the amount of work she has done childminding and 'being a housewife.' And if he spends sometime unemployed, she will have to deduct it from his 'share' which will be minus the £50K of course. Unless he looks after the kids equally, (when he is not working,) to even things up.

Seriously, I know I am supposed to smell the coffee, cappuccino and latte and all that jazz, but the whole tone of the OP's original post and and the ones after, leaves a bit of a sour taste in the mouth. It just all seems to be about making sure he doesn't get a penny extra if they split up.

Maybe the partner is aware of all this and is happy with the situation, but I highly doubt it.

I am actually genuinely questioning if it's even worth the OP buying a place 'together' with her partner at all.

chewmylegoff

These arrangements are pretty common and its just common sense to do it when one partner has significantly greater assets than the other. I certainly wont just be signing over half of my assets to my OH just because we were buying a house together - not a chance!

poet123

I think if they were married it would be different.

We have just helped our eldest son buy a house in his own name. If his GF decided to move in we would expect him to draw up a Deed of Trust, this is very common and several of his friends have already done it. It just protects the initial investment, and then they would split any other proceeds, seems eminently sensible to me.

seriousDFW

poet123 wrote: »

I think if they were married it would be different.

We have just helped our eldest son buy a house in his own name. If his GF decided to move in we would expect him to draw up a Deed of Trust, this is very common and several of his friends have already done it. It just protects the initial investment, and then they would split any other proceeds, seems eminently sensible to me.

How would it be different if they were married? Isn't having a child a great or at least equal commitment than getting married?! If not I have a very warped perspective of life, or others do.

I think there's a difference here - with a hypothetical 'new' GF there isn't much commitment, but where there are children being had, surely that demonstrates a level of commitment equal to or greater than marriage? Or am I seeing this in a very warped way?

It seems to me that OP and her OH have been together a while and already have children and will be buying the house together to make a life together, signalled even further by the fact that they are working in partnership by one working and one being primary caregiver to the children. In my mind that's worth the risk of losing some money to have faith that everyone's in it for the long haul.

It is perhaps different if someone has significantly greater assets than the other at the start of the relationship, though to me entering into one or more of marriage, children and house-buying demonstrates a commitment which should be a true partnership in every sense of the word. If you're not willing to give them half of all you have, I am just unable to see how that is a partnership worth being a part of at all.

When I got married I accepted to myself that the commitment I was making was that whatever we had, we shared down the middle and that was that. If things turn sour and we separate, that is the way life goes sometimes, and I wouldn't consider my wife gaining half of what I have as a loss, as that hypothetical 'loss' was made when we decided to get married.

I'm disheartened that the OP hasn't returned to answer the question about how the OH feels, especially since she has been replying to the many other threads she's started about this house purchase.

hayhay2010

I dont think the op is being unrealistic I have many years ago been though a messy break up and came off much worse financially. Once bittern twice shy and all that.

Although saying that when buying my current house with my then boyfriend now husband I put down the whole deposit, didn't protect it in any way as we had kids he was the main bread winner if worst did happen 50/50 I would not of felt bad about.

However if my parents had saved hard to help me out I would want to protect thier money as if the worst did happen on part time work with young children to look after I think its a sensible thing to do.

poet123

seriousDFW wrote: »

How would it be different if they were married? Isn't having a child a great or at least equal commitment than getting married?! If not I have a very warped perspective of life, or others do.

I think there's a difference here - with a hypothetical 'new' GF there isn't much commitment, but where there are children being had, surely that demonstrates a level of commitment equal to or greater than marriage? Or am I seeing this in a very warped way?

It seems to me that OP and her OH have been together a while and already have children and will be buying the house together to make a life together, signalled even further by the fact that they are working in partnership by one working and one being primary caregiver to the children. In my mind that's worth the risk of losing some money to have faith that everyone's in it for the long haul.

It is perhaps different if someone has significantly greater assets than the other at the start of the relationship, though to me entering into one or more of marriage, children and house-buying demonstrates a commitment which should be a true partnership in every sense of the word. If you're not willing to give them half of all you have, I am just unable to see how that is a partnership worth being a part of at all.

When I got married I accepted to myself that the commitment I was making was that whatever we had, we shared down the middle and that was that. If things turn sour and we separate, that is the way life goes sometimes, and I wouldn't consider my wife gaining half of what I have as a loss, as that hypothetical 'loss' was made when we decided to get married.

I'm disheartened that the OP hasn't returned to answer the question about how the OH feels, especially since she has been replying to the many other threads she's started about this house purchase.

I would agree that having a child should be as great a commitment as marriage, sadly we know from looking around us that is not the case.

To me, only marriage would signify a proper commitment, I accept it may not be that way for others but it is for me. I have been married 32 years and everything we have is ours, not mine, or his, and it has always been that way.

olympicsmummy

no we dont have to take the money however we cannot save £50K ourselves with the cost of our rent etc!! the choice is rent forever (not a nice option) or accept this 50K and buy a house :-)

My parents have said I can either have their inheritance when they're alive to see me use it or when they're dead. They prefer to help me out now than when they're dead.

My oh is fine about it. TBH he wasnt 100% keen on receiving the 50K however he now does want it because he accepts we need to buy a house as we cant rent forever. He sees the money as my parents investment and is happy for there to be something in writing saying it's their money. It probably makes him feel better knowing that theyve not "given" him 50K as that makes him feel like he cant support his family, instead he sees it as them investing their money (which will ultimately be mine). I'm only thinking of putting the deed of trust in my name to make things simpler from inheritance tax pov however maybe i shouldnt be worrying about IHT

I know at least 5 people who were in very happy committed relationships that split up and there were problems!

The money is for us both to buy a house if however we split then my parents want me to be looked after as i've stalled my career to raise our kids.

Also maybe those that are being negative about this should consider that the money isnt mine its my parents! (why is it unreasonable of them to want to protect it?? theyve worked hard for it all their lives!!)

olympicsmummy

yorkie1 can I just ask why the deed of trust should be in my name and not my parents? Is there a specific reason it should be done this way? thank you

Kayalana99

FYI buying the name in your house only protects you as long as your not a common law couple..i.e once you've lived together 5 years then its pratically 50/50.

Have you thought about not taking the full 50k? I.e take the 10% for house deposit? Assuming he is working he will be paying the mortage anyway so then he will be paying his share and if you *did* spilt it would be less of a blow...and you could always use the rest of the money in later life to ...i dont know send yourself to uni..run a business...etc.

Oh and the mortage company will probally want your grandparents to sign a letter saying its a gift and they have no right to the money...so it makes sense the deed of trust is in your name as its fraud if they want it back..as then its a interest free loan. End day your parents wanted you to have it and if you spilt you could buy another house with it or give it them back anyway.

I just wanted to add that you guys can debate over whats right and wrong till the cows come home but the OP has come here for advice whether you agree or not you might as well help her or take a hike and stop spamming her thread ...No offense intended.

olympicsmummy

kayalana thanks for your post :-) However there is no such thing as a "common law" couple.. even after 5 years there is no 50/50 entitlement.

What you say about taking less money from my parents is a good point however we need a 3 bed house for 2 kids (we want a second).

I've been to uni already though :-) got a great job and career but I've stopped working as i want to bring up my baby, once kids are at school I'll start my career back up again :-) x