Worst Time Of My Life Ever!

joeblack066

Hugs for you, I would say that its a good thing that she's ending the affair, to give herself time to find out what it is she really wants. Balance the space that you will both need right now with proper time to talk, talk talk, and stay strong sweetheart. ***HUGS***

Little_Miss_Winner

HI SW,

Big Hugs from me too, you will get throught this, just hang in there.

XX

southwester_2

She has just told me that she has finished it with him, although she sounded more upset that she has finished with him than what it has done to me, I dont know, maybe thats harsh but I am so confused

elantan

jet you say your bf do you mean your stil with him or is he an ex bf? southwester i totally feel for you ..i cant offer you any advice as i have never been in the situation but send you virtual hugs and wish you all the best

shamu95

Just want to send you a really big hug. I know this is a tough time for you at the moment. Hopefully a little time apart and lots of talking you will get through this.

chevalier

Erm not sure how to put this. But I wonder if when you were being so distant about money, she thought the secret was that you were having an affair too? Plus she may not have thought that you would be capable of the massive changes you have made with regards to money over the last few weeks - ie coming clean about the debt, getting a second job to pay it off quicker, talking it all through with her. She has had a shock, and so have you in the last few weeks.

So take some time. Don't take any decisions now that you may both regret later. And think about what your saying. It is very easy at a time like this (and understandable) to lash out and say the most horrible things that come into your head. BUT if you want to save the marriage, then you may have to bite your tongue. Because there are some things that once said can't be taken back

Big hugs to you and hope you can work throught this.
chev

moonlightpjs

Hi SW
Big hugs for you
I know its hard and you're both probably not thinking straight right now, but try and stay strong, at least she ended the affair. If she really wanted to be with him she wouldn't have finished it so maybe take some hope from that?
All I can say is talk, talk, talk and keep talking.
Thinking of you and please keep posting xxxxxx

KittyKate

Southwester I think the very fact you let her go and see him to finish with him (and you didn't go with her and wait in the car/beat him to a pulp) speaks volumes.

If the relationship isn't the right thing for you, you might be happier apart (and this happiness will reflect on your child). As you are trying so hard to get out of debt, you don't really need the added trust issues with your partner right now. Maybe putting yourself first, saying 'I deserve better' and taking the steps you need to take to improve your life will be far better for you in the long run. Sending my hugs to you x

RAS

SS

Sorry to hear your news.

Please take things slowly. At the moment you are both feeling pretty raw and you ned a little time to get over the shock.

although my ex had along affair, I have never done anything like this so I do not know how she is feeling. My guess is that she has gone from a bit of guilty fun to realising that she has caused loads of grief to you and other party, having to face up to the consequences for you, her and your son and will be a bit of an emotional wreck as well.

Hold on to Toto and Saffrons' advice if you can. At times of emotional overload, I find something called focusing really good (even in traumatic situations).

The best starter guide I can get to comes from an Irish teacher. We need to know how we feel, it is important for our well-being and to help keep ourselves safe, but sometimes feeling are just too much and then it is hard to deal with them. Think of a bowl of soup (yes). When you walk in the room you can smell it, even looking at it at a distance, you have a sense of what is in it and how it tastes. When you get closer, you have a better idea of the ingredients. You only need a sip or two to know just about everything about it, and how good or otherwise it is. You do not need to stick your head in it and drown to acheive that. With our emotions, we spend a lot of time sticking our heads on the bowl of soup, when we would actually learn more if we took a sip or two and stood back.

Right now, you need something to help you through the day, so you could try this. You are all too aware where in your body you feel the hurt, and whatever other feelings you have. With your next breath , try to imagine it flowing between your spine and where it hurts. and the next breath as well, and keep breathing like that until you can get enough space between your spine and the feeling to be able to cope (speak without bursting into tears). And just try to stay with that.

And accept that you will need to keep doing it at intervals.

Hope that helps.

RAS

https://www.focusing.org.

southwester_2

Thanks for all your messages, its unbelievably hard at the moment I feel sick and cant stop crying and dont know whats going to happen.