Worst Time Of My Life Ever!

SortingIt_2

Hello Southwester,

I am truely sorry to hear your bad news. You are definately doing the best thing going to work. It happened to me a few years ago and I was surprised how supportive everyone was (work wise) and being busy and surrounded by people which doesn't allow you to break down etc is good. Yes, the odd occassional cry but it stops you from really letting it all go, something best for when you are by yourself I think. And you will, it will feel horrible but each time you do it gets better.

Re you other half, I suggest you have a little space if that is what she has asked for, in a couple of days you will be feeling differently - at the moment your head is a complete mess and you won't be thinking straight. If you have questions, write them down as they come in to your head as when you do speak to her these will all go out the window because you will be too emotional - trust me I know!

When you do meet up try and get what you want to know from this conversation but I must say all the answers in the world doesn't make it any easier. The fact that she has ended the relationship with the other guys is a good thing but you need to know why she did it in the first place?? You need to think of number one in this situation - its easy to say I forgive you and try and make things as they were but they won't be and the trust issue will just eat away.

Be strong, take time to talk and remember be true to your feelings. You will be feeling very raw at the moment but in a couple of days you head will be more clear and you are more likely to be angry....

I really hope it all works out and you manage to sort this, keep posting and let us know you are ok and how you are doing.

Take care xxx

Sus1e

I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and I hope you get through this ok.

southwester_2

Many thanks sorting it, I think i will give her some space, I dont want to, but if it will help I will. I am just so scared of how my 10 yr old son will react who dotes on us both.

She said she enjoys our life and our times together but something is missing

SortingIt_2

Hi,

I know it will be hard to give her some space but if that is what she has asked for, she made need it. It will give you time to think too, as hard as it will be.

Maybe try and get her to comprimise, I know how hard it will be for you waiting for answers - suggest a day or two and then a date/time/place for definate when you can meet and talk. That way you have that reassurance that you are going to see her etc (I know that helped me) It will be hard but we are all here for you as are your friend etc at home.

I am thinking of you and will log back in tonight when I get home from work to check up on you!!!! Be strong and good luck.

Take care, lots of cuddles xx

RAS

southwester wrote: »

She said she enjoys our life and our times together but something is missing

OK - now you are onto something. Ask her what it is that is missing? Do not expect a ready or quick answer, but let her know that if she can explain, you will try to find a way to deliver it if that is possible (by the sound of things, you want this relationship to continue).

Also, tell her you will give her space if she needs it, although it is not what you want to do. Do tell her what you want as well.

As for your son, poor thing may learn a bit more about life that you might prefer, but he will learns loads from seeing your both handle this in an adult manner. That does not mean you don't cry in front of him, it means that if you do cry, your explain it is not about him and that you and mum are working to sort it out.

onedayiwill

You are a good man and I hate so hear you so upset! So, the biggest of big hugs from me.

I am sure you have some good friends with whom you can talk, and remember you can say anything you want on here and you will receive support. Remember to keep talking, and don't let this horrible moment in your life undo all the good work you have done recently. This moment will pass.

More hugs from OneDay.

dianadors

When this happened to me, I was exactly the same, I couldnt eat, sleep and kept crying. I really feel for you. We rescued our marriage, and a few years on we both feel that we are the best we have ever been - but it has been hard work. At the time when I discovered the affair, I felt that I wanted out and everything cut and dried so that I could start feeling better. But then I realised that I was giving hubby an easy way out, and it was only when I started making him make the decisions, that he couldnt actually finish our marriage. I didnt want to live my life without him, so I didnt see why I should be the one to instigate a divorce that I didnt want. I ended up fighting tooth and nail for him and it suprised him how much I loved him. I'm sure that for much of the first year back together, he didnt love me as much as he had previously, and that was the hard part for me. I read up alot, and gave him time - I realised that it would take him time to get over his relationship with this other woman. We have kids, and the whole thing was never kept a secret from them - which must have been tough for them, but they now know that relationships are not always easy and they do need some work. Another tough thing for me was that although he had the affair, it seemed down to me to fix us - I expected he would be "grateful " for keeping us together and make amends. What he did do was be very honest about what had happened and why, and he kept his side of the bargain by not seeing her and telling me when she had contacted him. Fortunatley(for me), she soon moved onto another married man who was stupid enough to leave his lovely family for her. I was shocked that my hubby had an affair - I thought we were very very happy, and I wish it had never happened, but as I said earlier, we are now much stronger as a couple for working through it. Let her know that you love her.

etxec

Hi
I've been watching your other thread for a bit and was really pleased that things were beginning to look up for you. I'm soooo sorry to hear your news today. I really hope you're able to sort things out if that's what you want to do - take one day at a time and don't rush any decisions.
Big bear hugs
x

southwester_2

One day - Thanks for those kind words

Ras - We know what is missing but too personal to discuss on here, she says she has always wanted to put that right but cant and doesnt know if she could

Dianadors - I have told her that I love her despite everything, she wont tell me her feelings for this other guy though as she says any details would hurt me and we would be going around in circles;

dianadors

Dont push her - give her space and time. But dont stop letting her know how much you love her. xx