Argument - shellshocked still

Bennifred

You did the right thing, olibrofiz.

sassyblue

You may have saved a life there OP, something to be proud of not feel bad about. Xxx

Brighton_belle

You absolutely did the right thing olibrofiz ,please believe that. This surely is proved by his instant referral to a MH unit - that does not happen lightly.

olibrofiz

but i just feel like an interfering old bat. and, the mothering side coming out, i feel like shaking him and telling him that even though this relationship hasn't worked out, he has his whole life in front of him, with many joys to experience. and i feel like hugging him and telling him it will all be ok, but i can't

i know dd is my priority, and she's actually weathering this all quite well, but i also built up a relationship with the bf and, going through all this, & having his background now come to light, i feel I want to help him, if that makes sense - but I can't

i don't think his family realised how abandonded by them he felt :( and, given his behaviour towards my dd, i shouldn't feel so 'motherly' towards him , but i do, and it's makig me feel ill

Brighton_belle

Sometimes, our society needs people to be interfering old bats to protect the vulnerable. If your DD was a way at uni and got herself into a it of a state/mess, and for some reason you weren't available, I am sure you would prefer someone stuck their neck out, took the risk and stepped in to prevent a potential tragedy and a young life. Be kind to yourself and see that is what you have done.
Doing the right thing isn't easy and the price you are paying is feeling awful and that's really tough. But a caring society needs people to risk feeling awful sometimes. You've ensured he gets the help and support he needs hopefully, so he will get to have a future.

paulineb_2

I lost someone I loved to suicide, in fact my family have lost two, both suffered from mental health issues, schizophrenia, chemical imbalance in the brain, my relative who died, my mum and gran always knew he was a risk to himself, but he worked, was married, he didnt come with a label saying I have mental health problems. He was well for years, in fact he was well with no depression (or worse) for about 8 years before he died.

I felt guilty for a long time thinking I could somehow have stopped him but I couldnt. I wish he hadnt done it, I dont hate him, I miss him.
Ive also worked with numerous young people with mental health problems over the years, some are now dead.

You cant help getting close to someone, you cant help caring even if at times they might not deserve it.

Rather than beat yourself up, be proud that you actually managed to get help to a vulnerable person (regardless of the issues elsewhere) and that he might now get the help and support he needs to move on with his life.

Sometimes I think in life even when we do good, we are too self critical.
And Ive tried and failed to get people sectioned for their own good in my working life, people who needed help and were sent away by doctors.
Its a very positive thing that he got that referral so quickly, many people never get that.

jackomdj

Better to have been an interfering old bat than standing back, doing nothing and the poor boy going through with his threats.

I just hope your DD manages to stay strong and keep him as an ex.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

If he is really suicidal, then he needs help.
If he isn't then he needs to know that he can't just cry suicide when he doesn't get his own way.