What do I do?

Mojisola

splishsplash wrote: »

He had time to reflect on what he was doing, yet he still did it. I would find that very worrying.

If I were you, I would do some digging. Has your son had any contact with his dad that you're not aware of? Is your son online? Does he have a mobile phone? What about your other child? Has there been any attempt at contact that you didn't know about?

I would also be checking out where exactly your ex is, who he's with, how he's doing. Is there a problem with drink/drugs? Is there a new family? Is there a breakdown of a new family?

I wonder whether this is what he wants. I would do positive things like getting residency and support from Women's Aid but I wouldn't let worries about him take over my life - that way he's back in control.

Frith

I have a violent and abusive ex but that letter takes the biscuit.

However, you could use it to your advantage. It is written proof of what he is like and I think sending a copy to your solicitor would be very wise just in case he steps things up a gear. I would also discuss it with Women's Aid. (I always used to get upset talking to them but they are also very useful if you email them so you could scan them a copy!)

Glad the SENCo is helpful but I would also consider letting the head at school read the letter so he/she knows what they are dealing with.

DEFINITELY don't throw it away! I would do the most good I could with the letter then put it to one side and move on.

And get residency sorted out if you haven't already.

pigpen

I'd be tempted to try to have it added to any police file you had back then as well as getting it stored with the solicitor. A record of this needs to be kept outside of your house.

I hope you are feeling calmer now. xxx

Wyre

It doesn't take a few seconds to check the dreaded facebook to see if the ex has an unrestricted page. It was how I found out my ex was working despite telling me and the CSA he wasn't.

That being said, and as mentioned about, please don't let him take over your life. See a solicitor and do the practical things to keep you and your boys safe but apart from that live your life and don't let him control you.

daska

Legally the school can't prevent him from removing the children, the most they can do is contact you and attempt to delay him.

You really must get legal advice immediately. Personally I'd be looking for a prohibited steps order (to prevent him contacting the children) and seeking a full residency/contact order. Photocopy the letter and book an appt with your solicitor asap.

I'd also be going to the police, if there's a history of DV they should take this seriously.

And I'd be keeping an eye on any other ways he could be communicating with the children or family/friends. There may be someone who is still communicating with him and passing on information on the basis that 'he is their dad so he's entitled to xyz'.

Best of luck

LilacLouisa

I have only just started reading this Marisco, and I am so sorry how this vile letter has made you feel.

There has been very good advice given by the other posters, especially the ones about showing the letter to various people who can help you feel safe about your children and their security. Hopefully your good friend/s and the best wishes on the letters on here will lift your spirits.

Also, children are wiser then we sometimes realise, as they grow up they will understand themselves what a creep/liar/waste of space their father really is.

The father of my children was an arrant liar, and spread stories about how he had sent presents for Christmas, but I had sent them back etc. Fortunately, as we lived in a small town and knew pretty much the same people, we heard all about these lies.

As the children reached their teens they understood what a pillock their father was, they didn't need to hear any bad mouthing about him from me.

I can only say that the little I know. from reading your posts on here, is what a kind and thoughtful person you are.

I hope you are feeling better and more positive today.

bluesnake

ever thought about changing your name and moving house?

SuzieSue

LilacLouisa wrote: »

I can only say that the little I know. from reading your posts on here, is what a kind and thoughtful person you are.

Totally agree with this. You always come accross as a truely lovely person and I can't believe anyone could write such nasty things about you. He must have very serious psychological issues.

As others have said, you need to ensure that your children are aware that although he is their father, that they must not have any contact with him without letting you know first.

VestanPance

splishsplash wrote: »

If I were you, I would do some digging. Has your son had any contact with his dad that you're not aware of?

I have no idea what Marisco's son is like, but going on the gift of a teddy bear for a ten year old boy I'd say that sounds unlikely. Maybe if he'd bought him a robot with lasers (everything is better with lasers) or something cool like that! A teddy bear sounds more like a gift for the young child he knew years ago, than the boy he has grown into.

The guy sounds like a complete and utter creep. My thoughts are with the OP.

bitemebankers

No advice to give I'm afraid. Just sorry to hear your strife and I hope it gets resolved soon.